I don’t know how much more I can fucking take.
Warning, this is a complaining post, but it described why this has probably been the worst month of my life. Some of you already know, but some of you probably don’t. And I wish I told you directly, instead of posting it here, but it’s kinda hard for me to talk about. Anyway, Kalli broke up with me at the beginning of the month, which basically was the worst thing that’s ever happened to me. And I’ve had lots of crap happen to me in the past couple years. But she made all of that crap not matter when I was with her. Anyway, so that basically ruined me. Haven’t really felt motivated to do anything since then. Then, a week later, my dad calls and tells me that my cousin died. I wasn’t really close to him, but that, piled on what I was dealing with, made me break down. I really feel bad for my dad, cause his family has had a lot of deaths the past few years. He has lost 2 brothers, a sister in law, and a sister. And so, they say that bad things always come in threes. I was telling my dad I am not looking forward to what the third thing might be. Well today I found out.
Some of you know that my little dog, Mycetarbeeg was pregnant. So I took her to the vet today to get a check up and make sure everything was alright for her, cause the dad was a dog at least twice as big as her, so there were concerns. So the vet was kind of concerned because of the size difference. He thought the puppies might be too big for her and she might need surgery. So we got xrays done for her to see how many puppies there were. If you hadn’t seen Mycetarbeeg, she was huge. The vet told me about all the options that could be done, and then did the xrays. They came back, and she had 7 puppies in her. That’s a lot, especially for a tiny dog. He said she would probably be able to deliver them alright, but it would be risky. And we all know my house is not the best place for puppies. Dirty, messy, other dogs, and most importantly, I wouldn’t be able to give her the time, attention, and care she needs. So the options were, take her home, and hope for the best, and then have to figure out what to do with 7 puppies in an already insane house, have a $1,000ish procedure to have Mycetarbeeg spayed and abort the puppies, or lastly, euthanize her. I really didn’t like the thought of the last option, and kinda broke down crying just thinking about it (cause I am an emotional pansy). But I had to consider all the options. The procedure was just too much money for me to spend right now, so it was basically between the other two. So, today I made the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life. I knew that it had to be done, because it was the best thing to do for my dog. I can’t really explain to anyone besides my aunt who was there with me, and the vet, but they all agreed that it was the best thing to do. I just stood and held her for probably half an hour just crying. I had to do it for her, even though I really didn’t want to put my dog to sleep, but life is hard. I don’t think I really have many tears left after all this month has put me through. School will be done soon, and I will have time to do something, which I guess will be good. It’s going to be weird not seeing her around, and running up to me when I come in, although there will be four others, two of which I don’t like. But I guess with time it will get better.
So if you have noticed I have seemed down in the poopy dumpers lately, that is why. And I know you are all there to talk to if I need someone, and I appreciate that. I just don’t really feel like talking about it much anymore. I have done lots of that. Anyway, this was quite a long post, so if you read it all, kudos to you, you are (most likely) a true friend who cares about me, and I love you.
Some of you know that my little dog, Mycetarbeeg was pregnant. So I took her to the vet today to get a check up and make sure everything was alright for her, cause the dad was a dog at least twice as big as her, so there were concerns. So the vet was kind of concerned because of the size difference. He thought the puppies might be too big for her and she might need surgery. So we got xrays done for her to see how many puppies there were. If you hadn’t seen Mycetarbeeg, she was huge. The vet told me about all the options that could be done, and then did the xrays. They came back, and she had 7 puppies in her. That’s a lot, especially for a tiny dog. He said she would probably be able to deliver them alright, but it would be risky. And we all know my house is not the best place for puppies. Dirty, messy, other dogs, and most importantly, I wouldn’t be able to give her the time, attention, and care she needs. So the options were, take her home, and hope for the best, and then have to figure out what to do with 7 puppies in an already insane house, have a $1,000ish procedure to have Mycetarbeeg spayed and abort the puppies, or lastly, euthanize her. I really didn’t like the thought of the last option, and kinda broke down crying just thinking about it (cause I am an emotional pansy). But I had to consider all the options. The procedure was just too much money for me to spend right now, so it was basically between the other two. So, today I made the hardest decision I have ever had to make in my life. I knew that it had to be done, because it was the best thing to do for my dog. I can’t really explain to anyone besides my aunt who was there with me, and the vet, but they all agreed that it was the best thing to do. I just stood and held her for probably half an hour just crying. I had to do it for her, even though I really didn’t want to put my dog to sleep, but life is hard. I don’t think I really have many tears left after all this month has put me through. School will be done soon, and I will have time to do something, which I guess will be good. It’s going to be weird not seeing her around, and running up to me when I come in, although there will be four others, two of which I don’t like. But I guess with time it will get better.
So if you have noticed I have seemed down in the poopy dumpers lately, that is why. And I know you are all there to talk to if I need someone, and I appreciate that. I just don’t really feel like talking about it much anymore. I have done lots of that. Anyway, this was quite a long post, so if you read it all, kudos to you, you are (most likely) a true friend who cares about me, and I love you.