*This is entirely too painful for Auspex to watch* No, don't do that. *She reaches up, hand to either side of his face, in a careful attempt to persuade him to turn it back to her* It was not you who chose this metamorphosis; you never asked for that change. Silverbolt did not have that sort of destructive desire within him, and you know that.
He fought it... he would not allow his brothers to be killed, or become what Jetstorm had become, as Unicron's people would have them be. He twisted the hatred back in on itself, and reinvented it, to the best of his ability, into something that would spare their lives. Perhaps death would have been preferable for them... but he held on to the hope that the circumstances could change. Horrible things happened to him, to all of them, but ultimately, he was right. Those circumstances are dead and gone, and he is stronger for it.
He did horrible things, himself... but his mind did not belong to himself only. He struggled against Unicron's Chaos, always. The blame for Jetstorm's madness lies with the Chaos Bringer and his minions. *Her voice darkens* It is their work, to destroy what others love.
Silverbolt-Jetstorm is not the Autobot that he once was, he cannot go back - my lord and I would gladly give him that, if he wished it, if it were possible... *her optics flicker, and she bows her head for a silent moment, in regret* But, Jetstorm can have his joy again. He must relearn joy. His brothers' joy has atrophied, as they watched his wither and die... but theirs is not gone. When they find it again, they can teach their brother.
*Hands still to his face, she strokes the side of his helm, fervently praying for the easement of his torturous self-blame* And, it is my work, to restore faith in love. I refuse to leave you drowning in these regrets, and I refuse to allow your brothers to forget what you mean to them. Changed or not, you are still their brother, and they are yours, and you need each other. I will do all that I can, to remind all of you of this. Please, allow yourself forgiveness. *she manages a tiny, encouraging smile*
Jetstorm twists his head under her hands, trying not to be drawn down into those indigo optics of hers. "Auspex..."
It's not that easy. How can he forgive himself for what he has done when everything he did he did of his own free will? Madness was a reason, but it did not change the torment he had caused and delighted in. He had brought much pain and death to the world, and he would have to atone for that.
But her voice is soothing where he can't believe her words, and her presence is warm and bright to him. "Faith in love..."
*Auspex sighs very softly, lowering her hands from his face to rest on his shoulders. This... isn't exactly what she'd meant, really; but if it brings him some solace, it is good. He doesn't understand, doesn't want to understand; but...
But she can't stand up to this. What is it, about a kiss, that feels like solid emotion? It drowns her senses, scatters her thoughts, makes it insanely difficult for her to be aware of anything outside of it. She can't help but return it, feeling the deep empathic joy of finding a way to communicate her affection to someone she cares for, has been sent to care for, that needs no words...
But still, she feels she must speak. With difficulty, she pulls back, just enough to turn her head to the side and rest her cheek against his. Her voice is barely audible* I know, I know it's hard for you, I've seen the destruction Unicron's power in his followers can cause. I've had to pick up the pieces afterward.
Your choices were your own, but they were under a torturous influence. I... don't know how to hold you accountable for that, what can be done in exchange for it... how can I blame a corrupted mind, once the corruptor is gone? Primus understands better than I can, and he is willing to dismiss it, if only simply to spite Unicron. All I can do, is embody that forgiveness, and try to communicate it to you...
There are times, so many times, when Jetstorm has given up conscious thought and deliberation for blind following of his emotions. Usually that came from suffering pain and resulted in him delivering it a thousandfold in return.
Sometimes, rarely, it was pleasure that swept him up in the tides of solace.
Auspex is urging him to think, to deliberate and reflect. But it is not as tempting as her warmth and light, and so he merely tilts his head to kiss her again.
*Auspex hesitates for a long moment, bowing her head slightly, unsure. She is a creature of thought, as well as emotion; in her experience, the two are almost inextricably linked. She understands that right now, he wants the comfort of closeness, rather than the reasoning that will allow comfort and hope... but how can she be silent, when he feels this weighty remorse? This distracts him, but it does not address his problem...*
*...But really, can she address it, right now? There is nothing to be done about his relationship with his brothers, until they return, and there is nothing she can say to him, to allow him to let go of the guilt of his time as Void's second... not if he will not listen.*
*And so, she struggles.*
Jetstorm... this is very... difficult for me. *her voice takes on a troubled, almost stricken tone* I'm here, because I want to help you, and this seems almost counter-productive... but I -- what do you want of me? Why do I not understand this? I am confused...
*she sighs contritely, though she does inch closer to lean against him, feeling a bit like a lost child* If you wish to offer me your affection... I think I must learn to accept it gracefully. It's not something I know how to do... you will have to help me learn. *her optics dim, as she gazes up at him*
His thoughts have become mired in guilt and despair, a cycle of bleakness that will kill his soul as surely as Sideways would have. Dimly, Jetstorm understands this, that he needs to break out of this sense that his suffering is just. But there are too many facts and deeds, too many moments of objective truth when he was a monster.
If he accepts that a form of insanity is to blame for his behavior, then he must be healed of it before he can be allowed among the company of other people. If it was his own choices, unencumbered by mental incapacity, then he is something far more twisted than Motormaster.
