Fic: Fight For Us
Title: Fight For Us
Author: blackmustache
Rating: PG
Word Count: 4270
Notes: AU follow-up to The Break Up. I wrote most of it in the hiatus between 4.04 and 4.05, therefore obviously the majority of this is completely against what was revealed in canon later. I never got around to finishing it until I found the doc again this week and decided to fix it up and post it anyway.
Summary: A couple of weeks after Kurt and Blaine broke up, Kurt invites Blaine back to the city to talk things through.
Disclaimer: If I actually owned any of these people, I would not be stuck over here in England doing what I do for a living. And I would at the very least have bought a football club by now.
Have you cancelled your flight for next weekend?
Blaine stared at his phone, trying to take in the words on the screen. It was the first communication he'd had from Kurt since leaving the apartment in Bushwick over a week ago.
It took him a while to decide how to respond. He hadn't done anything about his flight yet, of course. While he was under no illusions about whether or not he'd be welcome in the city, cancelling it just seemed so final. And now the unexpected arrival of this message gave him just the tiniest bit of hope, though he knew he had to be careful not to get too excited as Kurt's response could easily be a crushing blow demanding to know why he hadn't done it yet.
No... Not yet - it's not refundable so I didn't rush.
Kurt's reply didn't come immediately, or even in the next couple of hours. He figured Kurt was swamped at work, but it didn't stop him checking his phone every thirty seconds all through lunch and his afternoon classes. He was glad there was no glee rehearsal today. With Finn helping out since Mr Schuester went off to DC, Blaine didn't want risk running into him if there was a chance he knew something about what Kurt wanted.
His phone finally buzzed while he was holed up in his room pretending to concentrate on his Spanish homework, and it took him a minute or two to work up the courage to read it. When he did, he noticed Kurt had sent three messages in quick succession and he sucked in a breath as he opened the conversation.
I think you should still come. If you want to.
I miss you. I don't know if I can forgive you, but I feel like part of me is missing and I need to try.
I need you to stay in a hotel, though. Baby steps? Book something close to my apartment.
Blaine had barely finished reading the last message before he was Googling hotels in Bushwick and booking the cheapest thing he could find that was close to Kurt's apartment. He fished out the credit card that Cooper had given him for emergencies the last time he was home, after the two of them had a heart to heart and Cooper had discovered exactly how much of the time Blaine was being left home alone. He used the card to pay, figuring that Coop would agree that this should be filed under emergency. Five minutes later, his brain kicked in and he cancelled that reservation, replacing it with something a mile away that would be less likely to be the scene of his murder.
He forwarded the details to Kurt with a simple "I'll be there x", but not before spending at least ten minutes debating with himself whether or not to include that kiss. Part of him thought it might look presumptuous, but another part of him - the part that won out in the end - just couldn't bring himself to leave it off.
He spent another hour trying to make some sort of headway with his homework before he gave it up as a lost cause. He'd never skipped an assignment before which had to have earned him some goodwill - especially considering he had once overheard Tina being excused because she'd had a bad reaction to a manicure. He was pretty sure that wasn't even a thing.
Instead he put his books away, changed into his pyjamas and crawled into bed with his phone, hitting dial on Cooper's number.
Cooper picked up on the second ring. "Blainey!"
"He still wants me to go to New York this weekend," Blaine started as soon as Cooper answered. Cooper was the only person who knew everything about the situation and he didn't have the energy to waste time with pleasantries.
"That's good news!" Blaine could practically hear Cooper bouncing up and down. "You should practice what you're going to say. I can rehearse it with you - I'll be Kurt!"
"Cooper, I don't think-"
"Start by telling me how sorry you are. Channel your inner pain."
Blaine sighed. "Coop, I don't have to 'channel' anything. It's permanently there. And it's not so much inner pain as all-consuming self-hatred."
"Even better!"
"You are horrible at this."
"This what?"
"Making me feel better."
"Sometimes you have to go to the dark place, squirt."
"I'm pretty sure going to the dark place is what led me down the path of fucking everything up in the first place."
Cooper went silent on the other end, and Blaine winced. None of this was Cooper's fault, he shouldn't have snapped.
"I don't think I've ever heard you use that word, B."
"Sorry."
"No, it's good." A lot of the childish enthusiasm had disappeared from Cooper's voice and Blaine sat up straighter against the headboard of the bed as he listened. "You tell him that. Tell him you're sorry, and that you know you messed up. Tell him how much you miss him and then you try and start over. As friends first, if that's what it takes."
Blaine just nods, and then follows it up with a quiet, "I guess," when he remembers they're just on the phone and his brother can't see him.
"He wants to see you, Blainey. That's a good sign."
Blaine stayed quiet, leaning back and closing his eyes as he let Cooper's words sink in.
"Blaine?"
"I'm still here," he mumbled, barely louder than a whisper. He cleared his throat before speaking again. "Just- what if he- I mean-"
"Don't, B. Just be prepared for anything. Focus on the here and now, not what either of you might have done in the past. And do whatever it takes - whatever he wants you to do to make it work, you say yes. No saying no to anything."
