"But everything was perfect from far away..."
Today has been a BEAUTIFUL day. Although I may have failed my Government test -- it doesn't change my day and how it went. My lunch was infinitely made better when my big sister came over and hugged me, telling me she loved me. Small act of kindness. Small expression of love. But it made a BIG difference on my day. I think letting someone know you appreciate them at least once a day -- would make a difference in this world. *hugs the computer* If you are reading this -- thank you for caring about me to read about my day.
I just finished watching Moulin Rouge. I'm such a romantic. -_-u That movie touched me -- a lot more than when I watched it the other fifty million times. *Stares in awe at Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor* Love. I'm sure I'll encounter it one day. It's probably staring me in the face, but I just don't see it. *all sappy* Y'know, I think to an extent I did really love Michelle or David even... but I don't think I loved them truly, because I didn't honestly love myself. It's just one of those things I ponder. ...I know when it came to Michelle -- at times it was almost an obsession. I felt something about myself and saw something about the world, that I had never seen before. If anything -- just puppy love. It lacked a real...emotional connection. I could talk to her about my problems -- and she could talk to me if she really wanted to... but that was something we nearly avoided. It was all about fun. ...Fun. I was fourteen then.
Two years later -- and I'm seeing something the world through a new pair of eyes. I'm seeing the world through my own. I'm no longer bound to David's abuse...or the terror I allowed to continue on -- even after he was arrested. I still shudder when I think of his hands being where they shouldn't have been -- and being violated...but it's the past. I cannot change the past. ...I can only change myself. It's interesting really ... to see people in love. One day, I'll have that. One day, I'll have a chance at retrying a relationship -- and this time, there won't be so much emotional baggage weighing me down. I can do so much better than the abuse -- I know that I don't deserve to be hit...I don't deserve to be used. I saw that today...when I took a step back -- and a friend of mine blessed me with the gift of kindness. Kindness.
Surprising the effects of generousity and love can do for you. It can change a person's experience and day. A single kind word. A phrase. A smile. A touch. It can impact someone's life so much -- and I know this. I've experienced in my hardships when a loving friend reached out to me. But I don't need to be suffering to be touched. I've been touched. Who ever reads this -- I want you to know, you've touched my life. I love you all the more for brightening it with your rays. I may not talk to you as much -- or we may be fighting...but I still want to thank you for all that you've given me. We take love for granted so much -- and I want to give back to the world.
New York was a good experience for me -- I realized a lot of things about myself...and had time to just...breathe. Life has been so good to me. The Gods are smiling down upon me -- and I am blessed. Truly blessed. To everlasting love...and to laughter. You've touched my heart. I will always love you. Always.
Love Always,
Your Cynfie
I just finished watching Moulin Rouge. I'm such a romantic. -_-u That movie touched me -- a lot more than when I watched it the other fifty million times. *Stares in awe at Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor* Love. I'm sure I'll encounter it one day. It's probably staring me in the face, but I just don't see it. *all sappy* Y'know, I think to an extent I did really love Michelle or David even... but I don't think I loved them truly, because I didn't honestly love myself. It's just one of those things I ponder. ...I know when it came to Michelle -- at times it was almost an obsession. I felt something about myself and saw something about the world, that I had never seen before. If anything -- just puppy love. It lacked a real...emotional connection. I could talk to her about my problems -- and she could talk to me if she really wanted to... but that was something we nearly avoided. It was all about fun. ...Fun. I was fourteen then.
Two years later -- and I'm seeing something the world through a new pair of eyes. I'm seeing the world through my own. I'm no longer bound to David's abuse...or the terror I allowed to continue on -- even after he was arrested. I still shudder when I think of his hands being where they shouldn't have been -- and being violated...but it's the past. I cannot change the past. ...I can only change myself. It's interesting really ... to see people in love. One day, I'll have that. One day, I'll have a chance at retrying a relationship -- and this time, there won't be so much emotional baggage weighing me down. I can do so much better than the abuse -- I know that I don't deserve to be hit...I don't deserve to be used. I saw that today...when I took a step back -- and a friend of mine blessed me with the gift of kindness. Kindness.
Surprising the effects of generousity and love can do for you. It can change a person's experience and day. A single kind word. A phrase. A smile. A touch. It can impact someone's life so much -- and I know this. I've experienced in my hardships when a loving friend reached out to me. But I don't need to be suffering to be touched. I've been touched. Who ever reads this -- I want you to know, you've touched my life. I love you all the more for brightening it with your rays. I may not talk to you as much -- or we may be fighting...but I still want to thank you for all that you've given me. We take love for granted so much -- and I want to give back to the world.
New York was a good experience for me -- I realized a lot of things about myself...and had time to just...breathe. Life has been so good to me. The Gods are smiling down upon me -- and I am blessed. Truly blessed. To everlasting love...and to laughter. You've touched my heart. I will always love you. Always.
Love Always,
Your Cynfie