Top Five Ways Nintendo Ruined Mario
http://www.gamedaily.com/articles/galleries/top-five-ways-nintendo-ruined-mario/
#5 Nintendo's overused "all-in-one" game token
We hope you love basketball, because so does Mario. In fact, he also enjoys baseball, tennis, kart racing, Mario Parties and golf, and we're 99 percent sure that Nintendo will add hockey and football to his bloated all-star sports resume someday. Look, we know he's the company's most recognizable mascot (Pikachu probably has something to say about that), but we could use a break from seeing his mustachioed, goofball mug on the cover of video games.
#4 He can't hang onto his woman
No matter how many times Mario rescues Princess Peach, he can't prevent Bowser from doing it again. For years, we thought she was the stupid one for not hiring more security, but now we feel she has a thing for Bowser and lets herself get caught. Either that, or she gets off on having her bumbling knight in shining armor come to her rescue. Regardless, Nintendo transformed Mario into a whipped chump.
#3 He dresses up as a bee
Mario as a raccoon? Love it. Mario as a frog? Super cute. Mario as a fat yellow honeybee showing off his ass? Creepy. Sorry, but Bee Mario is the type of character only a three-year-old can love, but only because their brain hasn't developed enough to know his costume sucks.
#2 Mario Shafts Luigi
Aside from a starring role in Luigi's Mansion, Luigi always takes a backseat to his brother, who hogs the spotlight like a Mountain Dew-ed teenager with a new video camera. For once, we'd like to see Mario break his leg right before fighting Bowser, and suddenly Luigi appears, carries his bro to safety and saves the Mushroom Kingdom. Instead of giving the green guy his due, Nintendo takes risks with games like Professor Layton and the Curious Village, which no sexually active American has ever heard of.
#1 They gave him a voice
At first, we delighted in Mario's stereotypical Italian accent and his "AHA"s and "WOOHOO"s. But since Super Mario 64, Charles Martinet's voice has progressively grown more annoying and getting higher in pitch. Just listening to him exclaim "Super Mariooooooo Galaxyyyyyyy" at the Wii Menu (before clicking the game icon) gives us chills, not to mention it makes us feel slightly embarrassed for even playing the video game. It was much better when Mario's voice was left to the imagination, much like all video game characters. We're not saying cut his vocal chords. Just take it down several notches.
Yeah, the guy that wrote this got soooooo much shit (as one would expect), but I think it's hifuckin'larious. People that play video games should just chill out and learn to see flaws in the things they love. John Lennon was a huge douchebag, the Harry Potter movies were flat-out awful, and CS Lewis was a Christian, but I'm not going to go around denying these things just because someone pointed them out. Seriously. Amirite or amirite?
#5 Nintendo's overused "all-in-one" game token
We hope you love basketball, because so does Mario. In fact, he also enjoys baseball, tennis, kart racing, Mario Parties and golf, and we're 99 percent sure that Nintendo will add hockey and football to his bloated all-star sports resume someday. Look, we know he's the company's most recognizable mascot (Pikachu probably has something to say about that), but we could use a break from seeing his mustachioed, goofball mug on the cover of video games.
#4 He can't hang onto his woman
No matter how many times Mario rescues Princess Peach, he can't prevent Bowser from doing it again. For years, we thought she was the stupid one for not hiring more security, but now we feel she has a thing for Bowser and lets herself get caught. Either that, or she gets off on having her bumbling knight in shining armor come to her rescue. Regardless, Nintendo transformed Mario into a whipped chump.
#3 He dresses up as a bee
Mario as a raccoon? Love it. Mario as a frog? Super cute. Mario as a fat yellow honeybee showing off his ass? Creepy. Sorry, but Bee Mario is the type of character only a three-year-old can love, but only because their brain hasn't developed enough to know his costume sucks.
#2 Mario Shafts Luigi
Aside from a starring role in Luigi's Mansion, Luigi always takes a backseat to his brother, who hogs the spotlight like a Mountain Dew-ed teenager with a new video camera. For once, we'd like to see Mario break his leg right before fighting Bowser, and suddenly Luigi appears, carries his bro to safety and saves the Mushroom Kingdom. Instead of giving the green guy his due, Nintendo takes risks with games like Professor Layton and the Curious Village, which no sexually active American has ever heard of.
#1 They gave him a voice
At first, we delighted in Mario's stereotypical Italian accent and his "AHA"s and "WOOHOO"s. But since Super Mario 64, Charles Martinet's voice has progressively grown more annoying and getting higher in pitch. Just listening to him exclaim "Super Mariooooooo Galaxyyyyyyy" at the Wii Menu (before clicking the game icon) gives us chills, not to mention it makes us feel slightly embarrassed for even playing the video game. It was much better when Mario's voice was left to the imagination, much like all video game characters. We're not saying cut his vocal chords. Just take it down several notches.
Yeah, the guy that wrote this got soooooo much shit (as one would expect), but I think it's hifuckin'larious. People that play video games should just chill out and learn to see flaws in the things they love. John Lennon was a huge douchebag, the Harry Potter movies were flat-out awful, and CS Lewis was a Christian, but I'm not going to go around denying these things just because someone pointed them out. Seriously. Amirite or amirite?