Something about that sounded familiar in the back of Blaine's head, and his mouth almost twisted into a smile as he remembered why. "Coop, aren't those the things you were taught in the improv class you took last summer?"
Blaine could hear Cooper shuffling around on the other end of the line and then he cleared his throat suspiciously. "No?"
"It is! I remember you trying to practice on me."
"Okay - fine. Yes. They're basic improv rules, but Blaine, they're good rules. They work in life. I use them all the time."
Blaine laughed louder, and he suddenly realised he couldn't remember the last time he really laughed. When he still couldn't stop giggling after thirty seconds or so, Cooper suddenly snorted and then joined in laughing too.
Once they'd both gotten themselves back under control, Blaine smiled. "Thanks, Coop."
"Any time, squirt."
"Don't call me that."
-
By the time Blaine arrived in New York he'd worried so much he'd come full circle. He was actually considering using some of Cooper's advice which was always a worry in any situation let alone one as important as this.
He checked into his hotel and then took a cab to Kurt's apartment, wanting to get there as quickly as possible without adding trying to figure out the subway into the equation.
Sucking in a breath, he knocked on the door and didn't let it out until he heard Kurt fiddling with the locks. The door took what felt like an eternity to open, but when it finally did Blaine couldn't help but smile at Kurt. "Hi."
"Hi." Kurt smiled back, and Blaine didn't think he'd ever been so relieved about anything in his life that it was one of Kurt's genuine, eye-reaching smiles - not one of the smiles he used when he was just trying to be polite. Or one of his sarcastic ones, or one of the thousand other smiles that Blaine could identify instantly. It was one of Blaine's favourites, the real kind that not many people were given the chance to see. Kurt moved aside and Blaine stepped into the apartment, trying to forget about the last time he arrived at this door. That time he'd brought flowers and secrets with him - this time he'd brought neither.
Once the door was closed and safely locked behind them, Kurt turned back to Blaine. "Can I get you a coffee? And then we can talk."
Kurt didn't wait for an answer before busying himself in the kitchen, so Blaine took a moment to take off his coat and drape it neatly over the back of one of the dining chairs. He took a seat at the table, nervously straightening the sleeves of his sweater while he watched Kurt carefully brewing the coffee.
"Here you go," Kurt smiled again, placing the coffee mug in front of Blaine and sitting down in the seat opposite. "So-"
"Kurt, I'm s-" Blaine started at the same time, stopping himself when Kurt held up a hand to interrupt.
"Me first," Kurt bit his lip and Blaine waited for him to continue. "Believe me, there's going to be plenty of time for you to talk. I just - I've practised this a little bit and I kind of need to power through it."
Blaine nodded again, and Kurt took a deep breath. "I should never have let you leave without talking this through properly. The last two weeks have been hell. Every time I've seen something funny, or something sad, or something funny in a sad way or sad in a funny way, I've picked up my phone and been halfway to calling you or texting you before I remembered that I can't. And I hate that. And I know from what I've heard from Finn and Sam and even Tina that you're beating yourself up about it all. So I think that we need to figure out where we can go from here."
He broke eye contact with Blaine, looking down into his coffee, and was quiet for long enough that Blaine was just starting to wonder if it was his turn to talk now when Kurt finally spoke again, his voice quieter. "I need you to tell me what happened. I want to know everything. I don't want you to tell me that it doesn't matter who he is or that it's not important how it happened, because it obviously is. So no matter how painful this is going to be for both of us, you're going to tell me the whole story because as much as I'm still angry and hurt about what you did, I still love you and I can't just leave you hurting. So can you do that for me?" He smiled a little. "You can talk now."
Blaine nodded slowly, mentally scrapping the version of the apology he had planned in advance. "Yeah," he answered, his voice cracking slightly at the start of the word. "I can do that."
Kurt leaned back in his chair and Blaine could tell he was resisting the urge to fold his arms across his chest in case it looked too intimidating. Instead Kurt finally settled with one hand on his coffee mug and the other in his lap, and waited for Blaine to speak.
After a moment or two of silence while Blaine pulled his thoughts together, he finally spoke. "I guess the best place to start is the beginning."
Kurt smiled wryly. "I've heard it usually is."
"You know some of this already, but you want it all, so..." He raised an eyebrow at Kurt and Kurt nodded back at him, encouraging him to continue. "Right. I joined a bunch of clubs after you left - just anything that would fill in the time between the end of school for the day, and being able to come home and Skype with you. Which is where the whole Senior Class President thing came from. But that only helped on school days. On the weekends I was still just bored and lonely.. I tried to find things to do, but it all came back to wishing we were somewhere doing something together. So on a whim, I signed up to volunteer at the animal shelter that Dalton used to have us help out at sometimes. They remembered me from that, and they were happy to have me come and help - I walked a few dogs, cleaned out some cages, helped with a little admin work. I think they just appreciated that I was free labor."
