(no subject)
everyone im a fuckin hyprocrit. i said i would hate this journel and only use it as a 007 spy weapon. but im actually gonna update, emotionally from time to time if the its important to me. i notice that i take things too personally, but it goes into over drive when it from my special someone i love so much. like my special friend and my family.
so the other day me and my special friend got into an arguement and we had a huge debate over a phrase, i mistook something they said. something i refuse to repeat.its in the past and want it to stay there. but i wanna openly express that im truely sorry for taking shit too personal. its wasted energy. not worth anyones time and it drievs me into massive depressions. so anyways i notice i invert energy on dumbshit and all it does it bitch slap me in end. during the first week of school, i wanted englush 4 but got put into AP during 4th period. so i tried to rearrange it in a way that enables me to have rotc 4th and englush in the morning. but my english teacher wanted me to stay in AP because i have some sort of 'potential', which i dont.
i struggled to get my schedule changed. one day, like the 3rd day of school. i spent first period which is like an hour running up and down the stairs in the school. it was really stressful and i was somewhat musty from all the running i had done. the school didnt have the phones connected yet so i was a phone current keepign them all in touch.everyone would have me on hold. but in the end my determination and stubborinish got my schedule changed. its quite obvious my english teacher didnt want me in there. but hell thats his problem. :). . . . thats one example of me stressing way ot hard or something as petty as that. who would think a class change would be so complicated though. sometimes i feel so pressured because of my transcripts. i earned good grades over time and now they are biting me in the ass.
everyone is pressuring me into getting the incentive award. its a scholorship whoch gives a full ride to berkeley which includes housing. when life gives you a hard time, try to see it as a challenge, an obsticle in your way. something big and obnoxious blocking your way. fight it. dont let it get a hold on you. i try fighting off all life's obsticles that block my stairway and me and my special friends are champions. when im with that special friend i feel invincible. when life gives me a hard time. i know that i still have a stand. but once obstciles come from all sides. i feel cornered by them. not invincible. i feel like a kid getting bullied.
life is full of obsticles. emily was right there is no such thing as a happy ending. but you cana live a happy life. you dont live and hope to be happy. you gotta make yourself happy. i hope it doesnt sound like im preaching.. but from my last dperession i began to feel like if im nothing. but thats another story. i know this may sound wierd it something my special friend told me "no one has a purpose." i believe this statement but that doesnt mean that your life cant be worth living. life is worth living and when im having a hard time, sometimes i get so happy. id prefer to learn lifes bad side now when im young rather than when im older with children.
being someone like me. living a life and having to do without many of things i wish i had has made me a strong person. to know what its like to have nothing and no real friends helps a person. it shows them that life isnt some kind of fairy tale. it shows you that prince charming wont keep you happy forever. it shows you that you have bills that need to get paid. it teaches you responsibility. lifes a journey. we all have our own path but we tend to intersect. interesecting has made me happy, without intersections you'd be lost ot the darkness. life has shown me that its hard but learn to deal. learn to take a bad situation and manipulate in such a way that it wont hurt you like how it has.
some ppl hate life and commit suicide. they arent losers. they arent whimps. they are people who cant deal withlifes obsticles which arent there to hurt you they are there to make you stronger. to help you fight on. to lead the next generation. to help other men and so on. thats why when im having a problem i usually dont get as depressed as i used to. i usually WOMANhandle it and dont let it get me down. but a person can only handle so much. and when i dont have my special friend, my cheerleader, to cheer for all my touchdowns, i feel down, i feel like i havent done so great, i feel like i need work. i tend to belittle myself. put myself down. wow im going all over the place with this entry arent i?
thats hilarious. for someone like myself, one who claims to hate diaries i write more than others. thats crazy isnt it? life has it obsticles but what i learned the other day was that getting depressed doesnt help you. if anything it hurts you. its ok to be sad, cry from time to time. but to live a life of agaony when you can be be happy and fight off your issues is senseless shit. i think peoples lives can be happy. but people have to make it that way. im not a strong believer in faith, but if you do good, good will come to you, so will bad but when bad comes to you its best to handle it by doing more good.
my special friend does that. they arent a perfect person. theres no such thing as perfect. but if there was he would be. he has had some shitty times in his life. lost life time friends,people who they thought he can touch. he spent long periods being deprived of happiness. but he fought and now he finds ways to laugh at things when they piss tend to piss him off. he doesnt take shit personally. i dont know how the hell he did it. but i need to find a way to handle all this stress before its too late. if i dont i wont make it in college or anywhere. im in the learning process. i think i handle big concepts pretty well. i open myself to all ideas. but yet i find time to shut things and people out. well this is a bit too much about me so imma shut up now and go watch some mad tv.
