Blarglefarts.
Forever and a day ago, I updated this. I figure it's about time to sit down, and kind of just let the creative juices flow. This will probably be the most I've written since either my last post, or the random bullshit that I keep half-assed doing in terms of a "story." So, if you decide (for whatever reason) to continue on this little trek with me, I apologize in advance for anything that might come off as a bit bitter, or unsavory.
Last month, I did something that I know I shouldn't have done. If you don't know what I'm talking about, please allow me to elaborate. I crawled into a bottle. August never happened to me. Probably for the best, but, it would appear as if I'm the "up and up" now. The reason I decided that alcohol to drown my problems seemed like a good idea is simply put as "heartache." In a deep downward spiral, I did what I thought to be right. Turns out--- I was REALLY fucking wrong. Because of an addictive personality, and friends that encourage me to get tanked, I found it's hard to leave something when it's available in abundance. This thought process is the same with smoking. But! Not all bad has happened since my last post. I had an amazing birthday with some of the best people (friends) that a guy could really ask for. I got a job. I have an interest in someone of the opposite sex. I am starting to finally get my shit together. 'Bout time, right? Well... some of us are just late bloomers.
I'm sure if you're reading this, you're going to expect me to open up more. Well, you're expectation is going to be fulfilled. The interest in the opposite sex is something that is damn near foreign at this point. It's been about two years since that fucking bullshit that had happened. I'm pretty sure that I'm a bitter fuck because of it, but, I'm still me regardless of circumstances. But, I digress. This woman is amazing. She has everything anyone could ever want. EVER. I'm sure she'll read this at some point, and turn a bright shade of red. But, again, that's not the point. The point is simply this: I think I'm starting to understand what it means to be happy. Like, when your heart smiles for someone, they can't see it, but you just feel like you're capable of so much more. You want to try harder. You want to do your best at all times. Fucking crazy shit if you ask me, but, it's a good feeling. No more regret. No more hostility. No more this. No more that.
Scatterbrained: I think I might be. I can't seem to stay focused on any task at hand as of late. My mind has pretty much turned into this big bag of suck. I can't keep focused. I can't keep focused. I can't keep focused. This is probably the most thought that I've put into anything (outside of work) in a good while. I still smoke. I still do stupid shit that I'm probably going to end up wishing I hadn't after it's all said and done, but, fuck it. Somethings will never change. Otherwise I'll work my ass off to obtain the things in life that I want. Just so happens that it's not things I want, but people. Odd? Sure. Unrealistic? Not really. Attention is something that I'd like to have, but, I do not crave it. I like the way some people look at me. Makes me feel good about myself (which is a fucking rarity within itself, damn close to an enigma) and it just puts me in brighter spirits. If you're not quite catching on, read the previous paragraph.
My music taste is starting to broaden a bit. I won't go into detail on this because I know as well as the majority of people that know me... I can talk (at length) about music. It's always good to be passionate about something though, right?
Passion. Love. Lust. Hate. Malice. Spite.
Passion. Love. Lust. Hate. Malice. Spite.
Passion. Love. Lust. Hate. Malice. Spite.
No matter which of the previous you feel, it doesn't matter. Just make sure you that you feel *something.*
In short, I feel a lot better. I am coming into my own, and I'm learning a lot about me.
Last month, I did something that I know I shouldn't have done. If you don't know what I'm talking about, please allow me to elaborate. I crawled into a bottle. August never happened to me. Probably for the best, but, it would appear as if I'm the "up and up" now. The reason I decided that alcohol to drown my problems seemed like a good idea is simply put as "heartache." In a deep downward spiral, I did what I thought to be right. Turns out--- I was REALLY fucking wrong. Because of an addictive personality, and friends that encourage me to get tanked, I found it's hard to leave something when it's available in abundance. This thought process is the same with smoking. But! Not all bad has happened since my last post. I had an amazing birthday with some of the best people (friends) that a guy could really ask for. I got a job. I have an interest in someone of the opposite sex. I am starting to finally get my shit together. 'Bout time, right? Well... some of us are just late bloomers.
I'm sure if you're reading this, you're going to expect me to open up more. Well, you're expectation is going to be fulfilled. The interest in the opposite sex is something that is damn near foreign at this point. It's been about two years since that fucking bullshit that had happened. I'm pretty sure that I'm a bitter fuck because of it, but, I'm still me regardless of circumstances. But, I digress. This woman is amazing. She has everything anyone could ever want. EVER. I'm sure she'll read this at some point, and turn a bright shade of red. But, again, that's not the point. The point is simply this: I think I'm starting to understand what it means to be happy. Like, when your heart smiles for someone, they can't see it, but you just feel like you're capable of so much more. You want to try harder. You want to do your best at all times. Fucking crazy shit if you ask me, but, it's a good feeling. No more regret. No more hostility. No more this. No more that.
Scatterbrained: I think I might be. I can't seem to stay focused on any task at hand as of late. My mind has pretty much turned into this big bag of suck. I can't keep focused. I can't keep focused. I can't keep focused. This is probably the most thought that I've put into anything (outside of work) in a good while. I still smoke. I still do stupid shit that I'm probably going to end up wishing I hadn't after it's all said and done, but, fuck it. Somethings will never change. Otherwise I'll work my ass off to obtain the things in life that I want. Just so happens that it's not things I want, but people. Odd? Sure. Unrealistic? Not really. Attention is something that I'd like to have, but, I do not crave it. I like the way some people look at me. Makes me feel good about myself (which is a fucking rarity within itself, damn close to an enigma) and it just puts me in brighter spirits. If you're not quite catching on, read the previous paragraph.
My music taste is starting to broaden a bit. I won't go into detail on this because I know as well as the majority of people that know me... I can talk (at length) about music. It's always good to be passionate about something though, right?
Passion. Love. Lust. Hate. Malice. Spite.
Passion. Love. Lust. Hate. Malice. Spite.
Passion. Love. Lust. Hate. Malice. Spite.
No matter which of the previous you feel, it doesn't matter. Just make sure you that you feel *something.*
In short, I feel a lot better. I am coming into my own, and I'm learning a lot about me.