Blaine watched Kurt's face carefully while he was talking. He could tell Kurt was itching to ask questions or push the story along but he also knew Kurt was as good as his word - he was going to let Blaine tell him everything without interruption.
"I think it was my fourth time there, a Sunday afternoon, this guy came in with a puppy he'd almost hit with his car. It had no tags, so he'd brought it in to us. She was the cutest little Labrador and she reminded me of Margaret Thatcher dog, so I basically claimed her as my own little project. The guy who brought her in gave me his number before he left, so that I could let him know if she was okay and if we found her owners."
It was disconcerting talking to Kurt about this in such a matter-of-fact way when all he really wanted to do was grab Kurt's hand and repeat how sorry he was until he was blue in the face. Logically, he knew that Kurt's way actually stood a better chance of them getting through this, but it didn't make it feel any less strange.
"I stopped by the shelter after school on Monday and sent him a couple of texts with updates. One of the days I was there he dropped by to see her, and he suggested we grab a coffee or something. But I said no, because I was looking forward to getting home and Skyping with you."
Kurt looked down at his coffee mug, concentrating on his own fingers instead of looking at Blaine. This was harder than he'd expected - and he hadn't exactly expected puppies and rainbows - but he needed to hear it all so he kept quiet and waited for Blaine to go on.
"A little while after that he started volunteering at the shelter too. I pretty much did nothing but talk about you, so I figured he knew I wasn't available. But then - and this is no way me trying to put any of the blame on you for this, I know it's all my fault, I just-"
"Blaine," Kurt interrupted, patiently. He hesitated slightly and then reached out to touch Blaine's hand. "I know. Just go on."
Blaine froze for a second as he looked down at where Kurt's hand was touching his. As much as Kurt wanted to know everything, he had to get this finished as quickly as possible. "Right. So there were times when all I wanted to do was to talk to you, and you were busy with work or with Rachel or having these amazing adventures, and eventually that kind of overshadowed all of the things I talked about with him. I stopped volunteering because I didn't really want to admit we had problems to anybody at all, and he kept being nice to me and asking things about you. I stopped replying to his texts and eventually he sent me a message telling me that he understood, and that I knew where to find him if things didn't work out with you or if I just wanted a little fun."
"And then?" Kurt pushed, quietly. This was the part he really knew he didn't want to hear at all, but he also knew it was the most important part of putting this behind them.
"And then you hung up while we were talking and I felt like I'd already lost you and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't talk to anybody at school because I love them but they're still all your friends and I just... I needed somebody who doesn't know you. Who doesn't know how amazing and perfect you are. So I logged onto Facebook and unblocked him from my chat contacts, which he took to mean that..." Blaine sucked in a deep breath. "That we were done. He sent me a message inviting me over and it was obvious to me in those few words that he thought it meant I was single now but I ignored it and went anyway because I figured once I got there I'd set him straight and we could just talk."
Kurt bit his lip and kept his fingers resting on Blaine's wrist, as if he knew that was somehow the only thing keeping Blaine talking.
"But I didn't. I got there, and he took my hand and took me upstairs and I just followed him. He kissed me and instead of pushing him away like I knew I should, I kissed him back. But as soon as his hand went under my shirt and I just felt like I'd been punched in the gut. It didn't feel good or right or even like it would help me feel better even just for the couple of hours I was there. I walked right out of the door, drove two blocks so that I wasn't in front of his house any more, cried for ten minutes, drove home, and booked a flight to come and tell you everything. I haven't had any contact with him since and he hasn't tried."
"Okay," Kurt breathed. Blaine looked up, just glad that was done. "Okay. So. That was it, right? One kiss?"
Blaine nodded, and just as he opened his mouth to reply his phone started ringing. It was blaring American Idiot by Green Day and Blaine fumbled to get it out of his jacket pocket. "It's not - um, it's not him," he mumbled. "It's Cooper's ringtone, hold on, I'll switch it off-"
"Wait-" Kurt smiled, holding out out his hand for the phone. "Let me talk to him."
Blaine did as he was told, frowning. Kurt had slowly stopped swooning over Cooper, but it had taken a few months and it was mostly down to the childhood horror stories Blaine had told when Cooper wasn't around. The couple of times Kurt had been over at Blaine's when he'd been talking to Cooper on Skype, Blaine had noticed Kurt couldn't stop grinning to himself as he lurked in the background.
"Hi, Cooper," Kurt started, switching the call to speaker phone and holding it out in front of him so that Blaine could hear too. "It's Kurt."
"Kurt!" Cooper exclaimed, sounding utterly delighted. Blaine buried his head in his hands, certain whatever Cooper was about to say, it couldn't possibly be good. "That's awesome! Where's Blaine? Oh! Is he busy? Like, busy? If I interrupted reunion sex, then-"
"Coop!" Blaine exclaimed. "No, Coop! We're just talking."
