Mar 24, 2012 15:55
I FEEL LIKE MYSELF AGAIN.
God, it only took 2 fucking months to get back to a state where I feel normal and healthy (in my head anyway). And to think, all it took was dying, two psychological breakdowns, a whole hell of a lot of mental and emotional roller coaster rides, and more tears than I've probably cried since before I was 12 years old.
I think I've invented a whole new type of psychosis that I'll have to record somewhere later detailing the experience.
Good thing I'm a survivor.
So where do I stand now?
I'm a whole new me. I've got free time again so I'm using it to try to rediscover my old passions and DO stuff again. Play all the games I've let collect dust in my living room, pick at my guitar again, work on my sketching and my writing, dabble in my language programs. My sister is leaving in a few days(?) and then it'll just be me, my mother, and grandmother still in the area. I don't think I'll ever bring myself to leave. This is my home in a way nowhere else has ever been. Everything significant that's ever happened to me is here, all the good, all the bad. Where else would I go?
I feel a little like a bird, circling a tree. Every now and then I alight on a branch because I'm not certain where to go, but I'm too restless to stay grounded so I just have to take flight, like surfacing to breathe.
Part of me wants to run around and go absolutely crazy while the other part's sitting there going, 'oh, settle down you silly child before you hurt someone'. I just want to give everyone a big 'fuck you' and 'have a nice day'!
Maybe I will.
fuck the world,
blah,
i just want to be happy