(no subject)
i am really fucking sick of being hurt all the time by the same kind of people, no matter what sort of package they come in. Even when i think they are different, underneath it's the same story and it's not the one i want.
"Different pages".
"Different people."
"Different paths".
All it means is that it doesn't work and i dont' know how i keep trying to make it do so, how i can believe every time that "this time will be different, HE is different".
But every new "he" is always a version of the same person, the One i left my heart with and haven't been able to prise out of his grip since. And it sickens me that i can be so strong, so determined, so independent in every other way, but when it comes to him - and subsequently, these relationships - I am hopeless and lost and helpless. Why him? Why HIM??? Why is everything and everyone HIM???
I am sick of having my heart broken because I give it too quickly to someone unwilling (or not wanting) to give theirs to me. I am sick of wearing my heart on my sleeve, getting it caught on nails in the hallway when I least expect it, and feeling it unravel at the feet of someone whose heart and love will never be mine.
I am really fucking sick of being hurt and it being my fault.
"Different pages".
"Different people."
"Different paths".
All it means is that it doesn't work and i dont' know how i keep trying to make it do so, how i can believe every time that "this time will be different, HE is different".
But every new "he" is always a version of the same person, the One i left my heart with and haven't been able to prise out of his grip since. And it sickens me that i can be so strong, so determined, so independent in every other way, but when it comes to him - and subsequently, these relationships - I am hopeless and lost and helpless. Why him? Why HIM??? Why is everything and everyone HIM???
I am sick of having my heart broken because I give it too quickly to someone unwilling (or not wanting) to give theirs to me. I am sick of wearing my heart on my sleeve, getting it caught on nails in the hallway when I least expect it, and feeling it unravel at the feet of someone whose heart and love will never be mine.
I am really fucking sick of being hurt and it being my fault.