"Oh, good, Blainey, you're there. Perfect." Cooper barrelled on with his sentence, completely unaware of the way Blaine's cheeks were now flushed bright red. "Listen, Blaine, Kurt, I need your opinion on something I'm preparing for an audition. I obviously could just ask my roommate but I think this needs fresh eyes. If I email it to you, could you-"
"Sure, Coop," Blaine sighed. Anything to get him off the phone. "Send it over."
"Awesome - I'm sending it now, I'll wait here while you get Kurt's laptop, and then-"
"Oh, what's - sorry - I can't hear you-" Blaine babbled, snatching the phone from Kurt's hand and dropping it in the vase of flowers in the centre of the table.
Both boys stared at the now-dead phone for a minute in silence before Kurt cleared his throat.
"Blaine, did you just-"
"Yeah."
"I mean, you just-"
"I know. It just felt like an awesome dramatic gesture, and I didn't think through the consequences other than getting rid of Cooper and oh my God, Kurt, I'm turning into him!"
Suddenly Kurt guffawed and then rushed to cover his mouth with his hand to hide his smile. "No, you're not. You're definitely not." He rolled up his sleeve and reached into the vase, pulling out the phone and letting the excess water drip into the vase before standing up and heading towards the kitchen area. "Come on, dummy. We can fix this. Bring my laptop and google 'iphone rice trick', and I'll get the rice."
While Kurt rummaged around amongst pots and pans, Blaine headed for the sofa where Kurt's laptop was resting, and powered it up as he walked back towards the kitchen. He was momentarily thrown from his task when he realised that Kurt's wallpaper was still a picture of the two of them, but he managed to ignore it long enough to open up a browser window and do as Kurt had instructed.
By the time the page had loaded, Blaine set the laptop down next to the sink and Kurt raised an eyebrow, pushing it further back against the wall. "I think we've had quite enough of you mixing electronics with water today, don't you?" he smiled, and Blaine let out a small laugh.
He leant against the counter and watched Kurt referring back to the online instructions occasionally as he filled a Tupperware container with rice and checked he'd done all he could to prepare the phone. Once the phone was submerged in the rice and the lid clicked shut, Kurt handed the box to Blaine. "Here," he smiled. "Take this into the bedroom and hide it between the good towels."
Blaine nodded and headed for the chest of drawers beside Kurt's bed. He knew Kurt kept the towels in the bottom drawer, and he knew they'd been dubbed the 'good towels' because they were the ones he kept hidden from Rachel. He pulled open the bottom drawer, remembering clearly the day Kurt had finally gotten his things in order and had giddily given Blaine a 360 degree tour over Skype.
He nestled the box carefully between two of the fluffiest towels and was just closing the drawer when he heard Kurt step up behind him. Before he could decide what to say, Kurt tapped him on the shoulder.
"So I've been thinking," Kurt started, reaching for Blaine's hand and helping him to his feet. "I can't excuse what you did. It hurt more than I ever thought possible, and I've been hurt a lot." Blaine thought for a second that his heart had stopped, until he forced himself to breathe and reminded himself that couldn't possibly be true or he wouldn't still be standing there. And Kurt was still talking so he needed to be listening now. "But I want to forgive you. I miss you too much to just give up on us."
A happy little "oh!" escaped Blaine's mouth before Kurt leant forward and pressed his lips to Blaine's. It was brief, but it was enough for Blaine's fingers to tingle with a warmth he hadn't realised he'd been missing and Kurt smiled, resting their foreheads together.
"We have to work hard, though. I know I wasn't completely blameless. I can't promise I'll always have more time to talk because work is insane right now, but I promise to make more effort to get around it. If you're feeling neglected and I can't answer my phone, email me. Tell me how you feel. Because I always want to know how you feel, okay?"
Blaine nodded, trying to stop tears from welling up in his eyes. He knew it was an impossible task to stop them entirely, but he blinked them back for now. "Yes. I can do that."
Kurt smiled again. "And if you need something to keep you busy on the weekends, go down to the tire shop. My dad isn't always there right now, but if he's not, Finn should be. I know cars aren't exactly your thing but there's always somebody there who'll be happy to see you. I know for a fact my dad's been missing you these last two weeks, even though he didn't think it was appropriate to say so."
"Okay."
"Now," Kurt started quietly, reaching his hand up to Blaine's cheek and running his thumb over the soft skin beneath Blaine's eye. "You look like you've been sleeping as well as I have. Let's lie down."
Blaine let Kurt tug on his hand and pull him over onto the bed, and they settled down on top of the covers with Kurt on his back and Blaine snuggled up beside him, his hand on Kurt's chest. He shifted so that his mouth was beside Kurt's ear and whispered, "I always sleep better when you're with me."
Kurt smiled and turned his head towards Blaine. "Me too."
Kurt was almost asleep the next time Blaine spoke. "My things are all at the hotel."
"Oh, you're still going to be sleeping at the hotel," Kurt murmured, and he felt Blaine tense up beside him. Opening his eyes he smiled again, running his hand down Blaine's arm. "But I'll be there with you. We don't want Rachel and Brody's brand new sexcapades getting in the way of our reunion, right?"
