How spirituality informs sexuality for me
Remembering that I'm a dual-religion sort of person because I'm a Jew-Witch....
In Judaism there is absolutely NO talk of sex. None. As a girl and woman, all you know is that you're supposed to find a good provider who will bring home the bacon so you can have many Jewish children and take care of the household and leave him alone. You might recognize this as a very 50s North American ideal. It still goes on in Jewish households today, especially amongst the more orthodox sects.
In the orthodox groups, Jewish women are not to be touched when they have their periods. In fact, if there's any sign at all of bleeding they aren't even to touch something to give to their husbands because
they're so unclean. After their periods they're to have a ritual bath called a Mikvah to cleanse them of this filth. Only once they've been ritually cleansed can they go back to touching their husbands and only for the purpose of procreation, not pleasure. Sex and touching are dirty acts to be done only for the sake of duty. In extremely orthodox practices (even more than already described) they have sex only with a sheet between them and a hole cut in the sheet so their bodies do not touch. That is why you will see total segregation in orthodox synogogues, weddings and everywhere else. Orthodox Jewish women are also to be covered by their clothing except their faces, necks and hands and their hair is to be covered with either a wig or something else that covers their hair completely.
I should add that a woman who cannot conceive is considered a defective woman with no value to Jewish society. Since it's the woman who gets pregnant it's always seen as her fault if she can't. She is considered her husband's property. The idea behind all this is the continuation of the Jews and nothing is more clear to a young Jewish person than that assimilation (giving up Judaism to integrate into the society at large) is the worst possible thing you can do to your family (that's why the inevitable question on dating is, "Is he Jewish?").
I thank goodness that I was born into a rather secular Jewish family. While there was certainly a great deal of ephasis on finding a good provider and settling down to have a family eventually and keep house, there weren't the same kinds of feelings of women being dirty. I know my father's values were closer to the more religious side as were his parents'. However, my mother was a feminist and I grew up without my father and with only my sister and grandmother, which was probably a good thing for me as I was growing up.
I learned to think independently and one thing I quickly realized was that I didn't subscribe to the Jewish religion or ways of thinking. As a feminist it was anathema to me. I rejected Judaism in the middle of my teens. I considered myself atheist from then through my mid-20s. It was probably my lack of religious conflict that allowed me to accept bisexuality and polyamory as completely normal for me.
At the age of 21 when I was at the only year I spent in Liberal Arts at York University I was very involved with the Women's Centre there. I met a woman who was just discovering Wicca at that time and asked
many questions. It intrigued me, but I guess I wasn't ready to learn more so I let it go. When I was 24 I ran into her again by chance and struck up a new conversation with her. I was more interested then and
she suggested some readings. Shortly after that I met by chance with another fellow who was a Wiccan priest. Through his teaching I learned Tarot and began participating in a few rituals. It felt comfortable. It felt good. It was nice to be part of a religion that revered women instead of denegrating them.
Wicca is a religion based on on the natural things around us, especially the cycles of life. Therefore, fertility is very important and women are seen as not just mothers but also nurturers, creators of life and powerful beings. Men also are seen as important and balance is stressed. However, women are seen as having more power than men amongst many because while men contribute their seed to ignite the spark of life, only women are capable of making that seed grow into its full power of life.
The act of copulation and acts of pleasure are valued in Wicca. In the Charge of the Goddess she says, "All acts of pleasure are my rituals" and that "there is no power greater in all the world than
that of a man and woman joined in the bonds of love." This is obviously completely opposite to the Jewish perspective and was a joy for me to learn as I was always more apt to be sexually open and free. In fact, sex magic is one of the most sacred and secretive forms of Wiccan ritual magical practice.
However, you can see that there may be a problem here for someone who's not straight. If the greatest power is that of men and women copulating (assumedly to create life), then what of same-sex
pleasures? Well, that's not so cut and dried. However, by an amazing coincidence, a large number of Wiccans are bisexual. Why is this so? Because "all acts of pleasure are my rituals" and therefore nothing
is forbidden. So, while same-sex relationships and sexuality is not exactly promoted, neither is it villified or antithetical to Wicca.
You often find an extremely odd mixture of people involved in Wicca in a wide variety of traditions and practices ranging from Dianic (no men allowed at all - a lesbian sect) to the more traditional
Gardnerian (kind of like the Catholic of Wicca - very stringent rules and teachings). However, open-mindedness is the hallmark of Wicca because it goes against what so many mainstream religions would have
us practice, so sexuality is just as much outside the mainstream as anything else.
