(no subject)
So I hope everyones thanksgiving went well. Mine was one of the best this year. I met my family on my dads side for the first time not to long ago, So on thanksgiving they came over. Well just my aunt, uncle, and my two cousins. My cousins spent the night thursday night and friday night. Its so nice being with my real family. My whole life i've been with my step family or just my grandma. My step family never really treated my mom or I very nicely so i couldnt really bond with them. BUT with my real family I dont feel wierd, and i feel accepted. Its so nice. My first thanksgiving with my real family. <3 Right now I'm so happy with my life, and how well its going. It takes a big relief off my shoulders now that I know my family, and that my father is dead. (not that im happy about my father dieing, and not getting a chance to meet him) My grandma (smith, whom i just met) told me alot about my dad. She told me he was bipolar, and very suicidal. She informed me he was so suicidal because he could not take the heroin cravings anymore, and that rehab or prision would not help him. I guess during his time in prision he was still using drugs due to the fucking prison gaurds. So I can thank the government for my dad not being clean when he was supposed to be. When he got out of prision he tried committing suicide.. I'm not sure how though. I guess it was pretty bad because my grandma didnt tell me. My dad said he didnt want to die in jail- so thats why he waited intill he was out. The second time he tried committing suicide he took his whole bottle of lithium. That stuff fucks you up really bad. The ems or whatever found my dad going through siezers in a garage. My dad was unconcious for a week, had internal bleeding and to top it off he had a temperature of 107. Your body shuts down at a temperature of 105... and internal bleeding just doesnt stop. When he woke up he was perfectly fine, just a little weak. Its like god was showing him that he is strong and can stop using drugs, but i guess he didnt bieleve in himself enough. On august 4th, 2005 he did what he wanted to do. He drove to a park near his house (belle isle park, which is in detroit) did a bunch of coke,and drank a bunch of alcohol- and died. My dad never drank because he said his father was an alcoholic so he didnt want to become like that- and didnt like coke very much.. so he said he drug of choice was heroin. So I dont understand why he would've wanted to die off of alcohol, and cocaine. The wierd thing was the next day i was watching the movie in my practical law class about a case involving a cocaine overdose.
"the symptoms of a cocaine overdose are intense and generally short in nature. Although fairly uncommon, people do die from cocaine overdose.An overdose from cocaine can cause a serious increase in blood pressure, which as a result, bleeding in the brain occurs leading to a higher possibility of a stroke. A cocaine overdose can cause heart and respirator problems resulting in death. The cocaine family of drugs are some of the most dangerously addictive drugs in the world Symptoms of cocaine overdose may include some or all of the following:
Dangerous or fatal rise in body temperature
Seizures******************
Heart attack *************
Brain hemorrhage**********
Kidney failure Stroke********************
Repeated convulsions******
Tremors**********
Delirium Death http://www.drug-overdose.com/cocaine.htm"
From what i was reading you go through terrible convulsions and siezers before you die. My dad must've known that considering he was a drug addict who lived in detroit. I think by purposly overdosing on cocaine.. and alcohol it was his way of punishing himself. When i first found out about my dads death i was like good.. he deserved it. I thought that because i thought he didnt love my mom or me, and just forgot about me- AND choose drugs over his own flesh and blood. My cousin kevin told me he talked about me all the time, and that he tryed looking for me many many times, but because of the restraining order my mom put against him it made it almost impossible for him to find my mom or me. Kevin also told me alot of good things about me dad. That may sound wierd cause of all the drugs- and being in and out of jail kinda of let no room for good things but there was alot. I wish I could of met my dad so I could really see those good things, and judge him myself. Its hard to pinpoint how I feel about him because of all the bad things that i've heard not only from my mom but from his family too. Its just hard. Im dealing with everything fine, and im not really upset or anything. I kind of have no emotion right now cause im in so much shock. I'm just very thankful for my matthew, and of course my friends who have been there for me through all of this- an exeption of one who told me he was going to kill me and didnt care that I was going through a hard time because my dad died. So enough of that sad stuff. This week i worked sunday-9-4:30 monday-3-10:30 tuesday-3-10:30 friday-9:30-430 saturday-9:30-4:30 sunday-11:30-3 <- i was supposed to work intill 6:30 but my boss made n excepton for the audition show<33 Thats 42 hours.. so 42*6.50=273.. so through out all taxes should be around 2 hundosss.
<3 Speaking of jobs my matthew just got one at gravity, its a resturant in milford. I'm very proud of him<3 Matthew, and I are doing very very very good-amazing in fact. I couldnt ask for a better boyfriend, expecially through all the shit i've been going through latly. Thats enough for now.
"the symptoms of a cocaine overdose are intense and generally short in nature. Although fairly uncommon, people do die from cocaine overdose.An overdose from cocaine can cause a serious increase in blood pressure, which as a result, bleeding in the brain occurs leading to a higher possibility of a stroke. A cocaine overdose can cause heart and respirator problems resulting in death. The cocaine family of drugs are some of the most dangerously addictive drugs in the world Symptoms of cocaine overdose may include some or all of the following:
Dangerous or fatal rise in body temperature
Seizures******************
Heart attack *************
Brain hemorrhage**********
Kidney failure Stroke********************
Repeated convulsions******
Tremors**********
Delirium Death http://www.drug-overdose.com/cocaine.htm"
From what i was reading you go through terrible convulsions and siezers before you die. My dad must've known that considering he was a drug addict who lived in detroit. I think by purposly overdosing on cocaine.. and alcohol it was his way of punishing himself. When i first found out about my dads death i was like good.. he deserved it. I thought that because i thought he didnt love my mom or me, and just forgot about me- AND choose drugs over his own flesh and blood. My cousin kevin told me he talked about me all the time, and that he tryed looking for me many many times, but because of the restraining order my mom put against him it made it almost impossible for him to find my mom or me. Kevin also told me alot of good things about me dad. That may sound wierd cause of all the drugs- and being in and out of jail kinda of let no room for good things but there was alot. I wish I could of met my dad so I could really see those good things, and judge him myself. Its hard to pinpoint how I feel about him because of all the bad things that i've heard not only from my mom but from his family too. Its just hard. Im dealing with everything fine, and im not really upset or anything. I kind of have no emotion right now cause im in so much shock. I'm just very thankful for my matthew, and of course my friends who have been there for me through all of this- an exeption of one who told me he was going to kill me and didnt care that I was going through a hard time because my dad died. So enough of that sad stuff. This week i worked sunday-9-4:30 monday-3-10:30 tuesday-3-10:30 friday-9:30-430 saturday-9:30-4:30 sunday-11:30-3 <- i was supposed to work intill 6:30 but my boss made n excepton for the audition show<33 Thats 42 hours.. so 42*6.50=273.. so through out all taxes should be around 2 hundosss.
<3 Speaking of jobs my matthew just got one at gravity, its a resturant in milford. I'm very proud of him<3 Matthew, and I are doing very very very good-amazing in fact. I couldnt ask for a better boyfriend, expecially through all the shit i've been going through latly. Thats enough for now.