Stained Glass Hearts
Wow. First off I would like to say how much I love you all for the support after my run in with the troll. I can't express how much I love you all like whoa! Especially our kick ass mod
mugglerock. You are the Chazz of all mods and you totally went protective Chazz, and for that I love you forever! So this took me a year and a half to write I know, but I have finally written the Coach/Jesse fanfic present for
mugglerock as a gift for quitting smoking! So this is all for you dear! I hope you like it....this is my first ever attempt at the Coach/Jesse pairing. Now somethings may not be Canon, I'm not sure. But I had to take some liberties to write this so please forgive me if I've somehow killed a bit of the canon....*hopes she didn't This is all for you! I hope you like it and as always I tried really hard and I loves you all!!
Stained Glass Hearts
Hearts are fragile like the most delicate pieces of glass. Hearts are easily stained, bruised ,and battered with the marks of pain and aching want. But the stained glass heart is the most beautiful of all. Though discolored, it's beauty lies in it's perseverance, something so delicate that has held up through the emotional storms. The stained glass heart shines the brightest and with the most beauty when the storm has cleared and the light of love shines down on it. ~Cristy
It had been one week to the day since the Stockholm fiasco, and after that week of seclusion and soul searching, Robert could only come to one conclusion. He hated Darren MacElroy. With a passion. Even being hundreds of miles away from the rich bastard hadn't let Robert forget him and what he had done. The older man's small cabin, which he had once called home was now only an empty shell, and a constant reminder of what had been taken from him. Sure, he had never really owned anything physically, but when he had had his coaching job, he hadn't felt so useless...so alone.
This particular morning dawned with Robert feeling as desolate and bitter as ever. As he slowly made his way through his house, his despondent feelings only grew with each room. Robert checked his answering machine, hoping for a job offer, hoping that someone still thought he could turn an aspiring skater into a gold medal winner. Just like every other morning, the red zero on the machine flashed repeatedly, almost as if saying, “You're a zero and it's never gonna change.” Robert knew that Darren MacElroy had probably blacklisted him in the skating world. Just the thought of his former employer caused that familiar dull ache to grow in his chest, an ache that had never been present until exactly one week ago.
The old man left the kitchen and the mockery of the flashing number, making his way down the hall. He stopped and leaned in the doorway to his spare bedroom. A solid pine bunk bed loomed at the other side of the room, painfully unoccupied. Robert had built it years ago shortly after meeting a certain young blond. Jimmy MacElroy. The most talented four year old he had ever seen. Golden locks and innocent bright blue eyes that had always lit up when the young boy ran to meet Robert at the start of practice. Robert had taken a shining to Jimmy from the start, and truth be told, he had become more like a father to the young boy than Darren ever had. Robert had always wanted children of his own, and after meeting Jimmy, that want had only grown. He had been coaching the talented child for only a month before he took up the ambitious task of making a bunk bed by hand, his hope intensified that one day he would have a little boy or even girl of his own. Sadly, he had never had the time to consider children, what with his job demanding almost all of his time, but he had never minded all that much. Every day he got to go to work and be with Jimmy...the little boy he loved so much. But Darren MacElroy had managed to take that away from him too. The day Robert was fired, he not only lost his job... he had lost the closest thing he would ever have to a son. The bunk beds had remained empty...were still empty...and as far as the aging man could tell...would always be empty. Robert rubbed at his chest slightly, aware that the dull ache was now intensifying to actual pain.
Unable to stare at the empty beds and silent room any longer, the former coach continued his way down the hall, stopping at his own bedroom. His eyes rested on his own bed. A regular old bed...made for two. A bed that had never had more than one occupant at a time...a bed that had had the same lonely old man in it night after night. Every night Robert would crawl into this bed alone, turn out the lights, and stare wistfully at the empty spot next to him, wishing for there to be a smiling face looking back at him from the pillow illuminated in the moonlight. Wishing for a warm body to pull closely to him and let him know that he would never be alone. Wishing for Jesse. It wasn't like they had had a relationship or anything, but Robert had loved Jesse since the first day they met. The young man had been funny, charming, and graceful, not to mention kind and gentle with Robert's young skater....his Jimmy...his son. Jesse was basically perfect in Robert's eyes but he had never told him so. The dancer was gorgeous, elegant, and young. Robert was coarse, gruff, and old. “How could Jesse ever love me,” he had asked himself so many times, always coming to the same inevitable conclusion, “He wouldn't.” So the older man continued to love him from afar, just happy to go to work everyday, knowing that there, he would always be near to the only one he loved. But that was all over now, and he would never see Jesse again, never be able to work up the courage to say “I love you.” It was just another thing Darren had taken away from him, and now he would forever go to bed alone, wishing and never having. The pain in Robert's chest had grown to a dangerously uncomfortable level, and just like every other day for the past week, he went and downed some Bayer, just in case it really was going to be a heart attack this time.
