(no subject)
Devin knew there were plenty of times in his life where he should be quiet. He’d learned this at a young age, very soundly, from his mother who hadn’t hesitated to enforce her quiet time rules with swift backhands to the face, or cutting words. Devin knew that he should be quiet, but it was so hard for him to do. Especially when being faced with the biggest bully in school, who was picking on his older brother like he always did.
Andy had never really spoken. Or, that wasn’t true. Andy spoke to Devin, but he never really spoke to anyone else, and this was something that countless people in their lives had attacked over the years. So here they were, with Devin in grade 9 and Andy in grade 10, and Devin had run afoul of Ronnie because Ronnie had been pushing Andy around trying to get him to talk. Devin had shoved him, had yelled at him to leave Andy alone impulsively, and now here he was, surrounded by a crowd of people with Ronnie Radke across from him, looking like a caged animal. Devin had never been in a fight a day in his life, but his mouth was running away with him, taunting Ronnie, laying into him about him being a coward and how he only ever went after the kids who couldn’t stand up for themselves. Was it that Ronnie hated himself? Did Ronnie not get enough love from his mother? Or was it that Ronnie knew that he was weaker even than the people who he tormented? He would have continued on, but at the last minute, just before he was sure Ronnie’s fist was about to smash into his face, Zach stepped in and pulled him out of the way. He pulled Devin out of the way, and looked at Ronnie with a level gaze, and told him that if he ever laid a hand on Devin or Andy again he’d ‘fucking gut him.’
There were a few more incidents like that over the course of high school, a few times where Devin had to talk his way into fights and back out, or had to talk Zach’s way out of fights. There was a time at a party, where Devin had had too much to drink, and he’d sat up until the wee hours of the morning, telling Jimmy every detail that he loved about Zach. He knew he should have stopped before he started, he knew he shouldn’t have spilled his guts the way he did. It was just that Jimmy was his best friend, and if anyone was going to understand how it felt to be so lovesick, then it was going to be Jimmy right? The thing about that was that Jimmy had listened, dead silent, for an hour while Devin had gone on about how he really just wanted to be with Zach but Zach would never notice him, and at the end of it, Jimmy had looked at him and told him that he didn’t think he could take this. Devin hadn’t known what that had meant, but he’d sure as hell learned over the next few months where Jimmy just disappeared from his life. He was always busy, he’d never answer Devin’s calls. He never knew why, couldn’t understand what it meant, until Brent had told him one day that the reason Jimmy understood being lovesick was because he was in love with Devin. It had taken them a while to get over that, for Jimmy to realize he was better off as Devin’s best friend, and Devin was better off holding Zach’s life together.
This time though, this time where Devin knew he really should just stop talking… Well, it had come in the middle of the winter, where Zach had turned up at his house with some trashy whore of a girl, who he was all over the whole night. He’d made Devin sit there with them, and Devin had had to watch Zach mistreat girls for years. It wasn’t that he wasn’t a good boyfriend, he was attentive, and he cared… It was just that he didn’t really respect the girls he dated. He put them up on pedestals and when they didn’t meet his standards, he’d start to neglect them. He’d send them home by themselves at the end of parties, and stay with Devin. He’d start not answering their calls, until finally they broke up. Tonight, when Zach had sent the girl home, Devin had… Devin had lost it. He hadn’t been able to hold back, and he’d just started talking about how Zach was a mess. Zach was a fucking mess, and a fucking wreck, and Zach did nothing but take advantage of every situation he was in. He wasted his time drunk all the time, and he never even fucking noticed Devin, and it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair at all. Devin raved about how all these girls came and went and they were all these really cheap, pale imitations of him, but with fucking pussies, and he’d just kept talking and getting angrier and more frustrated until the point that he was in tears and he couldn’t even speak anymore. Devin hadn’t thought he’d ever find the moment where he couldn’t find his voice, but here it was, and he was just shaking with his angry tears.
Zach, for all that he was shocked, had looked at Devin for a long moment once Devin had dissolved into his gasping mess, and had crawled his way carefully to the younger boy. By that point they’d both been on the floor, separated by a rooms worth of space because Devin had been pacing, and Zach had been sitting up against the wall, as shied away from Devin as he could get. So he crawled his way over to Devin, and gently pushed at him until he was laid back. He took his hands, and he pressed them slowly up until they were over his head, so Devin’s breathing would level more easily, and he pressed himself into Devin’s space. As Devin calmed, Zach spoke, soft and simple. “All I ever needed was to hear it from you, Dev. I’ve waited almost a decade to hear you say you need me.” And, before Devin could find his words and start ranting again, he leaned in and pressed their lips together. Zach knew that sometimes, you just had to shut Devin up any way you could.