"So, how was work today?" "Oh, I was assulted by a crazy woman."
I was assaulted by a crazy woman at work today. This woman comes in every day, asking for coffee, and mumbling to herself and complains to us about various conspiracies that are against her. Her conspiracy theories jump from different federal government agencies to major corporations to Trader Joe’s across the street, to even us. We think that she must have some severe form of schizophrenia or something- she is just out of her mind insane. She disturbs out customers on a daily basis- last weekend when I worked she was caught washing her hair in the bathroom. We should have just ended it there by kicking her out. She seems to have some sort of obsessive compulsive disorder because every time she comes in, she asks us to pour her coffee out and give her some new coffee. She also asks us to change the milks from the milk bar- there is always something wrong with them. So today, on her third round of getting a new cup of coffee, she comes up to me and tells me that there is floor cleanser in her coffee. I told her that she must be mistaken, there is absolutely no possible way that floor cleaner could come in contact with her coffee- we are a very clean and sanitary establishment. My supervisor noticed that she was back yet again, and came over and asked her what the problem was. The lady repeated that she thought there was floor cleanser in her coffee. My supervisor did not even attempt to reason with her, but instead just told her that she had to ask her to leave. The woman’s face drastically changed from an aloof expression to one of pure malice- it was pretty damn scary. Her hand that was holding the coffee shot out, and she launched her coffee directly at me. It was amazing how fast it happened. The entire store, which was very crowded with customers, fell silent. Everybody was just starring at me horrified- my coworkers’ mouths were literally hanging open. The lady managed to run out of the store while everybody was starring at me- by then, I was laughing hysterically, which horrified everybody even more. It was so abrupt and shocking, couldn’t help but laugh about it. I was quite lucky though, that she had a gallon of cream in her coffee- our coffee right after being brewed is somewhere around 160 degrees. Finally one of my coworkers snapped out of his trance, and shouts, “She is so not getting away this that!” and runs out of the store to follow the lady. Meanwhile, the police were called, and they told me that I could press charges against her, and testify against her in court, and all that. She’s certainly a public nuisance, and could potentially be dangerous, but because of her apparent mental condition, I don’t know if she really has a sense of moral judgment. Although, had I filed a battery charge, maybe she could have been put in some sort of medical facility that would give her drugs or something…anyways, if she steps foot into our store or our patio, she will be trespassing, and can be arrested. I need to tell the kids at the downtown store- they’d appreciate this story, because they think they are the ones with the insane customers.