Author: blackmustache
Rating: PG
Word Count: 4270
Notes: AU follow-up to The Break Up. I wrote most of it in the hiatus between 4.04 and 4.05, therefore obviously the majority of this is completely against what was revealed in canon later. I never got around to finishing it until I found the doc again this week and decided to fix it up and post it anyway.
Summary: A couple of weeks after Kurt and Blaine broke up, Kurt invites Blaine back to the city to talk things through.
Disclaimer: If I actually owned any of these people, I would not be stuck over here in England doing what I do for a living. And I would at the very least have bought a football club by now.
Have you cancelled your flight for next weekend?
Blaine stared at his phone, trying to take in the words on the screen. It was the first communication he'd had from Kurt since leaving the apartment in Bushwick over a week ago.
It took him a while to decide how to respond. He hadn't done anything about his flight yet, of course. While he was under no illusions about whether or not he'd be welcome in the city, cancelling it just seemed so final. And now the unexpected arrival of this message gave him just the tiniest bit of hope, though he knew he had to be careful not to get too excited as Kurt's response could easily be a crushing blow demanding to know why he hadn't done it yet.
No... Not yet - it's not refundable so I didn't rush.
Kurt's reply didn't come immediately, or even in the next couple of hours. He figured Kurt was swamped at work, but it didn't stop him checking his phone every thirty seconds all through lunch and his afternoon classes. He was glad there was no glee rehearsal today. With Finn helping out since Mr Schuester went off to DC, Blaine didn't want risk running into him if there was a chance he knew something about what Kurt wanted.
His phone finally buzzed while he was holed up in his room pretending to concentrate on his Spanish homework, and it took him a minute or two to work up the courage to read it. When he did, he noticed Kurt had sent three messages in quick succession and he sucked in a breath as he opened the conversation.
I think you should still come. If you want to.
I miss you. I don't know if I can forgive you, but I feel like part of me is missing and I need to try.
I need you to stay in a hotel, though. Baby steps? Book something close to my apartment.
Blaine had barely finished reading the last message before he was Googling hotels in Bushwick and booking the cheapest thing he could find that was close to Kurt's apartment. He fished out the credit card that Cooper had given him for emergencies the last time he was home, after the two of them had a heart to heart and Cooper had discovered exactly how much of the time Blaine was being left home alone. He used the card to pay, figuring that Coop would agree that this should be filed under emergency. Five minutes later, his brain kicked in and he cancelled that reservation, replacing it with something a mile away that would be less likely to be the scene of his murder.
He forwarded the details to Kurt with a simple "I'll be there x", but not before spending at least ten minutes debating with himself whether or not to include that kiss. Part of him thought it might look presumptuous, but another part of him - the part that won out in the end - just couldn't bring himself to leave it off.
He spent another hour trying to make some sort of headway with his homework before he gave it up as a lost cause. He'd never skipped an assignment before which had to have earned him some goodwill - especially considering he had once overheard Tina being excused because she'd had a bad reaction to a manicure. He was pretty sure that wasn't even a thing.
Instead he put his books away, changed into his pyjamas and crawled into bed with his phone, hitting dial on Cooper's number.
Cooper picked up on the second ring. "Blainey!"
"He still wants me to go to New York this weekend," Blaine started as soon as Cooper answered. Cooper was the only person who knew everything about the situation and he didn't have the energy to waste time with pleasantries.
"That's good news!" Blaine could practically hear Cooper bouncing up and down. "You should practice what you're going to say. I can rehearse it with you - I'll be Kurt!"
"Cooper, I don't think-"
"Start by telling me how sorry you are. Channel your inner pain."
Blaine sighed. "Coop, I don't have to 'channel' anything. It's permanently there. And it's not so much inner pain as all-consuming self-hatred."
"Even better!"
"You are horrible at this."
"This what?"
"Making me feel better."
"Sometimes you have to go to the dark place, squirt."
"I'm pretty sure going to the dark place is what led me down the path of fucking everything up in the first place."
Cooper went silent on the other end, and Blaine winced. None of this was Cooper's fault, he shouldn't have snapped.
"I don't think I've ever heard you use that word, B."
"Sorry."
"No, it's good." A lot of the childish enthusiasm had disappeared from Cooper's voice and Blaine sat up straighter against the headboard of the bed as he listened. "You tell him that. Tell him you're sorry, and that you know you messed up. Tell him how much you miss him and then you try and start over. As friends first, if that's what it takes."
Blaine just nods, and then follows it up with a quiet, "I guess," when he remembers they're just on the phone and his brother can't see him.
"He wants to see you, Blainey. That's a good sign."
Blaine stayed quiet, leaning back and closing his eyes as he let Cooper's words sink in.
"Blaine?"
"I'm still here," he mumbled, barely louder than a whisper. He cleared his throat before speaking again. "Just- what if he- I mean-"
"Don't, B. Just be prepared for anything. Focus on the here and now, not what either of you might have done in the past. And do whatever it takes - whatever he wants you to do to make it work, you say yes. No saying no to anything."
