Why Even Bother?
Alright, because I'm too lazy to go back and check, I think the last time that I updated this was about 13 weeks ago. And my last post wasn't quite happy, so, I'll shed some light on the situation that lead to that simple, yet powerful, update.
I'm single. I saw it coming, yet, I did nothing to completely prepare myself for it. Um, six years gone, and why, because she wanted to try something different. And different just so happened to be a 30 year old guy (mind you, she's 19) that she met in a Yahoo chat room that could have very well slit her throat. So, in all, I got dumped, for a possible serial killer/rapist.
And after all that happened, my cousin had introduced me to a girl awhile back, and about two months or so ago, she had admitted to having feelings for me, and at the time, I knew nothing would happen because I know it would hurt my cousin (this girl is like, his idea o perfect, and one thing lead to another, etc, etc) but to me, it seems more like a case of him getting his own medicine to an extent. And by that, I mean, when my ex girlfriend and I weren't dating (this was probably a year or so ago) they were sitting behind me sucking face while I sprawled out on the floor using every fiber of my being not to stand up, strangle them both, and leave. Also, me and this girl, let's call her, Deb, did absolutely nothing in front of him. Everything was behind closed doors, and now, he's no longer speaking to me. Saying that I'm manipulative, and all that nonsense. Deb, actually got engaged to her boyfriend, which left me high and dry. I suppose I should just get used to it by now.
And the most recent installment to Brent's failed female problems, I've been offered a "good time," by a friend of a friend, whom is married, and her husband is away at basic training for the Air Force. What does my conscience tell me to do? Don't do it. What does the smaller head say? Go for it. From my personal morals, I know I should say no, but-- it seems intriguing. I have less than a week to think about this, so, I suppose I should just wait until the day draws closer. I highly doubt anything will happen, but, with booze around, something might come up. That is-- assuming that I drink.
So, basically, nothing really "new" I guess, just me and the same problems that I think I'm going to have for quite some time. I had asked a friend, "are all women crazy," and without missing a beat, he said, "Brent, yes, yes they are. It is your job to find the one that won't try and change you, and love you for the person that stands here in front of me." Which got me to really start thinking, I'm not rightly sure who I am. I mean, yes, I have a vague idea, but, in the end, do we really ever figure out ourselves to the full extent, and utilize all potential that could possibly be unleashed? Highly doubt it. Things are just moving to fast, and moving downwards. And so far, to top everything else (not really) I've been up for 32 hours, and yet, I'm sitting here typing this out. Why? I have absolutely no idea. Chances of anyone reading this far? Unlikely.
I suppose the underlying meaning is simply this-- "When life gives you lemons, you must take those lemons and make lemonade," but, I've been shot so many times in the eye with the juice, I'm about ready to just say "fuck it," and live my life the way that I want to. It's crazy to have seen hell, clawed my way back out, stare down a hole so deep, and so dark that the devil himself would tremble in fear, and I sit here and tell the tale. I suppose whatever doesn't kill me, will only make me stronger.
I think this update should last awhile. I've covered everything. Well, everything but one thing... I've been working again. So, steady checks are making life just a bit more sweeter. And in one month, I get my new glasses, my new tattoo, and a few of my piercings. Life can begin anew with a simple change of look.
Cheers,
-Brent.
I'm single. I saw it coming, yet, I did nothing to completely prepare myself for it. Um, six years gone, and why, because she wanted to try something different. And different just so happened to be a 30 year old guy (mind you, she's 19) that she met in a Yahoo chat room that could have very well slit her throat. So, in all, I got dumped, for a possible serial killer/rapist.
And after all that happened, my cousin had introduced me to a girl awhile back, and about two months or so ago, she had admitted to having feelings for me, and at the time, I knew nothing would happen because I know it would hurt my cousin (this girl is like, his idea o perfect, and one thing lead to another, etc, etc) but to me, it seems more like a case of him getting his own medicine to an extent. And by that, I mean, when my ex girlfriend and I weren't dating (this was probably a year or so ago) they were sitting behind me sucking face while I sprawled out on the floor using every fiber of my being not to stand up, strangle them both, and leave. Also, me and this girl, let's call her, Deb, did absolutely nothing in front of him. Everything was behind closed doors, and now, he's no longer speaking to me. Saying that I'm manipulative, and all that nonsense. Deb, actually got engaged to her boyfriend, which left me high and dry. I suppose I should just get used to it by now.
And the most recent installment to Brent's failed female problems, I've been offered a "good time," by a friend of a friend, whom is married, and her husband is away at basic training for the Air Force. What does my conscience tell me to do? Don't do it. What does the smaller head say? Go for it. From my personal morals, I know I should say no, but-- it seems intriguing. I have less than a week to think about this, so, I suppose I should just wait until the day draws closer. I highly doubt anything will happen, but, with booze around, something might come up. That is-- assuming that I drink.
So, basically, nothing really "new" I guess, just me and the same problems that I think I'm going to have for quite some time. I had asked a friend, "are all women crazy," and without missing a beat, he said, "Brent, yes, yes they are. It is your job to find the one that won't try and change you, and love you for the person that stands here in front of me." Which got me to really start thinking, I'm not rightly sure who I am. I mean, yes, I have a vague idea, but, in the end, do we really ever figure out ourselves to the full extent, and utilize all potential that could possibly be unleashed? Highly doubt it. Things are just moving to fast, and moving downwards. And so far, to top everything else (not really) I've been up for 32 hours, and yet, I'm sitting here typing this out. Why? I have absolutely no idea. Chances of anyone reading this far? Unlikely.
I suppose the underlying meaning is simply this-- "When life gives you lemons, you must take those lemons and make lemonade," but, I've been shot so many times in the eye with the juice, I'm about ready to just say "fuck it," and live my life the way that I want to. It's crazy to have seen hell, clawed my way back out, stare down a hole so deep, and so dark that the devil himself would tremble in fear, and I sit here and tell the tale. I suppose whatever doesn't kill me, will only make me stronger.
I think this update should last awhile. I've covered everything. Well, everything but one thing... I've been working again. So, steady checks are making life just a bit more sweeter. And in one month, I get my new glasses, my new tattoo, and a few of my piercings. Life can begin anew with a simple change of look.
Cheers,
-Brent.