so the other day me and my special friend got into an arguement and we had a huge debate over a phrase, i mistook something they said. something i refuse to repeat.its in the past and want it to stay there. but i wanna openly express that im truely sorry for taking shit too personal. its wasted energy. not worth anyones time and it drievs me into massive depressions. so anyways i notice i invert energy on dumbshit and all it does it bitch slap me in end. during the first week of school, i wanted englush 4 but got put into AP during 4th period. so i tried to rearrange it in a way that enables me to have rotc 4th and englush in the morning. but my english teacher wanted me to stay in AP because i have some sort of 'potential', which i dont.
i struggled to get my schedule changed. one day, like the 3rd day of school. i spent first period which is like an hour running up and down the stairs in the school. it was really stressful and i was somewhat musty from all the running i had done. the school didnt have the phones connected yet so i was a phone current keepign them all in touch.everyone would have me on hold. but in the end my determination and stubborinish got my schedule changed. its quite obvious my english teacher didnt want me in there. but hell thats his problem. :). . . . thats one example of me stressing way ot hard or something as petty as that. who would think a class change would be so complicated though. sometimes i feel so pressured because of my transcripts. i earned good grades over time and now they are biting me in the ass.
everyone is pressuring me into getting the incentive award. its a scholorship whoch gives a full ride to berkeley which includes housing. when life gives you a hard time, try to see it as a challenge, an obsticle in your way. something big and obnoxious blocking your way. fight it. dont let it get a hold on you. i try fighting off all life's obsticles that block my stairway and me and my special friends are champions. when im with that special friend i feel invincible. when life gives me a hard time. i know that i still have a stand. but once obstciles come from all sides. i feel cornered by them. not invincible. i feel like a kid getting bullied.
life is full of obsticles. emily was right there is no such thing as a happy ending. but you cana live a happy life. you dont live and hope to be happy. you gotta make yourself happy. i hope it doesnt sound like im preaching.. but from my last dperession i began to feel like if im nothing. but thats another story. i know this may sound wierd it something my special friend told me "no one has a purpose." i believe this statement but that doesnt mean that your life cant be worth living. life is worth living and when im having a hard time, sometimes i get so happy. id prefer to learn lifes bad side now when im young rather than when im older with children.
being someone like me. living a life and having to do without many of things i wish i had has made me a strong person. to know what its like to have nothing and no real friends helps a person. it shows them that life isnt some kind of fairy tale. it shows you that prince charming wont keep you happy forever. it shows you that you have bills that need to get paid. it teaches you responsibility. lifes a journey. we all have our own path but we tend to intersect. interesecting has made me happy, without intersections you'd be lost ot the darkness. life has shown me that its hard but learn to deal. learn to take a bad situation and manipulate in such a way that it wont hurt you like how it has.
some ppl hate life and commit suicide. they arent losers. they arent whimps. they are people who cant deal withlifes obsticles which arent there to hurt you they are there to make you stronger. to help you fight on. to lead the next generation. to help other men and so on. thats why when im having a problem i usually dont get as depressed as i used to. i usually WOMANhandle it and dont let it get me down. but a person can only handle so much. and when i dont have my special friend, my cheerleader, to cheer for all my touchdowns, i feel down, i feel like i havent done so great, i feel like i need work. i tend to belittle myself. put myself down. wow im going all over the place with this entry arent i?
thats hilarious. for someone like myself, one who claims to hate diaries i write more than others. thats crazy isnt it? life has it obsticles but what i learned the other day was that getting depressed doesnt help you. if anything it hurts you. its ok to be sad, cry from time to time. but to live a life of agaony when you can be be happy and fight off your issues is senseless shit. i think peoples lives can be happy. but people have to make it that way. im not a strong believer in faith, but if you do good, good will come to you, so will bad but when bad comes to you its best to handle it by doing more good.
my special friend does that. they arent a perfect person. theres no such thing as perfect. but if there was he would be. he has had some shitty times in his life. lost life time friends,people who they thought he can touch. he spent long periods being deprived of happiness. but he fought and now he finds ways to laugh at things when they piss tend to piss him off. he doesnt take shit personally. i dont know how the hell he did it. but i need to find a way to handle all this stress before its too late. if i dont i wont make it in college or anywhere. im in the learning process. i think i handle big concepts pretty well. i open myself to all ideas. but yet i find time to shut things and people out. well this is a bit too much about me so imma shut up now and go watch some mad tv.