It's finally happening
At some point in the future I will probably write down a lengthy heartfelt explanation of how I got where I am now versus where I was two years ago. How I lost all the friends I mistakenly thought of as family. I'm not going to do that yet. This little exclamation is largely for me, and I know what happened. I'll probably always know, so I don't need to provide myself context just yet.
What I'm getting at with the subject is, the pain is beginning to become a part of the background noise of my existence. Those people I valued are beginning to be nothing more than people I knew. The events just things that happened., The grief, shock, loss and anger have begun to give way to new experiences, losses, friendships and hopes. The person I'm becomming is starting to be less dependent on who I was every day.
I still miss people. I still consider what it might be like to run into them or talk to them, but it doesn't weigh on me so heavily anymore. Last year at this time I'd have severe panic and depression when I met new potential friends or enjoyed the company of acquaintances. Now that time feels like a distant memory. What's really positive is I seem to have retained my ability to be somewhat detached from people, while still able to enjoy their company. It feels like positive change. It feels a little like growing up maybe.
Relationship type stuff is somewhat up in the air, however Andrew and I had some good talks this week about what sort of things he'd want in another partner, the pitfalls of trying to date in Elko, and other good stuff. Since D is on a birthday getaway with his wife this weekend we aren't really talking. It's giving me a nice break and hopefully it's fun for them and giving them a good chance to bond and enjoy each other's company.
This weekend is good. I'm evaluating what I need out of relationships, and what I intend to give back. I'm also going to a murder mystery thing which is being held by some people who don't like me, so I'm a little nervous about that. However we are generally fairly civil when we see one another. I'll still take any excuse to put on a costume. It's as good a way as any to spend a pre-birthday saturday.
Oh and. Today I "caucused" for the first time. Now I'm a county delegate. For all you who doubted I could ever hold an elected office... okay you were wrong but not too wrong. Ha. Yesterday I went and watched Bernie Sanders speak at Elko High School, and today I went out for him to the caucus. I'd never seen a caucus before, since Arizona does primary elections. I never knew that there was a difference but I do now. The caucusing process is fun but seems somewhat convoluted. I'm hearing a lot of reports of it being done in somewhat fishy ways and I cant' say I'm too surprised. Either way though, it's still kind of a neat way to evaluate who to nominate to run for President.
What I'm getting at with the subject is, the pain is beginning to become a part of the background noise of my existence. Those people I valued are beginning to be nothing more than people I knew. The events just things that happened., The grief, shock, loss and anger have begun to give way to new experiences, losses, friendships and hopes. The person I'm becomming is starting to be less dependent on who I was every day.
I still miss people. I still consider what it might be like to run into them or talk to them, but it doesn't weigh on me so heavily anymore. Last year at this time I'd have severe panic and depression when I met new potential friends or enjoyed the company of acquaintances. Now that time feels like a distant memory. What's really positive is I seem to have retained my ability to be somewhat detached from people, while still able to enjoy their company. It feels like positive change. It feels a little like growing up maybe.
Relationship type stuff is somewhat up in the air, however Andrew and I had some good talks this week about what sort of things he'd want in another partner, the pitfalls of trying to date in Elko, and other good stuff. Since D is on a birthday getaway with his wife this weekend we aren't really talking. It's giving me a nice break and hopefully it's fun for them and giving them a good chance to bond and enjoy each other's company.
This weekend is good. I'm evaluating what I need out of relationships, and what I intend to give back. I'm also going to a murder mystery thing which is being held by some people who don't like me, so I'm a little nervous about that. However we are generally fairly civil when we see one another. I'll still take any excuse to put on a costume. It's as good a way as any to spend a pre-birthday saturday.
Oh and. Today I "caucused" for the first time. Now I'm a county delegate. For all you who doubted I could ever hold an elected office... okay you were wrong but not too wrong. Ha. Yesterday I went and watched Bernie Sanders speak at Elko High School, and today I went out for him to the caucus. I'd never seen a caucus before, since Arizona does primary elections. I never knew that there was a difference but I do now. The caucusing process is fun but seems somewhat convoluted. I'm hearing a lot of reports of it being done in somewhat fishy ways and I cant' say I'm too surprised. Either way though, it's still kind of a neat way to evaluate who to nominate to run for President.