Something about that sounded familiar in the back of Blaine's head, and his mouth almost twisted into a smile as he remembered why. "Coop, aren't those the things you were taught in the improv class you took last summer?"
Blaine could hear Cooper shuffling around on the other end of the line and then he cleared his throat suspiciously. "No?"
"It is! I remember you trying to practice on me."
"Okay - fine. Yes. They're basic improv rules, but Blaine, they're good rules. They work in life. I use them all the time."
Blaine laughed louder, and he suddenly realised he couldn't remember the last time he really laughed. When he still couldn't stop giggling after thirty seconds or so, Cooper suddenly snorted and then joined in laughing too.
Once they'd both gotten themselves back under control, Blaine smiled. "Thanks, Coop."
"Any time, squirt."
"Don't call me that."
-
By the time Blaine arrived in New York he'd worried so much he'd come full circle. He was actually considering using some of Cooper's advice which was always a worry in any situation let alone one as important as this.
He checked into his hotel and then took a cab to Kurt's apartment, wanting to get there as quickly as possible without adding trying to figure out the subway into the equation.
Sucking in a breath, he knocked on the door and didn't let it out until he heard Kurt fiddling with the locks. The door took what felt like an eternity to open, but when it finally did Blaine couldn't help but smile at Kurt. "Hi."
"Hi." Kurt smiled back, and Blaine didn't think he'd ever been so relieved about anything in his life that it was one of Kurt's genuine, eye-reaching smiles - not one of the smiles he used when he was just trying to be polite. Or one of his sarcastic ones, or one of the thousand other smiles that Blaine could identify instantly. It was one of Blaine's favourites, the real kind that not many people were given the chance to see. Kurt moved aside and Blaine stepped into the apartment, trying to forget about the last time he arrived at this door. That time he'd brought flowers and secrets with him - this time he'd brought neither.
Once the door was closed and safely locked behind them, Kurt turned back to Blaine. "Can I get you a coffee? And then we can talk."
Kurt didn't wait for an answer before busying himself in the kitchen, so Blaine took a moment to take off his coat and drape it neatly over the back of one of the dining chairs. He took a seat at the table, nervously straightening the sleeves of his sweater while he watched Kurt carefully brewing the coffee.
"Here you go," Kurt smiled again, placing the coffee mug in front of Blaine and sitting down in the seat opposite. "So-"
"Kurt, I'm s-" Blaine started at the same time, stopping himself when Kurt held up a hand to interrupt.
"Me first," Kurt bit his lip and Blaine waited for him to continue. "Believe me, there's going to be plenty of time for you to talk. I just - I've practised this a little bit and I kind of need to power through it."
Blaine nodded again, and Kurt took a deep breath. "I should never have let you leave without talking this through properly. The last two weeks have been hell. Every time I've seen something funny, or something sad, or something funny in a sad way or sad in a funny way, I've picked up my phone and been halfway to calling you or texting you before I remembered that I can't. And I hate that. And I know from what I've heard from Finn and Sam and even Tina that you're beating yourself up about it all. So I think that we need to figure out where we can go from here."
He broke eye contact with Blaine, looking down into his coffee, and was quiet for long enough that Blaine was just starting to wonder if it was his turn to talk now when Kurt finally spoke again, his voice quieter. "I need you to tell me what happened. I want to know everything. I don't want you to tell me that it doesn't matter who he is or that it's not important how it happened, because it obviously is. So no matter how painful this is going to be for both of us, you're going to tell me the whole story because as much as I'm still angry and hurt about what you did, I still love you and I can't just leave you hurting. So can you do that for me?" He smiled a little. "You can talk now."
Blaine nodded slowly, mentally scrapping the version of the apology he had planned in advance. "Yeah," he answered, his voice cracking slightly at the start of the word. "I can do that."
Kurt leaned back in his chair and Blaine could tell he was resisting the urge to fold his arms across his chest in case it looked too intimidating. Instead Kurt finally settled with one hand on his coffee mug and the other in his lap, and waited for Blaine to speak.
After a moment or two of silence while Blaine pulled his thoughts together, he finally spoke. "I guess the best place to start is the beginning."
Kurt smiled wryly. "I've heard it usually is."
"You know some of this already, but you want it all, so..." He raised an eyebrow at Kurt and Kurt nodded back at him, encouraging him to continue. "Right. I joined a bunch of clubs after you left - just anything that would fill in the time between the end of school for the day, and being able to come home and Skype with you. Which is where the whole Senior Class President thing came from. But that only helped on school days. On the weekends I was still just bored and lonely.. I tried to find things to do, but it all came back to wishing we were somewhere doing something together. So on a whim, I signed up to volunteer at the animal shelter that Dalton used to have us help out at sometimes. They remembered me from that, and they were happy to have me come and help - I walked a few dogs, cleaned out some cages, helped with a little admin work. I think they just appreciated that I was free labor."
