An unsent letter
*takes a deep breath* I'm frustrated, and annoyed, and angry, and hurt. I wrote a message on my Kemetic Orthodoxy board looking for help losing weight because Salem and I are considering having a baby - considering, y'all - and I don't want to be out of shape when the baby comes. So I mentioned that I can't go to a doctor as we currently don't have medical insurance, and got told not to have a child when I can't afford it.
I hope to be getting a better job before I get pregnant, however, if I don't... Well, here's the thing. I'm not destitute, I just don't have medical insurance. And I *can* purchase it through my place of business, I just don't know what I will need yet when it comes down to baby. But as far as waiting until I have enough money to be able to afford the baby... Well, if I waited for that, I'd never have a baby. Unless I suddenly won the lottery or got a six figure income for some reason, I would never have exactly how much money in the bank that I need to take care of a child. Kids are expensive, I know that. I also know, however, that I can get around that. While I'm not saying I'm immediately going on welfare or anything, there are government subsidized programs, such as WiC that can and will help out - that's what they are there for. Even more than that, I have family and friends who love me and are willing to help, plus I work my ass of now and I'll continue to do so after the baby is born. Everyone I know who has kids hasn't always been extremely financially well off, including my own parents, and I turned out just fine. It's not like we'll be homeless or starving, so I'm not too worried. Thank you for your care and consideration, but we'll be fine.
To which she replied:
It is my opinion that they would be best put to use for people in dire circumstances to utilize until they don't need them anymore. Not so people should plan to be dependant upon them.
I have no understanding as to why certain people feel there is such a need to have a child if you really feel that you can't afford to care for your child yourself. I'm not asking for an explanation. I just couldn't pass by that without saying something because it's not just about you. It's another person whose entire life and experience of the world will begin based on your decisions and whose health is in your hands. So, it bothered me a lot.
I see it doesn't bother you though, and I understand that. So best wishes to you.
Which I found completely, one hundred percent patronizing and cruel, wrapped in an attempt to be civil. It makes me sick, and it really offends me. Not only is someone attempting to tell me how to live my life and how to make my own choices, it throws dirt in the face of something I've very seriously been considering. Even more than that, it makes a mockery of my own life as a child. Obviously, I think I can afford it myself, and it's only when I can't that I look for help. Whenever we undertake something difficult, whenever we try to change the world in some way, life travels unexpectedly. That's the nature of the beast, so why try to fight it? I'm doing the best that I can, goddamnit, and I will consider to do so.
So, in my anger and frustrating, I wrote her a private message, but I didn't send it. I don't see the point of talking to someone who's a brick wall. But I don't want to lose these feelings or my point of view, because I'm positive she's not the only one who thinks that way, so I wrote it down and kept it here.
What you said in my thread really hurt me. I'm not asking for an apology, you're entitled to think what you want, I'm just asking that you understand - or try to - where I'm coming from.
I feel that I can afford to have a child, and if I can't, or something drastic happens to change my circumstances, that's when I go for government help. I'll worry about paying the bills when the time comes, not before. It offends me when people try to tell me what I should or shouldn't do with my own energy, time, and body. I'm working my ass off to make my life a good thing, a healthful thing, and a positive one. I'm taking steps to ensure that any child I might bring into this world is well loved, well cared for, and well supported. I'm fighting for it, and to have you say, essentially, that my fight isn't good or isn't right or shouldn't happen is like someone cutting me to the quick. It isn't your place to tell me that I shouldn't have a baby.
Besides, how many people do you know in this world who can (or even choose to, if they are able to) live without some sort of credit, medical insurance, or life insurance? These programs are assistance programs for people, and almost everyone chooses to use them. No one is rich enough to afford the hospital bills that get thrown at them when a baby is born - not unless they are Bill Gates, and most of us aren't. Also, you choose to ignore the fact that I have the care and assistance of my family and friends to help me get through everything, and you just focused on what I might do in an emergency situation. As I said, it's not like I'm going to immediately run and get on welfare, or get food stamps or whatever.
I'm working, and I'm working hard for this, as well as for everything else in the world I want. No man, no woman, has the right to tell me that I can't have it.
But you know what? Even if, in the long run, I do have to go on food stamps, or I do have to go on WiC, or I do have to have some other form of government assistance, that doesn't make me a bad person. And it doesn't mean that my child's life will be screwed up, and it doesn't mean that I'm taking advantage of the system - all things that you implied I was doing. My parents had six children, six, and for as hard as my parents worked to raise me, my father got fired from his job and we had to go on food stamps for a little while. But we made it through. And I'm perfectly well adjusted, as are all of my siblings. Tough times make you stronger, not weaker. We'll make it through.
