to all my friends who have ever cried....
okay im saying goodbye
im saying goodbye to my past
im saying goodbye to everyone
im saying goodbye to the horrible mrror image that stares me down each day
im saying goodbye to friends i once thought i had
im saying goodbye to my life
a while ago my life began to crumble
one of my only friends in this town taylor moved to arizona with her father it was very sad
i used to go down to her house almost every day and now seeing as she isnt here anymore my life is boring and i spend my time sleeping (my only left escape from it al) or i let the music pound in my ears
ears which i wish i had never heard the news i have heard over my short life
then my BEST friend ever moved to the cape without saying goodbye
it was only a couple months later that my friend aliez broke my heart with the news
i didnt even see her
i havent seen hor heard from her in over 6 months
half a year without the person you held dearest to you
i called her house as my friend had told me she was moving in advance as i asked for eliza her mother made a sigh and hung up the phone
i have erased her number from my head knowing i will never dial it and hear her voice
my parents started treating me horribly and i would let their voices alow me to slip into nightmares and tears
they told me i was worthless a discrace to the family
(filled with rich uncles and aunts who never cared they would get drunk on christmas thinking sice i was little the words i would soon forget)
i have always loved being close to people
but latley i havent been
i used to and admitting this is hard, do stuff with people i didnt even like just as a way to get free to forget my pain
i treated myself like crap and used myself as a rag doll to clean up my messes
then i made a promise to myself ,i would never touch go near or flirt with someone who wasnt someone i liked
and if i keep that true it looks like i will never kiss anyone again or feel the warm embrace of the person i love
ill be happy to lock myself in my room and sleep to forget
and maybe get up my courage to die
i mean maybe if i got up and did something...but there is nothing to do...thats the problem
i have been so tired and reatless latley
its like im being pulled down by and imaginary hand
i lost many friends in the last few years due to the way i dressed
and my attitude
and also due to cutiing my wrist like a coward who couldnt make it through
others left due to familys wanting to move on
or the addiction to drugs,alchohol,and even ther lousy boyfriends and girlfriends
ruined everything
but i guess im must just move on
i know one or two people will never cease to exist in my dreams and in my heart
i will remain with the friends i think to be true
and the loves or love of my life
which when i think i probably never even knew him
and my friends have told me asking what people would do if i died is a useless question
it is seeing as i can
make my own assupmtions knowing that many would cry and many would not
but as we progress and grow up all of this will be forgotten
all of this will be a small crack in our past
and im sorry you ever had to meet me
and im sorry you had to hear my voice talking of things you didnt care about
im sorry you ever had to read what you could hear in your head my selfish self typing on the computer as if anyone would care or come to save me
this is possibly the most serious post i have ever made and i just ask one thing-please take this entry into consideration and by all means do not take it lightly
and if you have just skimmed through this quiclky take the time out of your lives to go back and read this....thank you
and now i ask the question that i have been meaning to ask...........do you like me?????????????
im preety sure you know who you are
i would right your nam e but there are people that i know that i dont want knowing who it is...so tell me at school or at the mall....just think..mall, school,one of my classes
yes i hate asking but how else am i ever going to know?
<3 julliana
im saying goodbye to my past
im saying goodbye to everyone
im saying goodbye to the horrible mrror image that stares me down each day
im saying goodbye to friends i once thought i had
im saying goodbye to my life
a while ago my life began to crumble
one of my only friends in this town taylor moved to arizona with her father it was very sad
i used to go down to her house almost every day and now seeing as she isnt here anymore my life is boring and i spend my time sleeping (my only left escape from it al) or i let the music pound in my ears
ears which i wish i had never heard the news i have heard over my short life
then my BEST friend ever moved to the cape without saying goodbye
it was only a couple months later that my friend aliez broke my heart with the news
i didnt even see her
i havent seen hor heard from her in over 6 months
half a year without the person you held dearest to you
i called her house as my friend had told me she was moving in advance as i asked for eliza her mother made a sigh and hung up the phone
i have erased her number from my head knowing i will never dial it and hear her voice
my parents started treating me horribly and i would let their voices alow me to slip into nightmares and tears
they told me i was worthless a discrace to the family
(filled with rich uncles and aunts who never cared they would get drunk on christmas thinking sice i was little the words i would soon forget)
i have always loved being close to people
but latley i havent been
i used to and admitting this is hard, do stuff with people i didnt even like just as a way to get free to forget my pain
i treated myself like crap and used myself as a rag doll to clean up my messes
then i made a promise to myself ,i would never touch go near or flirt with someone who wasnt someone i liked
and if i keep that true it looks like i will never kiss anyone again or feel the warm embrace of the person i love
ill be happy to lock myself in my room and sleep to forget
and maybe get up my courage to die
i mean maybe if i got up and did something...but there is nothing to do...thats the problem
i have been so tired and reatless latley
its like im being pulled down by and imaginary hand
i lost many friends in the last few years due to the way i dressed
and my attitude
and also due to cutiing my wrist like a coward who couldnt make it through
others left due to familys wanting to move on
or the addiction to drugs,alchohol,and even ther lousy boyfriends and girlfriends
ruined everything
but i guess im must just move on
i know one or two people will never cease to exist in my dreams and in my heart
i will remain with the friends i think to be true
and the loves or love of my life
which when i think i probably never even knew him
and my friends have told me asking what people would do if i died is a useless question
it is seeing as i can
make my own assupmtions knowing that many would cry and many would not
but as we progress and grow up all of this will be forgotten
all of this will be a small crack in our past
and im sorry you ever had to meet me
and im sorry you had to hear my voice talking of things you didnt care about
im sorry you ever had to read what you could hear in your head my selfish self typing on the computer as if anyone would care or come to save me
this is possibly the most serious post i have ever made and i just ask one thing-please take this entry into consideration and by all means do not take it lightly
and if you have just skimmed through this quiclky take the time out of your lives to go back and read this....thank you
and now i ask the question that i have been meaning to ask...........do you like me?????????????
im preety sure you know who you are
i would right your nam e but there are people that i know that i dont want knowing who it is...so tell me at school or at the mall....just think..mall, school,one of my classes
yes i hate asking but how else am i ever going to know?
<3 julliana