A quick reflection.
I dont even know what to say or where to begin. My brain is swimming. I am lost at sea in my own thoughts. I Worry because in the course of only 2 weeks my full proof save money plan is gone. I seem to be at no money and falling back into less then no money fast. I need side jobs, side jobs, side jobs. And I need them fast. I am going to AZ no matter what. But i dont wanna live pay check to paycheck or be in debt when i go out there. I wanna be at zero or really above zero as much as i can.
Next up is my car. It is being poo. I plan to have my dad help me but i fear there may be a good amount of stuff that needs to be done. I just hope my car can hold out a little bit longer.
Then the trip it self and life. Things are moving so fast. Jan is over and Feb is moving faster then the speed of light. I still dont have my CPR book i need. Which is bad but i just dont have money for a $60 book and i dont wanna ask mom or dad cause i want their help with my car more! Then there is that i have taken and thrown out anything i cant and or wont ever wear again. I am running short on nice clothing. I need basics. I want my mom to help i dont know that she will. But i do need some new stuff. Esp shoes. Then the show is moving at a lightening pace. By Thrusday i dont have a day off untill after the show ends. Which means then it will be MARCH! Which means exactly 2 months till i leave. It is just so unreal how fast it is all moving.
More on life tho. I went to the store over the weekend Michelle and I played on scales in bed bath and beyond for like half an hr. The scales revealed nothing good. I was hoping maybe since being sick i had lost some weight. Maybe all of two pounds. I still need to loose 30 pounds. 30! How did i put that much weight on in such a short amount of time. I feel so much more aware of my weight now since i stood on those scales. I just want it off. I deff want it off by summer when i have to wear a swim siut all the time. Will it happen? I dont i know i have to do all i can.
Boys confuse my head too. What to do with them? I dont know. Right now with the whole weight issue listed above i dont feel sexy enough to think boys would look at me any how. Besides that i am not really looking for boys. So who knows. Just a mess when it comes to relations i suppose.
All in all i am good trying to make sure i dont abandon my goals. Trying to make things work. Struggling harder then ever to stay above the churning water.
Next up is my car. It is being poo. I plan to have my dad help me but i fear there may be a good amount of stuff that needs to be done. I just hope my car can hold out a little bit longer.
Then the trip it self and life. Things are moving so fast. Jan is over and Feb is moving faster then the speed of light. I still dont have my CPR book i need. Which is bad but i just dont have money for a $60 book and i dont wanna ask mom or dad cause i want their help with my car more! Then there is that i have taken and thrown out anything i cant and or wont ever wear again. I am running short on nice clothing. I need basics. I want my mom to help i dont know that she will. But i do need some new stuff. Esp shoes. Then the show is moving at a lightening pace. By Thrusday i dont have a day off untill after the show ends. Which means then it will be MARCH! Which means exactly 2 months till i leave. It is just so unreal how fast it is all moving.
More on life tho. I went to the store over the weekend Michelle and I played on scales in bed bath and beyond for like half an hr. The scales revealed nothing good. I was hoping maybe since being sick i had lost some weight. Maybe all of two pounds. I still need to loose 30 pounds. 30! How did i put that much weight on in such a short amount of time. I feel so much more aware of my weight now since i stood on those scales. I just want it off. I deff want it off by summer when i have to wear a swim siut all the time. Will it happen? I dont i know i have to do all i can.
Boys confuse my head too. What to do with them? I dont know. Right now with the whole weight issue listed above i dont feel sexy enough to think boys would look at me any how. Besides that i am not really looking for boys. So who knows. Just a mess when it comes to relations i suppose.
All in all i am good trying to make sure i dont abandon my goals. Trying to make things work. Struggling harder then ever to stay above the churning water.