Blaine watched Kurt's face carefully while he was talking. He could tell Kurt was itching to ask questions or push the story along but he also knew Kurt was as good as his word - he was going to let Blaine tell him everything without interruption.
"I think it was my fourth time there, a Sunday afternoon, this guy came in with a puppy he'd almost hit with his car. It had no tags, so he'd brought it in to us. She was the cutest little Labrador and she reminded me of Margaret Thatcher dog, so I basically claimed her as my own little project. The guy who brought her in gave me his number before he left, so that I could let him know if she was okay and if we found her owners."
It was disconcerting talking to Kurt about this in such a matter-of-fact way when all he really wanted to do was grab Kurt's hand and repeat how sorry he was until he was blue in the face. Logically, he knew that Kurt's way actually stood a better chance of them getting through this, but it didn't make it feel any less strange.
"I stopped by the shelter after school on Monday and sent him a couple of texts with updates. One of the days I was there he dropped by to see her, and he suggested we grab a coffee or something. But I said no, because I was looking forward to getting home and Skyping with you."
Kurt looked down at his coffee mug, concentrating on his own fingers instead of looking at Blaine. This was harder than he'd expected - and he hadn't exactly expected puppies and rainbows - but he needed to hear it all so he kept quiet and waited for Blaine to go on.
"A little while after that he started volunteering at the shelter too. I pretty much did nothing but talk about you, so I figured he knew I wasn't available. But then - and this is no way me trying to put any of the blame on you for this, I know it's all my fault, I just-"
"Blaine," Kurt interrupted, patiently. He hesitated slightly and then reached out to touch Blaine's hand. "I know. Just go on."
Blaine froze for a second as he looked down at where Kurt's hand was touching his. As much as Kurt wanted to know everything, he had to get this finished as quickly as possible. "Right. So there were times when all I wanted to do was to talk to you, and you were busy with work or with Rachel or having these amazing adventures, and eventually that kind of overshadowed all of the things I talked about with him. I stopped volunteering because I didn't really want to admit we had problems to anybody at all, and he kept being nice to me and asking things about you. I stopped replying to his texts and eventually he sent me a message telling me that he understood, and that I knew where to find him if things didn't work out with you or if I just wanted a little fun."
"And then?" Kurt pushed, quietly. This was the part he really knew he didn't want to hear at all, but he also knew it was the most important part of putting this behind them.
"And then you hung up while we were talking and I felt like I'd already lost you and I couldn't breathe. I couldn't talk to anybody at school because I love them but they're still all your friends and I just... I needed somebody who doesn't know you. Who doesn't know how amazing and perfect you are. So I logged onto Facebook and unblocked him from my chat contacts, which he took to mean that..." Blaine sucked in a deep breath. "That we were done. He sent me a message inviting me over and it was obvious to me in those few words that he thought it meant I was single now but I ignored it and went anyway because I figured once I got there I'd set him straight and we could just talk."
Kurt bit his lip and kept his fingers resting on Blaine's wrist, as if he knew that was somehow the only thing keeping Blaine talking.
"But I didn't. I got there, and he took my hand and took me upstairs and I just followed him. He kissed me and instead of pushing him away like I knew I should, I kissed him back. But as soon as his hand went under my shirt and I just felt like I'd been punched in the gut. It didn't feel good or right or even like it would help me feel better even just for the couple of hours I was there. I walked right out of the door, drove two blocks so that I wasn't in front of his house any more, cried for ten minutes, drove home, and booked a flight to come and tell you everything. I haven't had any contact with him since and he hasn't tried."
"Okay," Kurt breathed. Blaine looked up, just glad that was done. "Okay. So. That was it, right? One kiss?"
Blaine nodded, and just as he opened his mouth to reply his phone started ringing. It was blaring American Idiot by Green Day and Blaine fumbled to get it out of his jacket pocket. "It's not - um, it's not him," he mumbled. "It's Cooper's ringtone, hold on, I'll switch it off-"
"Wait-" Kurt smiled, holding out out his hand for the phone. "Let me talk to him."
Blaine did as he was told, frowning. Kurt had slowly stopped swooning over Cooper, but it had taken a few months and it was mostly down to the childhood horror stories Blaine had told when Cooper wasn't around. The couple of times Kurt had been over at Blaine's when he'd been talking to Cooper on Skype, Blaine had noticed Kurt couldn't stop grinning to himself as he lurked in the background.
"Hi, Cooper," Kurt started, switching the call to speaker phone and holding it out in front of him so that Blaine could hear too. "It's Kurt."
"Kurt!" Cooper exclaimed, sounding utterly delighted. Blaine buried his head in his hands, certain whatever Cooper was about to say, it couldn't possibly be good. "That's awesome! Where's Blaine? Oh! Is he busy? Like, busy? If I interrupted reunion sex, then-"
"Coop!" Blaine exclaimed. "No, Coop! We're just talking."
