This is a bit like the forrest for the trees thing >>

[bladeville]

Chris keeps a sort of diary thing. Just to alleviate boredom, nothing I wants to keep hidden from me I guess. He told me I could read it some time, just in case there was anything he hadn't remembered to tell me or whatever. I was kinda curious what his non-story telling style would be like. It's a lot like how he talks really. Most of it I already know, or kinda understood but was pleasantly surprised to read, considering they were just passing thoughts, rather than actually meant specifically for my eyes. However I now feel really stupid. I've been kinda short sited. I mean, I knew Chris had problems, I mean, he's really good and does mention them, he hardly ever keeps anything specifically from me, but somehow I didn't really come home for me till just now as I was reading. I tried to be helpful before but I've always known it was rather futile on my behalf. Now I think I know what I need to do... maybe more than just one thing, though some changes might take a little bit of time. I really love Ku, I cause him a lot of concern and worry and I don't like that, I would rather give him support than make things worse by having him worry about me as well as his problems. I think both of us have to start thinking a little differently but I know I can't really do anything for his side of it other than make suggestions and gently persuade, I however, can put more effort into making changes. Who knows, maybe I'll even succeed.

Jillian, you really do need to contact me back. I know you're not feeling too good so I'm not going to feel hurt if you don't want to hang out, but I would like to know what's going on.