Bit of unanswered questions, and a emo end poem....
The question of my life right now is, does everything happen for a reason?
Seriously, was it the intention of the stars or forces unknown to help me along my path to this place? Two people believe in the forces that guided me here, and I feel like I can believe them because of their devotion to the thought. I've contemplated many ways of escaping this place, but each time I get to the council of thoes who I believe believe in me the most, and each time I wipe thoes thoughts away.I'd kill to have been there in that room, I don't think I was even present as my name was walking the dotted line, I don't know where I was...but I know it was not there. Maybe that is it, maybe that was the section of time in which the force guided me the way it did. The reason.
I can't help but feel like 'She' wants me to be here, and in turn I feel like I am finally accepting the fact that she is gone, but I don't think I wil ever be able to fully let her go, not with a snuff of a candle or hours of waunderlust. Why can't thoes who are praised for being devine just show up in a time like this, or maybe I've got it all wrong. IN each and every person rests a soul, I believe this, maybe that's why when so many people get together the world changes, each part of the soul connects. I have a part of me that is lost, the sad part is that I will never know her, never know who she really was, what she thought of me, how I could make her happy, and if what I am doing now was doing that. All I know is that she is a she, and she is watching me. Are you proud? Can you speak? Would you ever speak to me again? I will tell you these things every night, try to make amends with you, but I don't think you will ever be able to make the amends with me. I am sorry I could not protect you, and she tells me you forgive me, but maybe I should forgive me too. I want to make you proud... I just wish you could tell me how. Though I was bonr in October, I will never remember it as my birthday, or my great grand father's month of passing. I will now, always acredit it to the month where you were the most wonderful thing that exsisted in this month, and though you're gone now, you will always be more beautiful than words. I will never speak your name, because to me no word could ever be your name. I will try to talk to you again and again, but in hopes that you're like me, I will try to do it the way I think you would want me to. If I have to finish these three years to share something with you again back in my true home, I will, for you. I think you're the reason, but I will always wonder what you think.
I need a break down
I feel it in me right nowbending and bending to form the arch a stick makes right before the tell tale snap.
Why did I leave...
I had everything, all of you, a good home, and a lifetime of great things in one simple year, and I left...
how could I have strayed so far from myself...
so far from everyone
I think that I've grown up a lot
and that I've realized what I've took for granted
but in the tall and short of it, I would have traded both of thoes things in to have stayed. I really don't know what I did that day I did not stop myself from walking on that plane.
*hug*
I just keep regreting this