He sat down shakily on the couch, taking deep calming breaths, willing himself to settle down. The pain was slowly starting to go away, though it still faintly lingered, like the memories of all he had lost. Robert was about to give up on the day and crawl back into bed, determined to drag his mind away from the past the only way he knew how...slipping into the dark folds of sleep. He began walking towards his bedroom when a loud and energetic knock resounded throughout the house. Someone was at the door. Robert didn't know what to make of this. Who on Earth would be at his door...and why? Part of him wanted them to leave him alone in his misery, but a larger part of him craved the human contact. The shamed coach hadn't seen another person in a week and he was getting sick of the sound of his own voice. He was prepared to greet whomever it was at the door with an inquisitive yet slightly gruff “Yeah”, he didn't want to seem to desperate for contact, but the words caught in his throat the instant he opened the door. There on the stoop stood Jesse, a look of concern playing at his beautiful face and a plain brown package tucked gently under his arm. The younger man's face burst into a relieved and genuine smile at the sight of his former co-worker.
“Jesse? What are you doing here,” Robert asked. His hand instinctively went to his chest when he felt a slight jabbing sensation in his heart. This time it was different, this feeling was unfamiliar, nothing like the ache he had been experiencing lately. It was light and fast and almost...pleasant.
“I...I just wanted to see how you were doing after...well you know. I just wanted to make sure you were alright and everything--” Jesse stopped mid sentence when he noticed Robert rubbing at his chest. A look of concern flashed in the dancer's eyes as he came closer to feel the older man's pulse.
“You are alright...aren't you?”
As Jesse's hand reached out and came into contact with the side of his neck, Robert felt that unfamiliar jab again, surging stronger than before through his heart and was very aware that his pulse had increased ten fold.
“I'm...I'm fine. I've just been having some chest pain recently. I'm sure it's nothing, probably just heart burn or something,” he lied. Jesse of course knew better, and Robert was well aware that he knew better...he had always been able to sense when something wasn't quite right. Just another thing that Robert loved about him.
“Robert, how exactly have you been dealing with your job loss...your stress...your anger?”
“Well...uh..I haven't I guess. I just kind of sit around the house and...well...I think.”
“You think? You mean you dwell and you don't get your frustration out. Robert you're going to have a heart attack if you keep that up!” Jesse looked absolutely horrified at the idea as he gripped Robert's shoulder worriedly.
“You've got to do something besides sit around and dwell on the past. Yell...scream...break things...anything is better than bottling up your emotions.”
Robert was barely taking in anything Jesse was saying, all he could hear was the concern in his voice and see the pleading in his eyes. He could only see that Jesse cared...about him. Sure, it may have only been as a friend...but it was better than nothing at all. The unfamiliar jab surged in its strongest wave at this thought and Robert began unconsciously rubbing harder at his chest. Jesse was only staring at him now, watching his hand rub at the cloth covering his heart.
“Okay that's it. You are getting a hobby. You're gonna do something therapeutic that will help you get your emotions out before you make your heart burst. And I think I've got just the thing for you. You should get into making stained glass.”
“What? Oh no I don't think that's for me. I wouldn't know the first thing about it.”
“That's fine, I'd be more than happy to teach you.”
“I'm not really into that artsy kind of stuff. I don't think it would help me all that much...” Robert wanted to say yes desperately, but couldn't bring himself to it. Perhaps being fired had been best. Today he had been reminded of how wonderful Jesse really was and how old and washed up he himself must appear. At least now he wouldn't have to see Jesse everyday and long for something that he knew would never be his. Maybe if he just secluded himself from the world he would be able to forget...to move on...to get used to the idea of dying alone. He just had to say no, no matter how much his heart screamed yes.
“I'm sorry Jesse, but thanks for the offer anyways,” he said, forcing a smile.
