let me cut just one more time
im talking to dana right now, i havn't talked to her all weekend and she has no idea what has been going on. with friday night and kyle and everything. she was the very first person i told that i liked him and she has been soo suportive throughout everything. so i told her what has been going on and of course she talked me through it all. no wonder why shes my best friend. we have been through the same shit so many times its like were connected somehow someway. i talked to travis today too. and i feel like a complete and total bitch and of course my friends basically fucked things up between us. i mean if they would have kept there damn mouths shut maybe we would still be together. but you want to know the funny part... after all of this i don't want to go back out with him, all thats in my head is kyle. which is scary in its own little thing. i cut while i was talking to him and thats scary too. what the hell why can't i stop its like i have this urge that just won't go away no matter how hard i try to get it to. i just don't want to take it to the point where i could die... because i don't want to, i just can't stop this and i have no other way of dealing with it. last year i didn't do it because i hade chris and well he stoped me everytime and told me how much he loved me and that we would be together forever and what have you, but as soon as we broke up i started again. stupid ass hole sometimes i can't belive i was with him for that long. but he wasn't really that bad, he was a good boyfriend for the first 7 months. the last months were the worst the beating and cheating and fighting about the stupidest shit ever. n its weird i cryed over travis more then i did chris and i was with him longer.... strange. my baby doll imed me telling me she wanted to cut again. NO don't tell me that or im going to go it... im tired hopefully i wil just go to sleep and totaly forget about it. but really i told her if i go with her if she will go get helped.. and she said no. we both need help. her more then me she just started this.. me ive been doing for a long time and im taking my depression medacine but thats not helping me either. so i skip doces sometimes.(i was on it on friday thats not why i freaked out.) but she used her nail..which is stupid if you think about it but at least shes not used knifes like me. aahh why did this all have to start? why couldn't i just keep my cuts to myself and not get her involed? im just sooooo fucking glad i have kyle.. i would die if i lost him