(no subject)
I went to hampshire for night and had the best time ever. I got to see people that i had missed all summer and Malia, who i had missed for ages and ages. Alice, scoo, erik and i went out to dinner and had SO much fun, we ordered way more wine than we could handle so the dinner degraded into lots of giggles. We went back to 65 (the funest mod ever) and had a little party with tons of people, Malia, Owen, Chrispy, Dean, Dan, Erik, Zack, and others that i'm forgeting b/c i was drunk. Anyway, it was a total blast and we had much fun. In the morining we made eggs and sausages and more people came over, Danni, Brandon, Kitty, Dean, Erik, and Zack. then we went to northampton and i helped Malia move tons of stuff into her beautiful new apt. When i got back i found two Jims hanging out in the livingroom, so we all chated for a while and then went out to dinner. Over all the whole time was totally fucking awesome and i loved seeing everyone. This mod is going to be amazing.
Despite the awesomeness of actually being at Hampshire the whole thing made me really sad too. While i was there i had a really good time but the night before i went and the night after i got back i was missing my Christopher so terribly. I know that i don't want to be in a relationship with him right now, but for a year and a half he was my best friend and now i am so horribly lost without him. I have hurt the person that i care most about and that is probbably the worst thing i have ever done. I called him once a few weeks ago and he said i should never call him again. Thats so hard. I know he's mad at me, and he has every right to be mad at me. The worst thing is that i know this is entierly my fault. I feel like i need to call him before we go back to school, just so that we can figure stuff out a little bit before we run into eachother at in social situations. I would love it if we could hang out socially together but based on the fact that he doesn't even want to talk to me on the phone i assume that hanging out together just isnt going to work. But in that case we need to talk to figure out how we are going to deal with that. I'm afraid that he is going to try so hard to avoid me that he will just stay in his room all the time and never go out and have any fun. If he insists on not seeing be i would at least like to be able to call him and tell him if i'm not going to be at a party so that then he can go. The trouble is that we have all the same friends so working things out socially is gonna be really hard and i don't know how we can do it if he wont let me call him.
I just miss him so much some times. It really really hurts to know how much i have lost.
Despite the awesomeness of actually being at Hampshire the whole thing made me really sad too. While i was there i had a really good time but the night before i went and the night after i got back i was missing my Christopher so terribly. I know that i don't want to be in a relationship with him right now, but for a year and a half he was my best friend and now i am so horribly lost without him. I have hurt the person that i care most about and that is probbably the worst thing i have ever done. I called him once a few weeks ago and he said i should never call him again. Thats so hard. I know he's mad at me, and he has every right to be mad at me. The worst thing is that i know this is entierly my fault. I feel like i need to call him before we go back to school, just so that we can figure stuff out a little bit before we run into eachother at in social situations. I would love it if we could hang out socially together but based on the fact that he doesn't even want to talk to me on the phone i assume that hanging out together just isnt going to work. But in that case we need to talk to figure out how we are going to deal with that. I'm afraid that he is going to try so hard to avoid me that he will just stay in his room all the time and never go out and have any fun. If he insists on not seeing be i would at least like to be able to call him and tell him if i'm not going to be at a party so that then he can go. The trouble is that we have all the same friends so working things out socially is gonna be really hard and i don't know how we can do it if he wont let me call him.
I just miss him so much some times. It really really hurts to know how much i have lost.