If you want to read it, go ahead. If you want to respond, go ahead. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions, even me.
I hope to be getting a better job before I get pregnant, however, if I don't... Well, here's the thing. I'm not destitute, I just don't have medical insurance. And I *can* purchase it through my place of business, I just don't know what I will need yet when it comes down to baby. But as far as waiting until I have enough money to be able to afford the baby... Well, if I waited for that, I'd never have a baby. Unless I suddenly won the lottery or got a six figure income for some reason, I would never have exactly how much money in the bank that I need to take care of a child. Kids are expensive, I know that. I also know, however, that I can get around that. While I'm not saying I'm immediately going on welfare or anything, there are government subsidized programs, such as WiC that can and will help out - that's what they are there for. Even more than that, I have family and friends who love me and are willing to help, plus I work my ass of now and I'll continue to do so after the baby is born. Everyone I know who has kids hasn't always been extremely financially well off, including my own parents, and I turned out just fine. It's not like we'll be homeless or starving, so I'm not too worried. Thank you for your care and consideration, but we'll be fine.
To which she replied:
It is my opinion that they would be best put to use for people in dire circumstances to utilize until they don't need them anymore. Not so people should plan to be dependant upon them.
I have no understanding as to why certain people feel there is such a need to have a child if you really feel that you can't afford to care for your child yourself. I'm not asking for an explanation. I just couldn't pass by that without saying something because it's not just about you. It's another person whose entire life and experience of the world will begin based on your decisions and whose health is in your hands. So, it bothered me a lot.
I see it doesn't bother you though, and I understand that. So best wishes to you.
Which I found completely, one hundred percent patronizing and cruel, wrapped in an attempt to be civil. It makes me sick, and it really offends me. Not only is someone attempting to tell me how to live my life and how to make my own choices, it throws dirt in the face of something I've very seriously been considering. Even more than that, it makes a mockery of my own life as a child. Obviously, I think I can afford it myself, and it's only when I can't that I look for help. Whenever we undertake something difficult, whenever we try to change the world in some way, life travels unexpectedly. That's the nature of the beast, so why try to fight it? I'm doing the best that I can, goddamnit, and I will consider to do so.
So, in my anger and frustrating, I wrote her a private message, but I didn't send it. I don't see the point of talking to someone who's a brick wall. But I don't want to lose these feelings or my point of view, because I'm positive she's not the only one who thinks that way, so I wrote it down and kept it here.
What you said in my thread really hurt me. I'm not asking for an apology, you're entitled to think what you want, I'm just asking that you understand - or try to - where I'm coming from.
I feel that I can afford to have a child, and if I can't, or something drastic happens to change my circumstances, that's when I go for government help. I'll worry about paying the bills when the time comes, not before. It offends me when people try to tell me what I should or shouldn't do with my own energy, time, and body. I'm working my ass off to make my life a good thing, a healthful thing, and a positive one. I'm taking steps to ensure that any child I might bring into this world is well loved, well cared for, and well supported. I'm fighting for it, and to have you say, essentially, that my fight isn't good or isn't right or shouldn't happen is like someone cutting me to the quick. It isn't your place to tell me that I shouldn't have a baby.
Besides, how many people do you know in this world who can (or even choose to, if they are able to) live without some sort of credit, medical insurance, or life insurance? These programs are assistance programs for people, and almost everyone chooses to use them. No one is rich enough to afford the hospital bills that get thrown at them when a baby is born - not unless they are Bill Gates, and most of us aren't. Also, you choose to ignore the fact that I have the care and assistance of my family and friends to help me get through everything, and you just focused on what I might do in an emergency situation. As I said, it's not like I'm going to immediately run and get on welfare, or get food stamps or whatever.
I'm working, and I'm working hard for this, as well as for everything else in the world I want. No man, no woman, has the right to tell me that I can't have it.
But you know what? Even if, in the long run, I do have to go on food stamps, or I do have to go on WiC, or I do have to have some other form of government assistance, that doesn't make me a bad person. And it doesn't mean that my child's life will be screwed up, and it doesn't mean that I'm taking advantage of the system - all things that you implied I was doing. My parents had six children, six, and for as hard as my parents worked to raise me, my father got fired from his job and we had to go on food stamps for a little while. But we made it through. And I'm perfectly well adjusted, as are all of my siblings. Tough times make you stronger, not weaker. We'll make it through.
If you want to read it, go ahead. If you want to respond, go ahead. Everyone's entitled to their own opinions, even me.