So he holds onto the source of light and kisses her cheeks softly as she speaks. "Sssh, sssh. There is a comfort in silence, Auspex."
Not everything that is broken can be repaired in one session.
*She sighs somewhat anxiously, but she lets him hold her, still resting her hands on his shoulders, still intently focused on his emotions* I will be content with that... if you do not use the silence to further condemn yourself. *her gaze is beseeching: stop hurting, it hurts me also, be comforted*
*Her optics flicker, as Jetstorm's lips touch her face. Her lines of thought scatter, somewhat; it's so hard to allow him this... she doesn't feel like a servant, when he is focusing his attention on her.*
*She reaches up again, smoothing white fingers on dark helm; at least attempting to soothe him is something that she does understand.*
Her fingers stroking over his helm, touching the plating, following the upticks of his antlers, soothes him. Tension drains out of him in little eddies, and he covers his face with gentle kisses.
*she blinks up at him, a bit dazed under the onslaught of affection. She is rather aware of where they are, and which people might be disturbed at the sight of a hesitant priestess thus attended by a charge.*
*But the darkness in his thoughts is easing, and, honestly... there are times she craves the chance to lavish affection on those she serves and loves, without fear of offending, or embarassing, or frightening them. She frightens herself, at times, with the depth of feeling they draw from her; how she resonates with their pain, how much she wishes to vanquish it, with words, or with actions, anything, short of harming others, that will not only banish it, but ensure that it doesn't return.*
*She takes shelter in Primus' love and peace, but there are times she wishes for a tangible source of it. She's not sure she has the presence of mind to refuse Jetstorm's affection, even with the possibility of being seen by someone who would find their faith in her to waver, for it. Besides, ideally, her charges would be mature enough to realize that she is not overstepping the boundaries of servanthood, standing here, letting Jetstorm hold her. As she concentrates on the lessening of his anguish, she trembles, uneasy, joyful, relieved, and regretful, all at once.*
*Her voice holds a tiny waver, though she leans a little closer against him* I am not trying to do anything, other than ease your sadness, and self-blame...
Jetstorm kneads at her armor, reveling in the ability to touch her, hold her and know she will not be taken away from him. "You do not need to try to do anything other than that, Auspex. I do not think you could stop doing what you do, and I think it would fall flat if you consciously attempted it."
He smiles, a ghost-smile that almost seems imagined once it vanishes.
*Auspex tilts her head, silent and thoughtful, though she is still trembling faintly, partly unsettled at his wish to keep her so near, partly thankful for the support* I'm not sure what it is that is affecting you, to even make the attempt, anyway.
*She looks up to see the flicker of smile come and go, and very lightly smooths the backs of her fingers against his cheek, making a simple observation* You smiled... but you stopped.
"I do that." He cycles air, turns back out to look at the morning sun. "I have smiled as I killed, as I damned my brothers, as I gave worlds to my god. I have smiled as I toyed with my beloved and as I have laid on my back for the Void."
*Auspex shudders slightly, scooting just that much closer. A vision once allowed her to see the state his brothers were in when he'd caught them. She knows of Void's treatment of Scourge; Jetstorm was his second, rather than his prisoner, but it's no less disturbing to contemplate what Jetstorm is implying. His treatment of Motormaster, his aid in destroying planets... more things that she'd rather not imagine*
*She's seen some of that Chaotic darkness, seen the effects of it; she knows what haunts his past. But now, she wants to look at his future.*
*she lowers her hand from his cheek, leaning her helm there instead, and wraps her arms around him, potential audience or not* You need new things to smile about. Good things, light things; no more darkness.
*she pauses to peer at him quizzically; it's a somewhat comical expression on an otherwise serious face. She smiles uncertainly* You are humanizing at me, I think? *She chuckles softly, getting the idea, if not the specific expression*
The future is what you make of it. But, I am optimistic. I am also hopeful that you will learn to be so, again, yourself. It will take time and patience... but I have faith in you. *her smile is much more confident, this time, full of the peace and reassurance that is her strength*
He fought it... he would not allow his brothers to be killed, or become what Jetstorm had become, as Unicron's people would have them be. He twisted the hatred back in on itself, and reinvented it, to the best of his ability, into something that would spare their lives. Perhaps death would have been preferable for them... but he held on to the hope that the circumstances could change. Horrible things happened to him, to all of them, but ultimately, he was right. Those circumstances are dead and gone, and he is stronger for it.
He did horrible things, himself... but his mind did not belong to himself only. He struggled against Unicron's Chaos, always. The blame for Jetstorm's madness lies with the Chaos Bringer and his minions. *Her voice darkens* It is their work, to destroy what others love.
Silverbolt-Jetstorm is not the Autobot that he once was, he cannot go back - my lord and I would gladly give him that, if he wished it, if it were possible... *her optics flicker, and she bows her head for a silent moment, in regret* But, Jetstorm can have his joy again. He must relearn joy. His brothers' joy has atrophied, as they watched his wither and die... but theirs is not gone. When they find it again, they can teach their brother.
