The Next Morning (Chazz/Jimmy)
I bring you yet another fic based on an RP that LadyAnneB and I did. This takes place the morning after the events of "The Feel of Brushing". It starts off kind of angsty, but then it turns more fluffy. Crossposted to Chazz/Jimmy. Here you go:
The Next Morning
Chazz’s eyes fluttered open. He was vaguely aware of a warm weight on his chest, and realized it was Jimmy. The memories of the night before came back to him, and he felt a warm contentment in his chest. After a night of sex, his usual modus operandi was to leave before the other person woke up. He usually hated clingy partners who wanted to cuddle…but with Jimmy, he found himself enjoying the feel of his warm body snuggled against him. Something hard was poking his back, and he shifted slightly, careful not to wake Jimmy, reached under himself, and pulled out his Verticoli. He contemplated it silently, his greatest treasure… it seemed so meaningless now. The brush that he had paid $12,000 was nothing compared to the man in his arms, the only person he had ever shared it with, the only person he had ever truly cared about…the only person to ever tame the lone wolf. He looked down at the man curled against his chest, and felt something soaring inside of him…
Jimmy’s eyes began to move against his closed lids, and small noises began to escape his lips…noises that sounded like the word “No” as he grew more and more agitated, his breathing becoming more and more rapid as the nightmare escalated.
“Jimmy?....Jimmy!” Chazz gently shook Jimmy, who awoke with a start, his eyes snapping open, gasping with fear.
“You were having a nightmare…” said Chazz, gently stroking his hair away from his face, a concerned look on his own.
Jimmy’s eyes were unfocused, and he glanced around wildly. It took a few seconds for him to come to his senses, and when he did, he sighed with relief and fell back onto the pillow, against Chazz’s arm.
“Yeah…I guess so…” his voice was shaky.
Chazz kissed his forehead, stroking his hair away from his flushed face.
“Its okay…I’m here for you…” Chazz squeezed Jimmy reassuringly, and Jimmy sighed,
resting his head against Chazz’s arm.
“What happened in your nightmare?”
Jimmy looked up at Chazz, and memories of the night before came flooding back. “I…um…it was nothing.” He was suddenly nervous, terribly nervous, and he could feel the blood rushing to his face at the thought of actually explaining his dream to Chazz.
“Its okay. You can tell me.” Chazz began to rub Jimmy’s back soothingly. Jimmy’s eyes slipped closed at Chazz’s touch, and his fingers curled unconsciously, possessively around Chazz’s wrist. God, he wanted so desperately to tell someone, to let himself be comforted.
“Its was just…it was about you.”
Just tell him how you feel! Chazz’s brain screamed at him. Tell him now!
“I…I care about you…I really do…” Chazz voice was soft and tender as he stroked Jimmy’s cheek. “You…you mean so much to me…” Chazz was feeling incredibly stupid. He inwardly cursed the waver in his voice and wished that he was smart enough to actually articulate himself, to express the feelings deep inside of him…
Jimmy could hear the uncertainty, the awkwardness in Chazz’s voice, and thought wildly that Chazz was about to continue with something along the lines of “…but last night didn’t mean anything.” He swallowed hard, and felt something crash deep inside of him, felt it just as deeply as if he’d been punched in the stomach.
"It's okay, Chazz. I understand. I'll just, erm... get out..." He started to get up from the bed.
“What?!...No!” Chazz felt panic filling his heart as he watched Jimmy fumble with his clothes, and felt a lump rising in his throat.
Jimmy had worked himself nearly into a distraught fit, and was blinking back tears, desperate not to cry. He swallowed hard, and took a deep, hitching breath as he started to pull his pants on.
“Wait…” Chazz grabbed Jimmy’s arm.
It simply didn’t register to Jimmy that Chazz didn’t want him to leave, only that he was trying to detain him, and in his mind, he had to get out of the room, NOW. He jerked away, his lower lip trembling.
“Its fine Chazz. Just let me go!”
Chazz’s hands were on his shoulders.
“No!...Please...Jimmy...look at me...please...just listen to me...”