“Well if that's really how you feel. But just in case you change your mind about those lessons, here's my cell number. Stained glass can really help you express things you just can't put into words.” With that Jesse handed Robert the brown package he had been holding and started to walk back to his car.
“What's this?”
“Just open it when you have the time,” Jesse shouted over his shoulder before climbing into his car.
Robert took the package into the house and laid it down on the coffee table. He stared at it for a while, wondering what could possibly be inside it, and why he had let Jesse go so soon...so easily. With shaking hands, the man reached over and started to tear away the brown paper. Once all the paper was gone, Robert sat back and stared at what lay on his table. It was the most beautiful piece of stained glass he had ever seen. It was handcrafted with delicate and loving attention to detail. There were two men, one black and one white, with their arms around each other and bright red hearts floating about them. Robert's mind went numb, the only thing it was able to process were Jesse's words.
“Stained glass can really help you express things you just can't put into words.”
In an instant Robert was dialing Jesse's cell phone number, praying the young man would pick up. His heart nearly exploded when he heard the soft voice at the other end of the line.
“Jesse...is that offer still open? There have been some things I've been needing help expressing for a long time and I...” Robert's heart dropped to his stomach when he heard the click at the other end of the line, signaling that Jesse had hung up. Maybe he had been wrong, maybe he had been mistaken...maybe..
Just then, a soft voice broke through the silence of the house. Robert looked up to see Jesse standing in the doorway to the cabin.
“I think...I think I can help you express those emotions you were talking about.”
The older man let the phone slide out of his hand and to the ground before walking to the center of the living room. Jesse came into the house and met him in the living room. They were inches apart, Robert breathing heavily, trying to fight back the tears of joy that threatened to burst forth. Jesse brought a tender hand up to the side of Robert's face.
“What did I tell you about bottling up your emotions? It's okay to cry Robert...it's okay.” Jesse pulled the former coach's head down to his, gently pressing their lips together as he wrapped his arms around the other man's neck. Warm tears fell on his face as Robert finally let himself go....finally let his emotions free. That night, Robert didn't crawl into bed alone...for the first night in his life, he didn't wish..he had. And in the comfortable silence of the night he finally found the courage to whisper those three words. “I love you.”
mugglerock. You are the Chazz of all mods and you totally went protective Chazz, and for that I love you forever! So this took me a year and a half to write I know, but I have finally written the Coach/Jesse fanfic present for
mugglerock as a gift for quitting smoking! So this is all for you dear! I hope you like it....this is my first ever attempt at the Coach/Jesse pairing. Now somethings may not be Canon, I'm not sure. But I had to take some liberties to write this so please forgive me if I've somehow killed a bit of the canon....*hopes she didn't This is all for you! I hope you like it and as always I tried really hard and I loves you all!!
Stained Glass Hearts
Hearts are fragile like the most delicate pieces of glass. Hearts are easily stained, bruised ,and battered with the marks of pain and aching want. But the stained glass heart is the most beautiful of all. Though discolored, it's beauty lies in it's perseverance, something so delicate that has held up through the emotional storms. The stained glass heart shines the brightest and with the most beauty when the storm has cleared and the light of love shines down on it. ~Cristy
It had been one week to the day since the Stockholm fiasco, and after that week of seclusion and soul searching, Robert could only come to one conclusion. He hated Darren MacElroy. With a passion. Even being hundreds of miles away from the rich bastard hadn't let Robert forget him and what he had done. The older man's small cabin, which he had once called home was now only an empty shell, and a constant reminder of what had been taken from him. Sure, he had never really owned anything physically, but when he had had his coaching job, he hadn't felt so useless...so alone.
This particular morning dawned with Robert feeling as desolate and bitter as ever. As he slowly made his way through his house, his despondent feelings only grew with each room. Robert checked his answering machine, hoping for a job offer, hoping that someone still thought he could turn an aspiring skater into a gold medal winner. Just like every other morning, the red zero on the machine flashed repeatedly, almost as if saying, “You're a zero and it's never gonna change.” Robert knew that Darren MacElroy had probably blacklisted him in the skating world. Just the thought of his former employer caused that familiar dull ache to grow in his chest, an ache that had never been present until exactly one week ago.
