letter to mom after she left sorta pissed off.
A pretext of the fact that mom wanted to visit on mon, and tues. Monday it felt like I had a hangover, and was dizzy, I felt much better today, and thought I should take advantage of it being alittle cooler to attack the tractor. That being done, colty wanted to go to town, to get supplies(That I could have gotten on the way home from work), but also wanted to frive. so we did that. we got back am=bout 20 minutes later than we were planning to(I dont know why) 1 hour was gone just getting to oakhurst and eating lunch. WTF? then the napa for a rad cap, and grocerie for milk. Got home and mom was already sorta huff, but when she asked if I wanted to go to the river, I did, but also didnt, so I said ill pass, to which she said then ill just leave from here then, and almost stormed out.
I just wrote this to appoligise to her in my attempt to not sound like a rude ass like I most likely came acrossed as. I hope it seems alittle helpfull in the im sorry leuge, but probably just sayys look at me, im broken. (I give up)..
I had wished I had felt better on monday, yet I know thats no excuse for today.
I let mike take me to Oakhurst this afternoon, for its his once a week driving time.
Things I sorta wanted to talk about, but I didnt want to bring you down. It all seems pointless these days. Im doing all I can to keep things together, and I have lost touch with what is even fun anymore.
I would have liked to go to the antuiqe stores today, but knowing I had no money, I decided to stay behind, knowing I couldnt spend anything by staying home.
I thought about going to the river with you, but I ave gotten to the point I hate sitting around, yet this is exactly what I did when I stayed here. Ive become lost, and I seem to be getting worse, instead of better.
I dont want to scare you,as I forgot to tell you when you were here, but the time I woke up with both arms numb, to what I thought was sleep apnea, was most likely a stroke. Now that the damage has been done, there is not much I can do but try to recover some of what Ive lost.
I can hardly hold a coherant conversation anymore, as I get my words all mixed up, meaning, and direction. A lot of time I talk to customers at work and I cant even say what I am thinking. I really wanted to tell you this while you were here, but the forgetfullness is compounding with me. Mike is now handling the bills, as I can look at them, and 5 minutes later I can have them 100 miles out of my mind.
Like the test questions for the epa test. I used to know them almost in my sleep, now even after studiying them, I cant hardly comprehend what they mean.
typing things lets me put into words easier than speaking what Im thinking, most likely cause Im going slow.
I am still going to try to get my ass out of this defunkt RR, and at least get out of this financailly broke hole were in.
Mike keeps pushing me to let him take his drivers test so he can put a Ca dl # on the job applications, but Im concerned that he doesnt have enough drive time behind the wheel to be safe enough. We have found that they dont even look at applications anymore without a cdl. Especially out of the area.
I have been debating trading in the new car to hopefully buy down, but I doubt they allow that. that would give an extra 400$ /month at least. Especially now that I can trust the truck to stay in its lane, Im not afraid of driving it any more. and we now have the old subaru too that I can fall back on.
Im sorry again to tell ya this stuff now, as I couldnt think to tell you when you were here. It pisses me off how stupid I feel these days. but I know there is most likely nothing to be done about it now, as its been like 4 months or more. and perhaps even a year.
Im trying to just get by day to day anymore, and look Way down the road for the future, as looking to close seems futile.
I love you, as always, and I do hop\e you had a safe drive home.
Aaron
I just wrote this to appoligise to her in my attempt to not sound like a rude ass like I most likely came acrossed as. I hope it seems alittle helpfull in the im sorry leuge, but probably just sayys look at me, im broken. (I give up)..
I had wished I had felt better on monday, yet I know thats no excuse for today.
I let mike take me to Oakhurst this afternoon, for its his once a week driving time.
Things I sorta wanted to talk about, but I didnt want to bring you down. It all seems pointless these days. Im doing all I can to keep things together, and I have lost touch with what is even fun anymore.
I would have liked to go to the antuiqe stores today, but knowing I had no money, I decided to stay behind, knowing I couldnt spend anything by staying home.
I thought about going to the river with you, but I ave gotten to the point I hate sitting around, yet this is exactly what I did when I stayed here. Ive become lost, and I seem to be getting worse, instead of better.
I dont want to scare you,as I forgot to tell you when you were here, but the time I woke up with both arms numb, to what I thought was sleep apnea, was most likely a stroke. Now that the damage has been done, there is not much I can do but try to recover some of what Ive lost.
I can hardly hold a coherant conversation anymore, as I get my words all mixed up, meaning, and direction. A lot of time I talk to customers at work and I cant even say what I am thinking. I really wanted to tell you this while you were here, but the forgetfullness is compounding with me. Mike is now handling the bills, as I can look at them, and 5 minutes later I can have them 100 miles out of my mind.
Like the test questions for the epa test. I used to know them almost in my sleep, now even after studiying them, I cant hardly comprehend what they mean.
typing things lets me put into words easier than speaking what Im thinking, most likely cause Im going slow.
I am still going to try to get my ass out of this defunkt RR, and at least get out of this financailly broke hole were in.
Mike keeps pushing me to let him take his drivers test so he can put a Ca dl # on the job applications, but Im concerned that he doesnt have enough drive time behind the wheel to be safe enough. We have found that they dont even look at applications anymore without a cdl. Especially out of the area.
I have been debating trading in the new car to hopefully buy down, but I doubt they allow that. that would give an extra 400$ /month at least. Especially now that I can trust the truck to stay in its lane, Im not afraid of driving it any more. and we now have the old subaru too that I can fall back on.
Im sorry again to tell ya this stuff now, as I couldnt think to tell you when you were here. It pisses me off how stupid I feel these days. but I know there is most likely nothing to be done about it now, as its been like 4 months or more. and perhaps even a year.
Im trying to just get by day to day anymore, and look Way down the road for the future, as looking to close seems futile.
I love you, as always, and I do hop\e you had a safe drive home.
Aaron