Where is my mind?

[bladestogether]

The title of my entry is also the song I am listening to. I don't know why I like it so much, maybe because it was introduced to me for the first time during the movie Fight Club or maybe just because its an interesting song that feels right these days. Depression and stress are all too common these days, people fight back with simply pushing it under, talking to friends, or mind altering drugs. I've recently sunk into a deep whole of such feelings in light of all the changes good and bad at college. Math has had me pulling my hair out, not because its hard but because my approach to it is all wrong. I've been decieving myself to think my half-assed attempt at school work would earn me a 3.5 the rest of my life. I need to sit down and just focus on that and only that. The other main thing is my all consuming feelings of needing someone decided to come back a bit. At this point I couldn't tell you what I am in for or want, it could be just to hook up with someone or maybe if I get lucky someone I can stick with. I don't know and I couldn't tell you. I don't think jason or sarah really have the full story about some things they say to me.

I worked out today, that was when I realized I am in charge of where I am going. No offense to Badminton, but it hasn't improved my athletic ability at all. In fact its been giving me a reason to go to the gym and not work out. I want to put on some muscle again after losing some at crew and never being all that strong in the arms department, which is something that has bothered me for awhile really.

So to end, I want to get everything I can get out of college.