I hope you've found this not too long but at least interesting.
In Judaism there is absolutely NO talk of sex. None. As a girl and woman, all you know is that you're supposed to find a good provider who will bring home the bacon so you can have many Jewish children and take care of the household and leave him alone. You might recognize this as a very 50s North American ideal. It still goes on in Jewish households today, especially amongst the more orthodox sects.
In the orthodox groups, Jewish women are not to be touched when they have their periods. In fact, if there's any sign at all of bleeding they aren't even to touch something to give to their husbands because
they're so unclean. After their periods they're to have a ritual bath called a Mikvah to cleanse them of this filth. Only once they've been ritually cleansed can they go back to touching their husbands and only for the purpose of procreation, not pleasure. Sex and touching are dirty acts to be done only for the sake of duty. In extremely orthodox practices (even more than already described) they have sex only with a sheet between them and a hole cut in the sheet so their bodies do not touch. That is why you will see total segregation in orthodox synogogues, weddings and everywhere else. Orthodox Jewish women are also to be covered by their clothing except their faces, necks and hands and their hair is to be covered with either a wig or something else that covers their hair completely.
I should add that a woman who cannot conceive is considered a defective woman with no value to Jewish society. Since it's the woman who gets pregnant it's always seen as her fault if she can't. She is considered her husband's property. The idea behind all this is the continuation of the Jews and nothing is more clear to a young Jewish person than that assimilation (giving up Judaism to integrate into the society at large) is the worst possible thing you can do to your family (that's why the inevitable question on dating is, "Is he Jewish?").
I thank goodness that I was born into a rather secular Jewish family. While there was certainly a great deal of ephasis on finding a good provider and settling down to have a family eventually and keep house, there weren't the same kinds of feelings of women being dirty. I know my father's values were closer to the more religious side as were his parents'. However, my mother was a feminist and I grew up without my father and with only my sister and grandmother, which was probably a good thing for me as I was growing up.
I learned to think independently and one thing I quickly realized was that I didn't subscribe to the Jewish religion or ways of thinking. As a feminist it was anathema to me. I rejected Judaism in the middle of my teens. I considered myself atheist from then through my mid-20s. It was probably my lack of religious conflict that allowed me to accept bisexuality and polyamory as completely normal for me.
At the age of 21 when I was at the only year I spent in Liberal Arts at York University I was very involved with the Women's Centre there. I met a woman who was just discovering Wicca at that time and asked
many questions. It intrigued me, but I guess I wasn't ready to learn more so I let it go. When I was 24 I ran into her again by chance and struck up a new conversation with her. I was more interested then and
she suggested some readings. Shortly after that I met by chance with another fellow who was a Wiccan priest. Through his teaching I learned Tarot and began participating in a few rituals. It felt comfortable. It felt good. It was nice to be part of a religion that revered women instead of denegrating them.
Wicca is a religion based on on the natural things around us, especially the cycles of life. Therefore, fertility is very important and women are seen as not just mothers but also nurturers, creators of life and powerful beings. Men also are seen as important and balance is stressed. However, women are seen as having more power than men amongst many because while men contribute their seed to ignite the spark of life, only women are capable of making that seed grow into its full power of life.
The act of copulation and acts of pleasure are valued in Wicca. In the Charge of the Goddess she says, "All acts of pleasure are my rituals" and that "there is no power greater in all the world than
that of a man and woman joined in the bonds of love." This is obviously completely opposite to the Jewish perspective and was a joy for me to learn as I was always more apt to be sexually open and free. In fact, sex magic is one of the most sacred and secretive forms of Wiccan ritual magical practice.
However, you can see that there may be a problem here for someone who's not straight. If the greatest power is that of men and women copulating (assumedly to create life), then what of same-sex
pleasures? Well, that's not so cut and dried. However, by an amazing coincidence, a large number of Wiccans are bisexual. Why is this so? Because "all acts of pleasure are my rituals" and therefore nothing
is forbidden. So, while same-sex relationships and sexuality is not exactly promoted, neither is it villified or antithetical to Wicca.
You often find an extremely odd mixture of people involved in Wicca in a wide variety of traditions and practices ranging from Dianic (no men allowed at all - a lesbian sect) to the more traditional
Gardnerian (kind of like the Catholic of Wicca - very stringent rules and teachings). However, open-mindedness is the hallmark of Wicca because it goes against what so many mainstream religions would have
us practice, so sexuality is just as much outside the mainstream as anything else.
I hope you've found this not too long but at least interesting.