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[blackrozes]

I never ever have time to update this thing...right now I don't really have time either, but for once I really want to just sit down and do something mindless and stupid, like write in a live journal that seriously no one reads...not even me. I just wrote another song...yes alot of them are in major, a lot are in minor..they're basic...but the emotions I'm trying to get across aren't all that complicated to me, so they don't come out real complicated. I think it's better to go simple and strong rather than complicated and weak. But,if you're a genius and can go complicated and strong, more power to you. Sometimes I start to wonder if what I'm doing is "the right thing"...I feel too young to be worrying about bills and health and my job and...the future. I suppose everyone would like less responsibility, but sometimes I'd rather just sleep than do anything... If I could just not be conscious of the passing of time life would be wonderful. Time, well they say it's something abstract and not tangible, but you really can feel it moving. Not in the sense of "tick tock" or anything, more in the sense of you know that you have a jam packed day every day of your life...that nowhere is there room for you to do what you need to do for yourself. I can't even take a day to make a doctor's appointment, and I really need one soon...it's great being busy, but not so committed to so many things that you can't even go see a doctor. I'm getting really sick of pain...it hurts SO MUCH sometimes, and there's rarely a moment of relief. It's not the "take an advil and it goes away" pain, it's awful...sometimes I think it's just muscle cramping from work but I've had it for years...maybe I just get muscle pains really easily. I donno...enough complaining. Life is always great...I've still got my awesome dog, my pride and joy! I still have great friends and a kick butt class ring and the best mom ever and even Jim is getting a LOT nicer. He hasn't been mean in forever, I think he finally got it. I do miss my sister and brother though...a LOT. I can't stand the fact that they're so far away, I'm only 1/3 in existence:(. Plus, Reignor's over there, and I miss him a lot...oh well. I'll see them all in good time, and until then, I have a kickass jam packed schedule. Love to friends smirk to poptarts :)
xoxo
love always
canoli