*Hands still to his face, she strokes the side of his helm, fervently praying for the easement of his torturous self-blame* And, it is my work, to restore faith in love. I refuse to leave you drowning in these regrets, and I refuse to allow your brothers to forget what you mean to them. Changed or not, you are still their brother, and they are yours, and you need each other. I will do all that I can, to remind all of you of this. Please, allow yourself forgiveness. *she manages a tiny, encouraging smile*
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It's not that easy. How can he forgive himself for what he has done when everything he did he did of his own free will? Madness was a reason, but it did not change the torment he had caused and delighted in. He had brought much pain and death to the world, and he would have to atone for that.
But her voice is soothing where he can't believe her words, and her presence is warm and bright to him. "Faith in love..."
He dips his head and kisses her gently.
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But she can't stand up to this. What is it, about a kiss, that feels like solid emotion? It drowns her senses, scatters her thoughts, makes it insanely difficult for her to be aware of anything outside of it. She can't help but return it, feeling the deep empathic joy of finding a way to communicate her affection to someone she cares for, has been sent to care for, that needs no words...
But still, she feels she must speak. With difficulty, she pulls back, just enough to turn her head to the side and rest her cheek against his. Her voice is barely audible* I know, I know it's hard for you, I've seen the destruction Unicron's power in his followers can cause. I've had to pick up the pieces afterward.
Your choices were your own, but they were under a torturous influence. I... don't know how to hold you accountable for that, what can be done in exchange for it... how can I blame a corrupted mind, once the corruptor is gone? Primus understands better than I can, and he is willing to dismiss it, if only simply to spite Unicron. All I can do, is embody that forgiveness, and try to communicate it to you...
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Sometimes, rarely, it was pleasure that swept him up in the tides of solace.
Auspex is urging him to think, to deliberate and reflect. But it is not as tempting as her warmth and light, and so he merely tilts his head to kiss her again.
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*...But really, can she address it, right now? There is nothing to be done about his relationship with his brothers, until they return, and there is nothing she can say to him, to allow him to let go of the guilt of his time as Void's second... not if he will not listen.*
*And so, she struggles.*
Jetstorm... this is very... difficult for me. *her voice takes on a troubled, almost stricken tone* I'm here, because I want to help you, and this seems almost counter-productive... but I -- what do you want of me? Why do I not understand this? I am confused...
*she sighs contritely, though she does inch closer to lean against him, feeling a bit like a lost child* If you wish to offer me your affection... I think I must learn to accept it gracefully. It's not something I know how to do... you will have to help me learn. *her optics dim, as she gazes up at him*
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If he accepts that a form of insanity is to blame for his behavior, then he must be healed of it before he can be allowed among the company of other people. If it was his own choices, unencumbered by mental incapacity, then he is something far more twisted than Motormaster.
So he holds onto the source of light and kisses her cheeks softly as she speaks. "Sssh, sssh. There is a comfort in silence, Auspex."
Not everything that is broken can be repaired in one session.
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*Her optics flicker, as Jetstorm's lips touch her face. Her lines of thought scatter, somewhat; it's so hard to allow him this... she doesn't feel like a servant, when he is focusing his attention on her.*
*She reaches up again, smoothing white fingers on dark helm; at least attempting to soothe him is something that she does understand.*
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"Ah, lightshine, what you do to me..."
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*But the darkness in his thoughts is easing, and, honestly... there are times she craves the chance to lavish affection on those she serves and loves, without fear of offending, or embarassing, or frightening them. She frightens herself, at times, with the depth of feeling they draw from her; how she resonates with their pain, how much she wishes to vanquish it, with words, or with actions, anything, short of harming others, that will not only banish it, but ensure that it doesn't return.*
*She takes shelter in Primus' love and peace, but there are times she wishes for a tangible source of it. She's not sure she has the presence of mind to refuse Jetstorm's affection, even with the possibility of being seen by someone who would find their faith in her to waver, for it. Besides, ideally, her charges would be mature enough to realize that she is not overstepping the boundaries of servanthood, standing here, letting Jetstorm hold her. As she concentrates on the lessening of his anguish, she trembles, uneasy, joyful, relieved, and regretful, all at once.*
*Her voice holds a tiny waver, though she leans a little closer against him* I am not trying to do anything, other than ease your sadness, and self-blame...
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He smiles, a ghost-smile that almost seems imagined once it vanishes.
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*She looks up to see the flicker of smile come and go, and very lightly smooths the backs of her fingers against his cheek, making a simple observation* You smiled... but you stopped.
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"Is it any wonder that smiles flee from me now?"
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*She's seen some of that Chaotic darkness, seen the effects of it; she knows what haunts his past. But now, she wants to look at his future.*
*she lowers her hand from his cheek, leaning her helm there instead, and wraps her arms around him, potential audience or not* You need new things to smile about. Good things, light things; no more darkness.
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The future is what you make of it. But, I am optimistic. I am also hopeful that you will learn to be so, again, yourself. It will take time and patience... but I have faith in you. *her smile is much more confident, this time, full of the peace and reassurance that is her strength*
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