Jimmy shook his head, closing his eyes against the tears that threatened to spill out.
"Look, Chazz. We don't have to go through this. I get it. Okay?" Jimmy thought vaguely that he should feel extremely dirty and self-conscious, standing half-naked in front of Chazz after a night of sex, but he didn’t, and for some reason, he simply couldn’t bring himself to just run out of the room. He looked down, his trembling fingers fumbling with the button of his pants.
Chazz’s voice cracked.
“No...Jimmy... damn it…I...I...”
He took a deep breath, and then just blurted it out.
“I love you.”
Jimmy was still fumbling with his zipper, talking out loud, more to himself than Chazz.
“I get it. And that’s why I-“ He paused and stared at Chazz uncomprehendingly.
"You…you what?"
“I…love…you.” Chazz’s voice was hoarse, so choked with emotion that he could barely get the words out.
“But you…I…but….Wow.” Jimmy’s eyes were wide with shock, and he sat down on the bed with a soft thud.
Chazz’s usual cockiness was gone. His blue eyes were soft, almost puppy-like, and he took deep, hitching breaths.
“I've...never...never felt this way before...not about anyone...it was always just sex to me...but you...you're different...I think I fell in love you a long time ago...I just couldn't admit...not even to myself.”
Jimmy felt something expand in his chest, something heady and euphoric…but it was all too much, too new…he couldn’t compute it all at once.
"But how... are you sure? I mean... you're a sex addict. I can't be that... I don't have that much experience... I don't know if I can satisfy you, Chazz."
Chazz smiled a little, despite himself.
“You managed pretty well last night, my sweet little virgin dove.”
Jimmy couldn’t help but blush and crack a smile at the lame pet name. He looked down at the bedspread for a moment before replying.
“This is so... different, Chazz. I dunno. I need directions, you know? There are no instruction manuals for this. “
Chazz sat down next to him, putting an arm around his shoulders.
“Hey...I started out a virgin just like you did...I didn't come out of the womb as ‘Chazz Michael Michaels: Skating's Backdoor Lover’...I was awkward and shy once too.”
"But it's not just that, Chazz. We're so different. If something goes wrong... if we can't work something out... I can't lose you, Chazz. I can't. Not for anything. Not even for this." Jimmy was on the verge of tears again.
“Hey...hey...I'll never leave you...even if this relationship blows up in our faces I won't leave you...you know Siegfried and Roy, those magicians...I just read that they had a gay relationship and stayed friends and colleagues when it ended...you'll never lose me...I can promise you that.”
"But you're not gay, Chazz! And I didn't even know what I was until now... The ramifications of this are huge! How do you know you won't start missing... you know... girls?"
“I know I'm not gay...I'm bisexual. I never told you because I didn't want to freak you out...I've had just as many men as women.”
Jimmy’s eyes widened in shock.
"You never mentioned it to anyone before. You always made such a show about liking girls. Aren't you worried someone's going to find out?!"
Chazz chuckled a little.
“Its the worst kept secret in figure skating. Half of the American skating team knows. They don't care.”
Jimmy sighed.
“I just... I'm so worried we're going to screw this up.”
“If we can pull off the Iron Lotus...we can do anything...anything at all...”
Chazz took Jimmy’s hand in his, and kissed it with more tenderness than Jimmy would have ever expected from him.
Jimmy scooted forward, and rested his head on Chazz’s shoulder, letting himself believe Chazz’s words…for now. After a few moments of silence, he spoke.
“Chazz? Remember the nightmare I was having?”
“Yeah?”
"I'm sorry for freaking out, it's just that, in my dream... you left me. I woke up and you weren't there. And when I went looking for you, you were packing your bags. I tried to make you stop, but you wouldn't even look at me..."
Chazz felt something deep inside of him, a layer of ice around his heart shattering into a thousand pieces as it swelled.
“Oh Jimmy...I love you...I'd never, ever do that to you...I love you so much...”
He wrapped his arms around Jimmy, squeezing him, holding him tightly.