The old man left the kitchen and the mockery of the flashing number, making his way down the hall. He stopped and leaned in the doorway to his spare bedroom. A solid pine bunk bed loomed at the other side of the room, painfully unoccupied. Robert had built it years ago shortly after meeting a certain young blond. Jimmy MacElroy. The most talented four year old he had ever seen. Golden locks and innocent bright blue eyes that had always lit up when the young boy ran to meet Robert at the start of practice. Robert had taken a shining to Jimmy from the start, and truth be told, he had become more like a father to the young boy than Darren ever had. Robert had always wanted children of his own, and after meeting Jimmy, that want had only grown. He had been coaching the talented child for only a month before he took up the ambitious task of making a bunk bed by hand, his hope intensified that one day he would have a little boy or even girl of his own. Sadly, he had never had the time to consider children, what with his job demanding almost all of his time, but he had never minded all that much. Every day he got to go to work and be with Jimmy...the little boy he loved so much. But Darren MacElroy had managed to take that away from him too. The day Robert was fired, he not only lost his job... he had lost the closest thing he would ever have to a son. The bunk beds had remained empty...were still empty...and as far as the aging man could tell...would always be empty. Robert rubbed at his chest slightly, aware that the dull ache was now intensifying to actual pain.
Unable to stare at the empty beds and silent room any longer, the former coach continued his way down the hall, stopping at his own bedroom. His eyes rested on his own bed. A regular old bed...made for two. A bed that had never had more than one occupant at a time...a bed that had had the same lonely old man in it night after night. Every night Robert would crawl into this bed alone, turn out the lights, and stare wistfully at the empty spot next to him, wishing for there to be a smiling face looking back at him from the pillow illuminated in the moonlight. Wishing for a warm body to pull closely to him and let him know that he would never be alone. Wishing for Jesse. It wasn't like they had had a relationship or anything, but Robert had loved Jesse since the first day they met. The young man had been funny, charming, and graceful, not to mention kind and gentle with Robert's young skater....his Jimmy...his son. Jesse was basically perfect in Robert's eyes but he had never told him so. The dancer was gorgeous, elegant, and young. Robert was coarse, gruff, and old. “How could Jesse ever love me,” he had asked himself so many times, always coming to the same inevitable conclusion, “He wouldn't.” So the older man continued to love him from afar, just happy to go to work everyday, knowing that there, he would always be near to the only one he loved. But that was all over now, and he would never see Jesse again, never be able to work up the courage to say “I love you.” It was just another thing Darren had taken away from him, and now he would forever go to bed alone, wishing and never having. The pain in Robert's chest had grown to a dangerously uncomfortable level, and just like every other day for the past week, he went and downed some Bayer, just in case it really was going to be a heart attack this time.
He sat down shakily on the couch, taking deep calming breaths, willing himself to settle down. The pain was slowly starting to go away, though it still faintly lingered, like the memories of all he had lost. Robert was about to give up on the day and crawl back into bed, determined to drag his mind away from the past the only way he knew how...slipping into the dark folds of sleep. He began walking towards his bedroom when a loud and energetic knock resounded throughout the house. Someone was at the door. Robert didn't know what to make of this. Who on Earth would be at his door...and why? Part of him wanted them to leave him alone in his misery, but a larger part of him craved the human contact. The shamed coach hadn't seen another person in a week and he was getting sick of the sound of his own voice. He was prepared to greet whomever it was at the door with an inquisitive yet slightly gruff “Yeah”, he didn't want to seem to desperate for contact, but the words caught in his throat the instant he opened the door. There on the stoop stood Jesse, a look of concern playing at his beautiful face and a plain brown package tucked gently under his arm. The younger man's face burst into a relieved and genuine smile at the sight of his former co-worker.
“Jesse? What are you doing here,” Robert asked. His hand instinctively went to his chest when he felt a slight jabbing sensation in his heart. This time it was different, this feeling was unfamiliar, nothing like the ache he had been experiencing lately. It was light and fast and almost...pleasant.
“I...I just wanted to see how you were doing after...well you know. I just wanted to make sure you were alright and everything--” Jesse stopped mid sentence when he noticed Robert rubbing at his chest. A look of concern flashed in the dancer's eyes as he came closer to feel the older man's pulse.
“You are alright...aren't you?”
As Jesse's hand reached out and came into contact with the side of his neck, Robert felt that unfamiliar jab again, surging stronger than before through his heart and was very aware that his pulse had increased ten fold.
