My light is finally shining through.
Well it has been another long while since Ive updated this shyt. SOOOOOOOOOOOOO here we shall go!
I have started my anti anxiety medication. Ive been on it for... Maybe three weeks or so now? But I feel so fucking great its not even funny. Im bouncing off the walls all the time now. (Even when tired) I can think clearly, my memory has improved. I dont always feel depressed. (Which I never even noticed being that way really) Its so much easier for me to talk to people now. Im still shy as hell but I can some what continue a conversation rather then just laughing or nodding and not saying anything at all. I can even fall asleep. Im just happy with myself. I actually find myself attractive now. I never wanted to go on meds for the fact that I always believe that I would become lost. It wouldnt be "me" that I would change into one of those people that I just cant stand to be around. But its just like the fog has lifted. That all the shit that was holding me down is gone and I am shining through. Though I have a tendency to ramble when Im happy so I do that all the time now. BUT I DONT CARE! I just feel so great.
I have also decided to leave this place behind. Start somewhere fresh. Cam and I are back together and we are moving to Georgia. The only reason why I didnt want to move there was the fact that I would be fare from my mother but Im starting to realize that I cant always save her. And she cant always do the same for me. I need to actually live my life rather then just stay stranded.
I was trying not to tell Jess that I was moving. I was going to test to see how long it would take her to figure out that I was no longer around. But I had informed a mutual friend that I was moving and that we should hang out a few times before I leave. I guess he called her to ask what was up so we are all supposed to hang out on the 4th. A while back I would probly have been excited but Im dreading it. Because Jess has been one of the major figures in my life that has been holding me back. Most likely unknowingly she has been showing me how "worthless" I am for the fact Im always the last call on her list. The one she calls when she needs something fixed for her because she knows I will do anything for a friend and because I dont ask anything in return. Her "body guard" as she likes to call me. Because she always manages to get herself into stupid situations. I would say that Im going to miss her but I think I would be lying to myself and everyone else.
See I told you I ramble! God I love this. Did anyone make it this fare? =P
I have started my anti anxiety medication. Ive been on it for... Maybe three weeks or so now? But I feel so fucking great its not even funny. Im bouncing off the walls all the time now. (Even when tired) I can think clearly, my memory has improved. I dont always feel depressed. (Which I never even noticed being that way really) Its so much easier for me to talk to people now. Im still shy as hell but I can some what continue a conversation rather then just laughing or nodding and not saying anything at all. I can even fall asleep. Im just happy with myself. I actually find myself attractive now. I never wanted to go on meds for the fact that I always believe that I would become lost. It wouldnt be "me" that I would change into one of those people that I just cant stand to be around. But its just like the fog has lifted. That all the shit that was holding me down is gone and I am shining through. Though I have a tendency to ramble when Im happy so I do that all the time now. BUT I DONT CARE! I just feel so great.
I have also decided to leave this place behind. Start somewhere fresh. Cam and I are back together and we are moving to Georgia. The only reason why I didnt want to move there was the fact that I would be fare from my mother but Im starting to realize that I cant always save her. And she cant always do the same for me. I need to actually live my life rather then just stay stranded.
I was trying not to tell Jess that I was moving. I was going to test to see how long it would take her to figure out that I was no longer around. But I had informed a mutual friend that I was moving and that we should hang out a few times before I leave. I guess he called her to ask what was up so we are all supposed to hang out on the 4th. A while back I would probly have been excited but Im dreading it. Because Jess has been one of the major figures in my life that has been holding me back. Most likely unknowingly she has been showing me how "worthless" I am for the fact Im always the last call on her list. The one she calls when she needs something fixed for her because she knows I will do anything for a friend and because I dont ask anything in return. Her "body guard" as she likes to call me. Because she always manages to get herself into stupid situations. I would say that Im going to miss her but I think I would be lying to myself and everyone else.
See I told you I ramble! God I love this. Did anyone make it this fare? =P