Jimmy was sheltered, but he had heard people make those sorts of statements before on the soap operas that his father watched, and they never lasted. Still…it could work. It was worth a shot. He tangled his arms around Chazz’s neck, and snuggled closer against his chest, and whispered,
“I love you too Chazz.”
The Next Morning
Chazz’s eyes fluttered open. He was vaguely aware of a warm weight on his chest, and realized it was Jimmy. The memories of the night before came back to him, and he felt a warm contentment in his chest. After a night of sex, his usual modus operandi was to leave before the other person woke up. He usually hated clingy partners who wanted to cuddle…but with Jimmy, he found himself enjoying the feel of his warm body snuggled against him. Something hard was poking his back, and he shifted slightly, careful not to wake Jimmy, reached under himself, and pulled out his Verticoli. He contemplated it silently, his greatest treasure… it seemed so meaningless now. The brush that he had paid $12,000 was nothing compared to the man in his arms, the only person he had ever shared it with, the only person he had ever truly cared about…the only person to ever tame the lone wolf. He looked down at the man curled against his chest, and felt something soaring inside of him…
Jimmy’s eyes began to move against his closed lids, and small noises began to escape his lips…noises that sounded like the word “No” as he grew more and more agitated, his breathing becoming more and more rapid as the nightmare escalated.
“Jimmy?....Jimmy!” Chazz gently shook Jimmy, who awoke with a start, his eyes snapping open, gasping with fear.
“You were having a nightmare…” said Chazz, gently stroking his hair away from his face, a concerned look on his own.
Jimmy’s eyes were unfocused, and he glanced around wildly. It took a few seconds for him to come to his senses, and when he did, he sighed with relief and fell back onto the pillow, against Chazz’s arm.
“Yeah…I guess so…” his voice was shaky.
Chazz kissed his forehead, stroking his hair away from his flushed face.
“Its okay…I’m here for you…” Chazz squeezed Jimmy reassuringly, and Jimmy sighed,
resting his head against Chazz’s arm.
“What happened in your nightmare?”
Jimmy looked up at Chazz, and memories of the night before came flooding back. “I…um…it was nothing.” He was suddenly nervous, terribly nervous, and he could feel the blood rushing to his face at the thought of actually explaining his dream to Chazz.
“Its okay. You can tell me.” Chazz began to rub Jimmy’s back soothingly. Jimmy’s eyes slipped closed at Chazz’s touch, and his fingers curled unconsciously, possessively around Chazz’s wrist. God, he wanted so desperately to tell someone, to let himself be comforted.
“Its was just…it was about you.”
Just tell him how you feel! Chazz’s brain screamed at him. Tell him now!
“I…I care about you…I really do…” Chazz voice was soft and tender as he stroked Jimmy’s cheek. “You…you mean so much to me…” Chazz was feeling incredibly stupid. He inwardly cursed the waver in his voice and wished that he was smart enough to actually articulate himself, to express the feelings deep inside of him…
Jimmy could hear the uncertainty, the awkwardness in Chazz’s voice, and thought wildly that Chazz was about to continue with something along the lines of “…but last night didn’t mean anything.” He swallowed hard, and felt something crash deep inside of him, felt it just as deeply as if he’d been punched in the stomach.
"It's okay, Chazz. I understand. I'll just, erm... get out..." He started to get up from the bed.
“What?!...No!” Chazz felt panic filling his heart as he watched Jimmy fumble with his clothes, and felt a lump rising in his throat.
Jimmy had worked himself nearly into a distraught fit, and was blinking back tears, desperate not to cry. He swallowed hard, and took a deep, hitching breath as he started to pull his pants on.
“Wait…” Chazz grabbed Jimmy’s arm.
It simply didn’t register to Jimmy that Chazz didn’t want him to leave, only that he was trying to detain him, and in his mind, he had to get out of the room, NOW. He jerked away, his lower lip trembling.
“Its fine Chazz. Just let me go!”
Chazz’s hands were on his shoulders.
“No!...Please...Jimmy...look at me...please...just listen to me...”
Jimmy shook his head, closing his eyes against the tears that threatened to spill out.
