(no subject)
i have been having a flurry of unexplainable and curiously tangible dreams lately.
i have told some of you about the one where i had lost my graphing calculator (perhaps it had been stolen) and then found two calculators in my locker but they were both types i didn't need. i feel like i should get something out of this.
in another one, there was some girl that i would never find myself talking to in real life, and i was having a completely normal conversation with her. i am always including people that i never think about in my dreams.
last night, i dreamt that i was in a bathing suit in doyle's house and his kitchen was the exact same as my old one (before we demolished it and built outward) with white speckled black tiles that looked like a starry night sky and black and white tiled walls, and i knew where the phone was without looking because it was my old kitchen, and i called my mom around 12:15 a.m. to get picked up. i think this is because someone mentioned doyle for some reason yesterday.
i really love dreams, as odd as they are, and i wish i could explain these. they're pretty vague, though, so i don't expect i'll ever be able to.
though sometimes i wake up and i don't feel like myself because i feel that i'm still back in the dream. that happened this morning, especially because it was raining and it was so bleak and felt kind of surreal to be getting up and leaving the house and going to school for the first time in awhile.
i wish i could remember more. that was a terribly unimpressing stockpile of dreams.
another thing i love is clair de lune. this makes me SO happy. the dynamics are astonishingly suddle and yet emotional and i don't know what to do with it. i want to become amazing at it and play it for people and make pictures in their minds. debussy was obsessed with water and it shows through so excellently. "moonlight", which is what clair de lune means, also is pretty relative to the piece. oh oh oh. !!
i forgot the extent to which i cannot stand english. i am sorry that i had to remember.
i am sick of all my classes and most of my teachers and i would really like to move onto next year, but i'm also not ready. HALF DONE with high school? are you kidding? it's quite sudden.
last night i started ranting to myself that i am feeling quite numb, and mumbling under my breath and such things and i made myself cry in the shower by thinking about the saddest things and that didn't really work because i couldn't cry very long. but i do feel numb in a certain aspect. i don't have much to say anymore. it could be the rain. probably not. i don't feel enriched.
but also last night before i fell asleep, i pulled out my "chopin in paris" book and read the introduction and i got very excited to just read someone's words for awhile, and it was all about what the book is going to be about and i was very relaxed and pleased to read about how much of a genius everyone thinks chopin is (and he is) and what sort of a man he was and how it reflected in his work and so now i really want to get on to the book. and i felt a little bit better.
this is not a cry for help. it will get better, i promise, but i have to kickstart myself somewhere along the way.
i started out really excited and wistful and all of those things.
i can't predict anything.
goodnight.
i have told some of you about the one where i had lost my graphing calculator (perhaps it had been stolen) and then found two calculators in my locker but they were both types i didn't need. i feel like i should get something out of this.
in another one, there was some girl that i would never find myself talking to in real life, and i was having a completely normal conversation with her. i am always including people that i never think about in my dreams.
last night, i dreamt that i was in a bathing suit in doyle's house and his kitchen was the exact same as my old one (before we demolished it and built outward) with white speckled black tiles that looked like a starry night sky and black and white tiled walls, and i knew where the phone was without looking because it was my old kitchen, and i called my mom around 12:15 a.m. to get picked up. i think this is because someone mentioned doyle for some reason yesterday.
i really love dreams, as odd as they are, and i wish i could explain these. they're pretty vague, though, so i don't expect i'll ever be able to.
though sometimes i wake up and i don't feel like myself because i feel that i'm still back in the dream. that happened this morning, especially because it was raining and it was so bleak and felt kind of surreal to be getting up and leaving the house and going to school for the first time in awhile.
i wish i could remember more. that was a terribly unimpressing stockpile of dreams.
another thing i love is clair de lune. this makes me SO happy. the dynamics are astonishingly suddle and yet emotional and i don't know what to do with it. i want to become amazing at it and play it for people and make pictures in their minds. debussy was obsessed with water and it shows through so excellently. "moonlight", which is what clair de lune means, also is pretty relative to the piece. oh oh oh. !!
i forgot the extent to which i cannot stand english. i am sorry that i had to remember.
i am sick of all my classes and most of my teachers and i would really like to move onto next year, but i'm also not ready. HALF DONE with high school? are you kidding? it's quite sudden.
last night i started ranting to myself that i am feeling quite numb, and mumbling under my breath and such things and i made myself cry in the shower by thinking about the saddest things and that didn't really work because i couldn't cry very long. but i do feel numb in a certain aspect. i don't have much to say anymore. it could be the rain. probably not. i don't feel enriched.
but also last night before i fell asleep, i pulled out my "chopin in paris" book and read the introduction and i got very excited to just read someone's words for awhile, and it was all about what the book is going to be about and i was very relaxed and pleased to read about how much of a genius everyone thinks chopin is (and he is) and what sort of a man he was and how it reflected in his work and so now i really want to get on to the book. and i felt a little bit better.
this is not a cry for help. it will get better, i promise, but i have to kickstart myself somewhere along the way.
i started out really excited and wistful and all of those things.
i can't predict anything.
goodnight.