Want the Fame but I can't have it yet
Today I saw my former art teacher int he bead store.
I was so happy to see her I almost cried right then and there. I had no idea how much I missed her. She was one of the best teachers I've ever had and was one of the factors that made high school less sucky for me, especially since I was in her class when high school sucked the most for me.
I noticed her as I was walking in with my friend and she says "Is that an old Central student I see?". Seeing as though I had a pretty bad time in Central High and I didn't graduate from the school, I thought I didn't count as a Central student. Something about hearing her call me that made me feel less ashamed of my high school career and just... overall delighted. I may take (or try to take) my academic failure in stride but some days I do still feel kinda low about it so being counted as a Central kid makes me feel a little better.
She also asked me where I went to school currently. As you know, I'm not a student anymore. At first I was nervous to say it but then I realized it wasn't a big deal when I could tell her I was still creating things. Its better than doing nothing~
This got me thinking: Me and school have a love hate relationship. Sometimes I want to go back, do assignments, work towards deadlines, take tests, eventually graduate and have a degree to show for it. Deep down I think my family is less proud of me because I quit school and only work a part time job. I wonder if they think I'll be mooching off of them for the rest of my life because I don't have a big enough income to be independent. I wonder if they think all the time and money they invested in me will be a waste because it looks like I'll be working retail and living in an apartment for most of my life.
I guess its none of my business since no one's ever said it to me. Since its none of my business it doesn't matter. I know what I want and I know what I'm doing. It may look like nothing but I am working towards something. Its just that no one knows about it.
I admit that it would be awesome to win something right about now so I can show my family that I'm doing something with my time. It would feel nice, very nice. But right now I feel that I have to come back inward for right now. I have to go into myself and find out more about myself, who I am and what I can do. I'm still not very sure about all this.
Right now would not be a good time to receive praise and the like. It'd only be a distraction. A distraction from my true goal. I don't want that. I want to continue my path of reaching my goal. I knew it wasn't going to be easy and filled with joy and happiness. Thats for the end of the road... if there is one. If there isn't an end, thats okay too. 'Cause I would have lived a life full of experiences, lessons and love that many people don't get to experience.
I was so happy to see her I almost cried right then and there. I had no idea how much I missed her. She was one of the best teachers I've ever had and was one of the factors that made high school less sucky for me, especially since I was in her class when high school sucked the most for me.
I noticed her as I was walking in with my friend and she says "Is that an old Central student I see?". Seeing as though I had a pretty bad time in Central High and I didn't graduate from the school, I thought I didn't count as a Central student. Something about hearing her call me that made me feel less ashamed of my high school career and just... overall delighted. I may take (or try to take) my academic failure in stride but some days I do still feel kinda low about it so being counted as a Central kid makes me feel a little better.
She also asked me where I went to school currently. As you know, I'm not a student anymore. At first I was nervous to say it but then I realized it wasn't a big deal when I could tell her I was still creating things. Its better than doing nothing~
This got me thinking: Me and school have a love hate relationship. Sometimes I want to go back, do assignments, work towards deadlines, take tests, eventually graduate and have a degree to show for it. Deep down I think my family is less proud of me because I quit school and only work a part time job. I wonder if they think I'll be mooching off of them for the rest of my life because I don't have a big enough income to be independent. I wonder if they think all the time and money they invested in me will be a waste because it looks like I'll be working retail and living in an apartment for most of my life.
I guess its none of my business since no one's ever said it to me. Since its none of my business it doesn't matter. I know what I want and I know what I'm doing. It may look like nothing but I am working towards something. Its just that no one knows about it.
I admit that it would be awesome to win something right about now so I can show my family that I'm doing something with my time. It would feel nice, very nice. But right now I feel that I have to come back inward for right now. I have to go into myself and find out more about myself, who I am and what I can do. I'm still not very sure about all this.
Right now would not be a good time to receive praise and the like. It'd only be a distraction. A distraction from my true goal. I don't want that. I want to continue my path of reaching my goal. I knew it wasn't going to be easy and filled with joy and happiness. Thats for the end of the road... if there is one. If there isn't an end, thats okay too. 'Cause I would have lived a life full of experiences, lessons and love that many people don't get to experience.