every day I wake up hoping it is all just a dream.
Two days ago, I had a dream about my dad. Everyone was in my dream but I could only see him and talk to him. He was sitting in front of our house. I came out of the house to do something and I saw him. I told everyone that my dad is alive and he is just sitting there but nobody believed me. But at that time, my dad saw me and he smiled at me.... I asked him whether he is real but he didn't say anything back so I went up to him and touched his face... I was crying at that time because he was there and... real. And I asked him why'd go. He said something about being so tired of everything and everyone. Then the next minute, he was gone and the scene in front of me changed. I was still in front of my house but I was alone and it was raining heavily, and by that time I was really sobbing to the point where my whole chest had started to hurt so I woke up.
It's been 45 days... I thought I'd be starting to move on and recover from this by this time but I am not... everything just hurts right now.... I was starting to recover before that dream. Or was I being in denial that whole time? I don't know... I just want to skip this whole period where everything hurts and the void in my heart is apparent whenever I see my dad's photo. I just.. want the pain gone. It hurts so much right now. I can't handle it. I know I'll just have to try by myself to get through this but right now.... I want somebody to hold my hands and tell me this is not forever... that the pain will be gone. I'll be fine eventually. I just want that...
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.