I can't really say I like the ways I'm feeling these days.
And it's entirely due to last week.
Last Monday something happened that I'm still feeling and still reeling over, like slowing circles of the head-over-feet kind. And since then...
I don't know.
I feel like I should be pissed off. I want to be pissed off. Instead, I feel sick. Trapped. Acutely aware of the condition I've spent my whole life living and working around, but now it feels like an itch under my skin, a nagging in my brain. It squirms in my stomach under the slightest provocation and fuck I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
I don't want this, dammit.
I don't want this sensation, this crawling that makes me want to run, want to bite, want to lay down and hide. It's fucking ridiculous and I can't live like this.
I used to just...live, you know? And I was okay with that. I was fine, I was comfortable, I was happy. And now...now I feel like I need to escape but there's nowhere to go.
Seriously, what the hell have they done to me?
Why am I so afraid?
Last Monday something happened that I'm still feeling and still reeling over, like slowing circles of the head-over-feet kind. And since then...
I don't know.
I feel like I should be pissed off. I want to be pissed off. Instead, I feel sick. Trapped. Acutely aware of the condition I've spent my whole life living and working around, but now it feels like an itch under my skin, a nagging in my brain. It squirms in my stomach under the slightest provocation and fuck I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.
I don't want this, dammit.
I don't want this sensation, this crawling that makes me want to run, want to bite, want to lay down and hide. It's fucking ridiculous and I can't live like this.
I used to just...live, you know? And I was okay with that. I was fine, I was comfortable, I was happy. And now...now I feel like I need to escape but there's nowhere to go.
Seriously, what the hell have they done to me?
Why am I so afraid?