“I'm...I'm fine. I've just been having some chest pain recently. I'm sure it's nothing, probably just heart burn or something,” he lied. Jesse of course knew better, and Robert was well aware that he knew better...he had always been able to sense when something wasn't quite right. Just another thing that Robert loved about him.
“Robert, how exactly have you been dealing with your job loss...your stress...your anger?”
“Well...uh..I haven't I guess. I just kind of sit around the house and...well...I think.”
“You think? You mean you dwell and you don't get your frustration out. Robert you're going to have a heart attack if you keep that up!” Jesse looked absolutely horrified at the idea as he gripped Robert's shoulder worriedly.
“You've got to do something besides sit around and dwell on the past. Yell...scream...break things...anything is better than bottling up your emotions.”
Robert was barely taking in anything Jesse was saying, all he could hear was the concern in his voice and see the pleading in his eyes. He could only see that Jesse cared...about him. Sure, it may have only been as a friend...but it was better than nothing at all. The unfamiliar jab surged in its strongest wave at this thought and Robert began unconsciously rubbing harder at his chest. Jesse was only staring at him now, watching his hand rub at the cloth covering his heart.
“Okay that's it. You are getting a hobby. You're gonna do something therapeutic that will help you get your emotions out before you make your heart burst. And I think I've got just the thing for you. You should get into making stained glass.”
“What? Oh no I don't think that's for me. I wouldn't know the first thing about it.”
“That's fine, I'd be more than happy to teach you.”
“I'm not really into that artsy kind of stuff. I don't think it would help me all that much...” Robert wanted to say yes desperately, but couldn't bring himself to it. Perhaps being fired had been best. Today he had been reminded of how wonderful Jesse really was and how old and washed up he himself must appear. At least now he wouldn't have to see Jesse everyday and long for something that he knew would never be his. Maybe if he just secluded himself from the world he would be able to forget...to move on...to get used to the idea of dying alone. He just had to say no, no matter how much his heart screamed yes.
“I'm sorry Jesse, but thanks for the offer anyways,” he said, forcing a smile.
“Well if that's really how you feel. But just in case you change your mind about those lessons, here's my cell number. Stained glass can really help you express things you just can't put into words.” With that Jesse handed Robert the brown package he had been holding and started to walk back to his car.
“What's this?”
“Just open it when you have the time,” Jesse shouted over his shoulder before climbing into his car.
Robert took the package into the house and laid it down on the coffee table. He stared at it for a while, wondering what could possibly be inside it, and why he had let Jesse go so soon...so easily. With shaking hands, the man reached over and started to tear away the brown paper. Once all the paper was gone, Robert sat back and stared at what lay on his table. It was the most beautiful piece of stained glass he had ever seen. It was handcrafted with delicate and loving attention to detail. There were two men, one black and one white, with their arms around each other and bright red hearts floating about them. Robert's mind went numb, the only thing it was able to process were Jesse's words.
“Stained glass can really help you express things you just can't put into words.”
In an instant Robert was dialing Jesse's cell phone number, praying the young man would pick up. His heart nearly exploded when he heard the soft voice at the other end of the line.
“Jesse...is that offer still open? There have been some things I've been needing help expressing for a long time and I...” Robert's heart dropped to his stomach when he heard the click at the other end of the line, signaling that Jesse had hung up. Maybe he had been wrong, maybe he had been mistaken...maybe..
Just then, a soft voice broke through the silence of the house. Robert looked up to see Jesse standing in the doorway to the cabin.
“I think...I think I can help you express those emotions you were talking about.”
The older man let the phone slide out of his hand and to the ground before walking to the center of the living room. Jesse came into the house and met him in the living room. They were inches apart, Robert breathing heavily, trying to fight back the tears of joy that threatened to burst forth. Jesse brought a tender hand up to the side of Robert's face.
“What did I tell you about bottling up your emotions? It's okay to cry Robert...it's okay.” Jesse pulled the former coach's head down to his, gently pressing their lips together as he wrapped his arms around the other man's neck. Warm tears fell on his face as Robert finally let himself go....finally let his emotions free. That night, Robert didn't crawl into bed alone...for the first night in his life, he didn't wish..he had. And in the comfortable silence of the night he finally found the courage to whisper those three words. “I love you.”