(no subject)
It's been a little over 7 months since my mother died. She died the 15 th of June 13 days before my 20th birthday. And I'm already starting to forget.
The 14 of june 2003 I was going to go with my friends to a concert of sorts with alphaville....the hospital were my mother was admitted called during the day saying she was worse so my father and two sisters went to see her I didn't cause I didn't know if I would make it to the concert if I had...just after my father and sisters left..I got this strange thought in my head what if my mother would die and I didn't see her any more and I started to cry but I pushed that thought away because she's my mother she cant die...anyway my sisters made it home before I left for the concert they didn't say much just that she was a bit confused and you had to touch her if you spoke to her otherwise she just mumbled strange stuff...so I went to the concert with my friend I really didn't think so much about my mother cause it's not like anything really could happen to her..so I got home like 02.30 or something like that...my sister had already gone to bed so me and my dog went to be and just as I was falling into sleep I thought if the phone dosen't ring everything is going to be allright...I fell asleep and was woke up by the phone...I heard it ring and ring..I deiced I was NOT going to answer I finally hear my sister answer and I just knew ..but my sister sounded so calm so I still had hope...then I heard her walk up the stair to my room turn on the light and said "Mum died" I said "okey" and she said we need to go get dad and I was "Like right now?" "Yes"....I got my clothes on and my sister called my older sister and told her...she wasn't coming with us...so I got in the car...I drove because I wanted to I couldn't just sit still doing nothing all the way to Uppsala....I remember I stopped at the stop sign...It was like 03.30 no cars and my mother had died and I stopped at the damned stop sign...
My legs shucked real bad all the way to Sala, I had to drive with the cruise control cause I couldn't step on the gas...but when my legs stopped shaking I really stepped on the gas.. I remember that I kind of like the drive no cars a big nice road and the speed was fun...I wanted that drive to never end but it did...when we got there we couldn't get in because all the doors was lock and we had no phone numbers to call but finally somebody spotted us from the window and let us in...and I wanted to see my mother because I needed to realize she was dead... she didn't look like my mother her eyes were empty and cold...how the hell do you deal with losing your mother??
The 14 of june 2003 I was going to go with my friends to a concert of sorts with alphaville....the hospital were my mother was admitted called during the day saying she was worse so my father and two sisters went to see her I didn't cause I didn't know if I would make it to the concert if I had...just after my father and sisters left..I got this strange thought in my head what if my mother would die and I didn't see her any more and I started to cry but I pushed that thought away because she's my mother she cant die...anyway my sisters made it home before I left for the concert they didn't say much just that she was a bit confused and you had to touch her if you spoke to her otherwise she just mumbled strange stuff...so I went to the concert with my friend I really didn't think so much about my mother cause it's not like anything really could happen to her..so I got home like 02.30 or something like that...my sister had already gone to bed so me and my dog went to be and just as I was falling into sleep I thought if the phone dosen't ring everything is going to be allright...I fell asleep and was woke up by the phone...I heard it ring and ring..I deiced I was NOT going to answer I finally hear my sister answer and I just knew ..but my sister sounded so calm so I still had hope...then I heard her walk up the stair to my room turn on the light and said "Mum died" I said "okey" and she said we need to go get dad and I was "Like right now?" "Yes"....I got my clothes on and my sister called my older sister and told her...she wasn't coming with us...so I got in the car...I drove because I wanted to I couldn't just sit still doing nothing all the way to Uppsala....I remember I stopped at the stop sign...It was like 03.30 no cars and my mother had died and I stopped at the damned stop sign...
My legs shucked real bad all the way to Sala, I had to drive with the cruise control cause I couldn't step on the gas...but when my legs stopped shaking I really stepped on the gas.. I remember that I kind of like the drive no cars a big nice road and the speed was fun...I wanted that drive to never end but it did...when we got there we couldn't get in because all the doors was lock and we had no phone numbers to call but finally somebody spotted us from the window and let us in...and I wanted to see my mother because I needed to realize she was dead... she didn't look like my mother her eyes were empty and cold...how the hell do you deal with losing your mother??