It's been awhile since I posted
I'm just going to start from the beginning. I'm extremely stressed out. I've got so many big things going on that all the little things just frustrate the hell out of me. And I hate when people tell me to calm down or relax, like I haven't tried that. First off, my mother has to go in for an emergency histerectomy on the 10th. She has a growth that has been connecting and trying to spread to other organs. She's going to be in the hospital for her birthday. My grandpa was given two months to live three months ago, enough said. I swear I'm having a midlife crisis. I can't do what I've always counted on doing, so now I have to change my life-long plans all together. That is the most frustrating thing on earth. I'm having relationship issues and I don't have a relationship. I left Alt for Dale, then started dating Brad while Dale was in Michigan. When it came down to it, I chose Dale who promptly left me for a stripper. I heard about that from Alt. I don't know what the fuck is going on with Brad. We broke out but were still friends. I went to his house and watched a movie with him and he ended up kissing me before I left. Then, he calls the next morning fully ready to go off on me for what I "almost made" him "do." But we still hang out, after the Dale incident, I was of course completely hurt and vulnerable. I went and hung out with Brad. He consoles me and one thing leads to another and we slept together. However, it was the worst sex in my life (I'm pretty sure his too) because my mind kept wandering and I just couldn't stay in the mood. I haven't been conciously avoiding him, but we have been hanging out less. We keep pissing each other off, or at least he keeps confusing me which pisses me off. He'll get all "perturbed" because I said that I might come over and then got drunk and forgot to call him at ten. I called him later and he was being extremely distant. Lately, it's like he doesn't even want to talk to me. I'll call him and he'll just cut it short. When he's at work or busy it's understandable. But last night, for instance, he cut me off twice. The second time, I was shitfaced so I just called him a dick and hung up. I just don't know what the fuck is going on with him. And then I don't know how I feel about him. The whole thing is just confusing. Not to mention I'm still hurt from Dale. The only things helping not break down are Rueben and alcohol. Rueben's been helping me out so much, it's great. He's like a brother to me. It's funny becuase we hang out almost everyday so of course people start to talk. This one girl was saying we should hook up. Me and Rueben got a laugh out of that, it'd be like incest. We're just going to drive up through Oklahoma all the way to Canada, and then back down through New York as soon as we get the money. It'll be nice to leave the country for a while.