(no subject)
So, today is July 4th...a day to celebrate our "independence" as a nation while we fight overseas for the oil that we so desperately need from another country in order to function. (yeah yeah...the war isn't about oil...sure!) I have never really enjoyed this holiday all that much. It's always seemed forced, fake, and just an excuse to let the kids run rampant around the neighborhood while the parents get drunk. hmmm...bitter party of one? Anyway, I just don't think that anyone really is celebrating what they are supposed to anymore...nor do I think that they really want to. Sure, our country may be a great country, but there is a lot in our past and present history (yeah, that phrase doesn't make sense. It sounds good anyway.) that we don't need to celebrate.
All in all, I think that I'm just bitter lately so don't listen to what I am saying. I am realizing that my life is nowhere near where I would like it to be. I have realized that the faith that I put into three people to be there throughout my life has been demolished as only one is still faithfully standing by. I've realized that in order to do what I think I want to with my life (which, by the way, I think is just a cover. I think I am too scared to do what I actually want to do...what I need to do in order to be satisfied.) then I will have to buckle down (cliche anyone?) and do it. It will take a lot of time and effort, but I think that it might be worth it in the end. I've realized that I am unhappy with where I live and who I live around. Southern California is not the best place with the best people. People are shallow and bigoted, petty and sheltered. I need somewhere cultured and alive, vibrant and open. (Yeah...good luck finding that one!) I don't know...maybe I'll end up moving to a different country. Whatever I do, it has got to be better than this.
Work is like slow torture. Boring and tedious are its main attributes. However, I have gotten word that others believe that I am over-qualified for the job that I presently occupy (yay!) which means that I will be cross-training into a much more challanging, lucrative aspect of the business. Right now, I do accounting. (bleh...so easy I could do it in my sleep) Soon I will be be cross-training into Human Resources Consulting and possibly taking over one of the vacant positions from there. They have faith in me and so do I, but what happens when I inevidably get bored again. I have not held a job that has actually held my attention for more than a few months. Yes, I have stayed at companies for longer periods, but that is because I have always tweaked my job, added on new responsibilites, trained in new areas. I cannot just sit idlly by...it is not in my nature. What happens when I am bored again?