un perdedor, ima loser baby....
otay...me at lunch. another day when i have no money and therefore an empty stomach til i get home. Which will be around 4 or 5 because im staying after school for Newspaper meeting. I think i might go for photographer yet i really want to challenge my writing skills.
this week just sucks. i woke up late because my alarm clock didnt go off because i forgot to reset it after the power went out yesterday. i am so **cked up as my dad said this morning. he hit me actually for the first time in a long time. He was sober n it was a shitty hit but yeah. Mom also took the cell away so i had to talk to jon on the house phone last night. I hate how somehow whenever my sisters are both in town, life in the house gets harder and i always get blamed for everything. my dad blamed my grades for us not having enough money for another car and me not gettin a license. WTF MATE?!
im trying to straighten up i mean i barely have 10 grades for each class and it wont be hard to bring up my F in english just because i didnt get or turn in my summer reading sheets in time. My dad kept saying "book report" and technically i kept sayin no cause it wasnot at all a "report". But yah...im wearing the same uniform pants from the past 2 days. Laundry is murder at home. I am so confused on what i can do to make my parents get off my back. And i still feel like a loser at school. I hate my art class now. Sister is cool and all but she is too simple and plus its something odd and non exciting everyday. I think things will get better when we start the stagecraft for the play. I hope i dont choke friday at drama auditions. I want this part sooooo bad!
im starting to lose faith in myself
and it sucks
im still far away from God
and i still feel like such a loner......
this week sucks
but jon cheered me up last night when he said he went to walmart n got me my own pair of boxers and a present that involves "eric cartman" geee such a hard clue! haha but yeah i love my man. i just wish i could stop having all these thoughts of people at school not noticing if i was gone or not. this is soo freakin emo and i hate it. im such an actress, i keep smiling and i cant stop it when i know im faking it.
senior year has to be great, "you have to be your best and be a leader for everyone, show everyone that you rock.." thats all ive been tellin myself this summer. the pressure is gettin to me and i hate it. i seriously so want to smoke again and maybe i can get use to the not eating so much thing. but yeah anorexia wouldn't be good and jon would hate me for smoking cause it is bad for me.
im so lost and my friends who i miss who i look up to dont really seem to care about me that much anymore
this is so gay i know
but yeah its how im feeling
and ima just let it go.
i kinda do feel God has left me....
but i kno thats not true
but it feels like it.
comments or advice would be nice <3
this week just sucks. i woke up late because my alarm clock didnt go off because i forgot to reset it after the power went out yesterday. i am so **cked up as my dad said this morning. he hit me actually for the first time in a long time. He was sober n it was a shitty hit but yeah. Mom also took the cell away so i had to talk to jon on the house phone last night. I hate how somehow whenever my sisters are both in town, life in the house gets harder and i always get blamed for everything. my dad blamed my grades for us not having enough money for another car and me not gettin a license. WTF MATE?!
im trying to straighten up i mean i barely have 10 grades for each class and it wont be hard to bring up my F in english just because i didnt get or turn in my summer reading sheets in time. My dad kept saying "book report" and technically i kept sayin no cause it wasnot at all a "report". But yah...im wearing the same uniform pants from the past 2 days. Laundry is murder at home. I am so confused on what i can do to make my parents get off my back. And i still feel like a loser at school. I hate my art class now. Sister is cool and all but she is too simple and plus its something odd and non exciting everyday. I think things will get better when we start the stagecraft for the play. I hope i dont choke friday at drama auditions. I want this part sooooo bad!
im starting to lose faith in myself
and it sucks
im still far away from God
and i still feel like such a loner......
this week sucks
but jon cheered me up last night when he said he went to walmart n got me my own pair of boxers and a present that involves "eric cartman" geee such a hard clue! haha but yeah i love my man. i just wish i could stop having all these thoughts of people at school not noticing if i was gone or not. this is soo freakin emo and i hate it. im such an actress, i keep smiling and i cant stop it when i know im faking it.
senior year has to be great, "you have to be your best and be a leader for everyone, show everyone that you rock.." thats all ive been tellin myself this summer. the pressure is gettin to me and i hate it. i seriously so want to smoke again and maybe i can get use to the not eating so much thing. but yeah anorexia wouldn't be good and jon would hate me for smoking cause it is bad for me.
im so lost and my friends who i miss who i look up to dont really seem to care about me that much anymore
this is so gay i know
but yeah its how im feeling
and ima just let it go.
i kinda do feel God has left me....
but i kno thats not true
but it feels like it.
comments or advice would be nice <3