"Oh, good, Blainey, you're there. Perfect." Cooper barrelled on with his sentence, completely unaware of the way Blaine's cheeks were now flushed bright red. "Listen, Blaine, Kurt, I need your opinion on something I'm preparing for an audition. I obviously could just ask my roommate but I think this needs fresh eyes. If I email it to you, could you-"
"Sure, Coop," Blaine sighed. Anything to get him off the phone. "Send it over."
"Awesome - I'm sending it now, I'll wait here while you get Kurt's laptop, and then-"
"Oh, what's - sorry - I can't hear you-" Blaine babbled, snatching the phone from Kurt's hand and dropping it in the vase of flowers in the centre of the table.
Both boys stared at the now-dead phone for a minute in silence before Kurt cleared his throat.
"Blaine, did you just-"
"Yeah."
"I mean, you just-"
"I know. It just felt like an awesome dramatic gesture, and I didn't think through the consequences other than getting rid of Cooper and oh my God, Kurt, I'm turning into him!"
Suddenly Kurt guffawed and then rushed to cover his mouth with his hand to hide his smile. "No, you're not. You're definitely not." He rolled up his sleeve and reached into the vase, pulling out the phone and letting the excess water drip into the vase before standing up and heading towards the kitchen area. "Come on, dummy. We can fix this. Bring my laptop and google 'iphone rice trick', and I'll get the rice."
While Kurt rummaged around amongst pots and pans, Blaine headed for the sofa where Kurt's laptop was resting, and powered it up as he walked back towards the kitchen. He was momentarily thrown from his task when he realised that Kurt's wallpaper was still a picture of the two of them, but he managed to ignore it long enough to open up a browser window and do as Kurt had instructed.
By the time the page had loaded, Blaine set the laptop down next to the sink and Kurt raised an eyebrow, pushing it further back against the wall. "I think we've had quite enough of you mixing electronics with water today, don't you?" he smiled, and Blaine let out a small laugh.
He leant against the counter and watched Kurt referring back to the online instructions occasionally as he filled a Tupperware container with rice and checked he'd done all he could to prepare the phone. Once the phone was submerged in the rice and the lid clicked shut, Kurt handed the box to Blaine. "Here," he smiled. "Take this into the bedroom and hide it between the good towels."
Blaine nodded and headed for the chest of drawers beside Kurt's bed. He knew Kurt kept the towels in the bottom drawer, and he knew they'd been dubbed the 'good towels' because they were the ones he kept hidden from Rachel. He pulled open the bottom drawer, remembering clearly the day Kurt had finally gotten his things in order and had giddily given Blaine a 360 degree tour over Skype.
He nestled the box carefully between two of the fluffiest towels and was just closing the drawer when he heard Kurt step up behind him. Before he could decide what to say, Kurt tapped him on the shoulder.
"So I've been thinking," Kurt started, reaching for Blaine's hand and helping him to his feet. "I can't excuse what you did. It hurt more than I ever thought possible, and I've been hurt a lot." Blaine thought for a second that his heart had stopped, until he forced himself to breathe and reminded himself that couldn't possibly be true or he wouldn't still be standing there. And Kurt was still talking so he needed to be listening now. "But I want to forgive you. I miss you too much to just give up on us."
A happy little "oh!" escaped Blaine's mouth before Kurt leant forward and pressed his lips to Blaine's. It was brief, but it was enough for Blaine's fingers to tingle with a warmth he hadn't realised he'd been missing and Kurt smiled, resting their foreheads together.
"We have to work hard, though. I know I wasn't completely blameless. I can't promise I'll always have more time to talk because work is insane right now, but I promise to make more effort to get around it. If you're feeling neglected and I can't answer my phone, email me. Tell me how you feel. Because I always want to know how you feel, okay?"
Blaine nodded, trying to stop tears from welling up in his eyes. He knew it was an impossible task to stop them entirely, but he blinked them back for now. "Yes. I can do that."
Kurt smiled again. "And if you need something to keep you busy on the weekends, go down to the tire shop. My dad isn't always there right now, but if he's not, Finn should be. I know cars aren't exactly your thing but there's always somebody there who'll be happy to see you. I know for a fact my dad's been missing you these last two weeks, even though he didn't think it was appropriate to say so."
"Okay."
"Now," Kurt started quietly, reaching his hand up to Blaine's cheek and running his thumb over the soft skin beneath Blaine's eye. "You look like you've been sleeping as well as I have. Let's lie down."
Blaine let Kurt tug on his hand and pull him over onto the bed, and they settled down on top of the covers with Kurt on his back and Blaine snuggled up beside him, his hand on Kurt's chest. He shifted so that his mouth was beside Kurt's ear and whispered, "I always sleep better when you're with me."
Kurt smiled and turned his head towards Blaine. "Me too."
Kurt was almost asleep the next time Blaine spoke. "My things are all at the hotel."
"Oh, you're still going to be sleeping at the hotel," Kurt murmured, and he felt Blaine tense up beside him. Opening his eyes he smiled again, running his hand down Blaine's arm. "But I'll be there with you. We don't want Rachel and Brody's brand new sexcapades getting in the way of our reunion, right?"