"So what so I've got a smile on, well it's hiding the quiet superstitions in my head.."

[blackvanillasky]

I don't want to sound cliche. I will not begin this entry by saying, "No one understands me" "No one gets me" "No one ever will get me" etc. However, I've come to realize something. Do we ever really know anyone? Truly think about this. How many times do you hear maybe someone say something, not even about yourself but you just think.."Wow, they'll never get it. They don't know me. They just don't." Or how about, you hear a person whoever that person may be, and they seem to go on and on about something that seems so trivial to you, so..superficial, and yet.. you don't know that person. I'm scared because I feel like, so many people know me as this happy go lucky, loud kid who makes people laugh. Do you know what I'm thinking when I say half of what I do? I'm kicking myself, and questioning myself why I even said it. I come home everyday, and just think. My mind is constantly at work, and it usually picks the worst times to be. I've allowed myself more time these past few days to just think like I normally do. I'm generally happy, very happy. But I've been more quiet, a little less "myself" in the eyes of the public. And by public I do mean the small little world you enter, school. Do you see how this has come full circle? People, and I'm glad to know they care, have asked "Is there something wrong?" "You seem upset" "You're not your usual self." I think people generally, and not purposely, have their own set up, you know? Life truly is defined by how you look at things. If someone has me subconsciously scribbled down as "loud and funny" then if I'm not fulfilling my role, you know.. a little pop up comes up and tells them somethings wrong.

Now, I am no way questioning how deep a person looks into things, how much they think, how smart they are..I really think most people are generally good people. But some people just are not going to get it. That's not easy to accept. Some people are not going to see everything the way I do, and I won't get how others see and feel the way they do. We're individuals. Not everyone gets along, maybe because of a clash of interests or just a different lifestyle, what have you.

I hope this makes some sense. Thanks for reading. The you is understood.