The atheist godmother
So my brother asked me to be the godmother of his son. OH. MY. GOD.
Asking an atheist to be the godmother. What the hell is wrong with him? But I can't never say no to him and I'm positive that is why he asked. Damn him.
So know I have to confess my sins. I'm positive that if I tell the truth, that if I tell why I don't believe in god, why I hate religion so much, how religion fucked with me when I was a kid... the priest will say I'm not qualify for it. And my mother will absolutely go mad.
What can I do? Should I tell in confession that I don't believe in god because when I was 7 and confessed that I hit my bones with a hammer until a broke them, the priest told me that that was gods way to give me a chance to purify of my sins? Should I tell him that the reason I despise religion is that when my mother had a miscarriage a few years ago, the priest told her that it was because she was sinful? Or maybe I should tell him the time I told a priest again in confession what I did to myself and his answer was that my soul belong to the devil and the only way I could reach salvation was to say a Holy Father every time I did it.
So then I could lied. I can tell the priest my "sins" and tell him I had lost my way or whatever the fuck they want to hear, that I am bipolar and I used to hurt myself badly... and let him feed me with more lies, with more twisted "truths" that will saved me and will end up making my family happy. But then what? Be the godmother of the child, pretend that I cared about his religious growth when the only thing I will want to do is saved him from it, tried and avoid to let it fucked with him just like it did to me.
Religion fucked with me. Someone told me once that religion is sinful and holy, the further because it was managed by man and the latter because it was created by a holy power. But that's bullshit. I don't believe in it, I don't care for it.
My family is extremely religious. Four aunts and a cousin are nuns, a cousin is a priest. We are expect to believe, for god's sake, we are Mexicans. I know I have let my family down the day I refused to set foot on a church, but it was that or insanity. I know they thing of me like a faithless child, one how is doom to hell. Well, for a long time I lived in hell thanks to those priests that made me thing that I deserved what I was doing to myself because I was evil. Fuck them.
Don't know what to do. Maybe I should talk to my brother and let him know that I can't do it. But is hard... I hate letting people down.
It never gets any easier.
Asking an atheist to be the godmother. What the hell is wrong with him? But I can't never say no to him and I'm positive that is why he asked. Damn him.
So know I have to confess my sins. I'm positive that if I tell the truth, that if I tell why I don't believe in god, why I hate religion so much, how religion fucked with me when I was a kid... the priest will say I'm not qualify for it. And my mother will absolutely go mad.
What can I do? Should I tell in confession that I don't believe in god because when I was 7 and confessed that I hit my bones with a hammer until a broke them, the priest told me that that was gods way to give me a chance to purify of my sins? Should I tell him that the reason I despise religion is that when my mother had a miscarriage a few years ago, the priest told her that it was because she was sinful? Or maybe I should tell him the time I told a priest again in confession what I did to myself and his answer was that my soul belong to the devil and the only way I could reach salvation was to say a Holy Father every time I did it.
So then I could lied. I can tell the priest my "sins" and tell him I had lost my way or whatever the fuck they want to hear, that I am bipolar and I used to hurt myself badly... and let him feed me with more lies, with more twisted "truths" that will saved me and will end up making my family happy. But then what? Be the godmother of the child, pretend that I cared about his religious growth when the only thing I will want to do is saved him from it, tried and avoid to let it fucked with him just like it did to me.
Religion fucked with me. Someone told me once that religion is sinful and holy, the further because it was managed by man and the latter because it was created by a holy power. But that's bullshit. I don't believe in it, I don't care for it.
My family is extremely religious. Four aunts and a cousin are nuns, a cousin is a priest. We are expect to believe, for god's sake, we are Mexicans. I know I have let my family down the day I refused to set foot on a church, but it was that or insanity. I know they thing of me like a faithless child, one how is doom to hell. Well, for a long time I lived in hell thanks to those priests that made me thing that I deserved what I was doing to myself because I was evil. Fuck them.
Don't know what to do. Maybe I should talk to my brother and let him know that I can't do it. But is hard... I hate letting people down.
It never gets any easier.