"Look, Chazz. We don't have to go through this. I get it. Okay?" Jimmy thought vaguely that he should feel extremely dirty and self-conscious, standing half-naked in front of Chazz after a night of sex, but he didn’t, and for some reason, he simply couldn’t bring himself to just run out of the room. He looked down, his trembling fingers fumbling with the button of his pants.
Chazz’s voice cracked.
“No...Jimmy... damn it…I...I...”
He took a deep breath, and then just blurted it out.
“I love you.”
Jimmy was still fumbling with his zipper, talking out loud, more to himself than Chazz.
“I get it. And that’s why I-“ He paused and stared at Chazz uncomprehendingly.
"You…you what?"
“I…love…you.” Chazz’s voice was hoarse, so choked with emotion that he could barely get the words out.
“But you…I…but….Wow.” Jimmy’s eyes were wide with shock, and he sat down on the bed with a soft thud.
Chazz’s usual cockiness was gone. His blue eyes were soft, almost puppy-like, and he took deep, hitching breaths.
“I've...never...never felt this way before...not about anyone...it was always just sex to me...but you...you're different...I think I fell in love you a long time ago...I just couldn't admit...not even to myself.”
Jimmy felt something expand in his chest, something heady and euphoric…but it was all too much, too new…he couldn’t compute it all at once.
"But how... are you sure? I mean... you're a sex addict. I can't be that... I don't have that much experience... I don't know if I can satisfy you, Chazz."
Chazz smiled a little, despite himself.
“You managed pretty well last night, my sweet little virgin dove.”
Jimmy couldn’t help but blush and crack a smile at the lame pet name. He looked down at the bedspread for a moment before replying.
“This is so... different, Chazz. I dunno. I need directions, you know? There are no instruction manuals for this. “
Chazz sat down next to him, putting an arm around his shoulders.
“Hey...I started out a virgin just like you did...I didn't come out of the womb as ‘Chazz Michael Michaels: Skating's Backdoor Lover’...I was awkward and shy once too.”
"But it's not just that, Chazz. We're so different. If something goes wrong... if we can't work something out... I can't lose you, Chazz. I can't. Not for anything. Not even for this." Jimmy was on the verge of tears again.
“Hey...hey...I'll never leave you...even if this relationship blows up in our faces I won't leave you...you know Siegfried and Roy, those magicians...I just read that they had a gay relationship and stayed friends and colleagues when it ended...you'll never lose me...I can promise you that.”
"But you're not gay, Chazz! And I didn't even know what I was until now... The ramifications of this are huge! How do you know you won't start missing... you know... girls?"
“I know I'm not gay...I'm bisexual. I never told you because I didn't want to freak you out...I've had just as many men as women.”
Jimmy’s eyes widened in shock.
"You never mentioned it to anyone before. You always made such a show about liking girls. Aren't you worried someone's going to find out?!"
Chazz chuckled a little.
“Its the worst kept secret in figure skating. Half of the American skating team knows. They don't care.”
Jimmy sighed.
“I just... I'm so worried we're going to screw this up.”
“If we can pull off the Iron Lotus...we can do anything...anything at all...”
Chazz took Jimmy’s hand in his, and kissed it with more tenderness than Jimmy would have ever expected from him.
Jimmy scooted forward, and rested his head on Chazz’s shoulder, letting himself believe Chazz’s words…for now. After a few moments of silence, he spoke.
“Chazz? Remember the nightmare I was having?”
“Yeah?”
"I'm sorry for freaking out, it's just that, in my dream... you left me. I woke up and you weren't there. And when I went looking for you, you were packing your bags. I tried to make you stop, but you wouldn't even look at me..."
Chazz felt something deep inside of him, a layer of ice around his heart shattering into a thousand pieces as it swelled.
“Oh Jimmy...I love you...I'd never, ever do that to you...I love you so much...”
He wrapped his arms around Jimmy, squeezing him, holding him tightly.
Jimmy was sheltered, but he had heard people make those sorts of statements before on the soap operas that his father watched, and they never lasted. Still…it could work. It was worth a shot. He tangled his arms around Chazz’s neck, and snuggled closer against his chest, and whispered,
“I love you too Chazz.”