(no subject)
Well, I do believe it is time for an update. Eight weeks have gone by (almost without even noticing) and well, not a whole lot of interesting shit has happened, but hey. I live in a shit town if you're under 21. Therefore, not a whole lot of interesting shit happens.
Anyways, I just want to like-- talk? I guess. So I will say this before continuing, if you don't really care, don't read on. If you do, feel free.
I think I've come to a conclusion about something. There is a heaven. And a hell. And I don't mean to say that there is for certain a God, or Devil. But I believe both locations exist. Hell is here. Earth. And well, we're just too blind to open our eyes and realize that everyday life involves suffering to some degree, or something that makes you question the existence of a higher power, for example-- every day someone on this planet dies. I know that might not seem like a whole lot in the grand scheme of things, and I know no one is destined to live forever. But still. Alright, so that might not work. I'll put it in another type of context. Everyday someone is murdered. Whether it be from war, greed, passion, what have you-- and that person (the murderer) is taking more than they can imagine away from someone else. And if you're still reading, you're probably thinking "what the hell is your point?" My point is simply this. If God did exist, and is residing in what everyone imagines Heaven to be, why would he allow such behavior? Why would he/she allow such heartache, hurting such good people. Therefore, the Devil, (whoever that might be) watches over earth. And God, whoever he/she might be, just kicks back and watches us. Like, in a "big brother is watching," type of sense. It's kind of sickening to think about it. I realize this is random, any probably talking in circles, and honestly, I don't really care.
Next topic. I've always been told I'm a pretty nice guy. I think it's about time to change that. It seems that every time I do something nice, something backfires, and I get royally fucked over. Kind of like a doormat. Always getting stuck and stepped on. It's hard to be something that I don't think I really am. I can't be mean to people on purpose. But God dammit, if I don't I'm going to be continually stepped on, taken for granted, and fucked over in the end. It's a fucking joke, with a horrid punchline that hurts every time. I hate whining, but I can't think of any other way to put it to something. I've been listening to a lot of Streetlight Manifesto lately, and well, their lyrics are slowly starting to make more and more sense. That's either good or bad. I mean, possibly my favorite song by them would be, "Point/Counterpoint." And the first lyrics are about trying to take your life, but the gun won't fire. I guess you could say I'm doing the same thing, only it'll take longer. Smoking will eventually kill me. And well, my smoking habits have increased possibly 60%. And last I checked, that's bad. I go through about two packs a day. Yeah, that's forty cigarettes, (roughly) a day. It's just a matter of time, right?
Fuck. Just-- why can't it be easier? I know life isn't supposed to be handed to you, but Jesus. And on top of me being all down and whatnot, my girlfriend is telling me things that I REALLY shouldn't know. I don't really want to go into detail with it, because I'm afraid I'll do something to either myself, or something. Sometimes, a temper is a curse. Others a burden. Why can't I fucking figure out which is which?
Seriously, I think this will do. If you've read this far, congratu-fucking-lations. If you're going to wait for another update, don't hold your breath. It'll be awhile.
Toodle-fucking-do.
Anyways, I just want to like-- talk? I guess. So I will say this before continuing, if you don't really care, don't read on. If you do, feel free.
I think I've come to a conclusion about something. There is a heaven. And a hell. And I don't mean to say that there is for certain a God, or Devil. But I believe both locations exist. Hell is here. Earth. And well, we're just too blind to open our eyes and realize that everyday life involves suffering to some degree, or something that makes you question the existence of a higher power, for example-- every day someone on this planet dies. I know that might not seem like a whole lot in the grand scheme of things, and I know no one is destined to live forever. But still. Alright, so that might not work. I'll put it in another type of context. Everyday someone is murdered. Whether it be from war, greed, passion, what have you-- and that person (the murderer) is taking more than they can imagine away from someone else. And if you're still reading, you're probably thinking "what the hell is your point?" My point is simply this. If God did exist, and is residing in what everyone imagines Heaven to be, why would he allow such behavior? Why would he/she allow such heartache, hurting such good people. Therefore, the Devil, (whoever that might be) watches over earth. And God, whoever he/she might be, just kicks back and watches us. Like, in a "big brother is watching," type of sense. It's kind of sickening to think about it. I realize this is random, any probably talking in circles, and honestly, I don't really care.
Next topic. I've always been told I'm a pretty nice guy. I think it's about time to change that. It seems that every time I do something nice, something backfires, and I get royally fucked over. Kind of like a doormat. Always getting stuck and stepped on. It's hard to be something that I don't think I really am. I can't be mean to people on purpose. But God dammit, if I don't I'm going to be continually stepped on, taken for granted, and fucked over in the end. It's a fucking joke, with a horrid punchline that hurts every time. I hate whining, but I can't think of any other way to put it to something. I've been listening to a lot of Streetlight Manifesto lately, and well, their lyrics are slowly starting to make more and more sense. That's either good or bad. I mean, possibly my favorite song by them would be, "Point/Counterpoint." And the first lyrics are about trying to take your life, but the gun won't fire. I guess you could say I'm doing the same thing, only it'll take longer. Smoking will eventually kill me. And well, my smoking habits have increased possibly 60%. And last I checked, that's bad. I go through about two packs a day. Yeah, that's forty cigarettes, (roughly) a day. It's just a matter of time, right?
Fuck. Just-- why can't it be easier? I know life isn't supposed to be handed to you, but Jesus. And on top of me being all down and whatnot, my girlfriend is telling me things that I REALLY shouldn't know. I don't really want to go into detail with it, because I'm afraid I'll do something to either myself, or something. Sometimes, a temper is a curse. Others a burden. Why can't I fucking figure out which is which?
Seriously, I think this will do. If you've read this far, congratu-fucking-lations. If you're going to wait for another update, don't hold your breath. It'll be awhile.
Toodle-fucking-do.