Word, dawg. (Contains swears! Noes!)
Okay, this is pretty much pointless, but I seem to have developed a new line in Surrealist Rapping. Really, check these, ahem, phat rymes out.
Oh, and note: This isn't serious rap. At all.
(Coming back after someone took a shot at a typo I made)
My spelling went and took a hit,
Even in clone school I failed at it,
Never went to English, took Sniping instead,
Who needs a semi-colon when there's a HP in yo head?
(When some lippy fucker just said 'Word'.)
...is the word. A word with four letters.
When it comes to them bees, there ain' no better.
Yeah, I said I couldn't spell, but fuck it, I cheated,
Seven years on the Pre-School team, undefeated.
(A little something on paedophilia, cosmology and Imperialist invasion.)
Paedophile, chased up tha Nile,
Gettin' his arse chomped by a right-wing crocodile,
Bitches worshipped cats and built pyramids,
But only tha Aztecs knew what time it is,
'Cause they established a solar calendar,
Their astrology was superior,
But then along came the Conquistadors,
Came in the name of God as they screwed their whores,
Stole all their shit, gave 'em the plague,
Then jacked off home to a hero's parade,
So what's the moral of this tale, what's made this worthwhile?
The answer's simple, nigga, don't be paedophile.
(Sticky keys and skullfucking.)
Some people say it twice for emphasis,
Other just do it because the 's' key sticks,
I just do it to pad out my licks,
Fill that quota to make sure my shit fits.
I once read the dictionary from A to Z,
By the time I hit 'Total', I'd lost my grip on reality,
Verbs and Nouns, Colloquialisms an' shit,
I'd tickle your vocabulary like a Ho tickles clit.
I gatecrashed a party in 96,
Realised too late it was Quantum Physics,
I'd missed my turning and pulled up at Virginia Tech,
Thought 'Fuck it', pulled out my pencil and started to sketch.
Within half an hour, I'd mastered entropy,
The universe collpasing into a singularity,
So life is futile and all efforts are defunct,
That won't stop me from lighting up a blunt.
So we all got high and talked about God,
Beat down this Fundie who went by the name of Rod,
He said fags should die and abortions shold be illegal,
Hated everyone who weren't his type of people.
So we tied him to a chair and fucked him in the eye,
I started on his ear and someone asked me why,
I shot him a look then I went on to explain,
'The eye may be tight, but now I can fuck his brain.'
(And finally, some observations on Pokemon.)
Y'all talk about Seaking like he's hot shit,
Am I the only one who's got a problem with it?
When I comes to Pokemon, I ain't a fan,
But when the chips are down, I'm a Marowak man.
Keep your Gastlys, your J-Puffs and your Lapras,
My money's on the one who can kick the most ass.
Swinging a bone like he's Ben Kinobi,
No Jedi mind tricks here, he's the one and only.
So screw your Seaking, sushi-fy the bitch,
'Cause Marowak's got that murderin' itch.
Oh, and note: This isn't serious rap. At all.
(Coming back after someone took a shot at a typo I made)
My spelling went and took a hit,
Even in clone school I failed at it,
Never went to English, took Sniping instead,
Who needs a semi-colon when there's a HP in yo head?
(When some lippy fucker just said 'Word'.)
...is the word. A word with four letters.
When it comes to them bees, there ain' no better.
Yeah, I said I couldn't spell, but fuck it, I cheated,
Seven years on the Pre-School team, undefeated.
(A little something on paedophilia, cosmology and Imperialist invasion.)
Paedophile, chased up tha Nile,
Gettin' his arse chomped by a right-wing crocodile,
Bitches worshipped cats and built pyramids,
But only tha Aztecs knew what time it is,
'Cause they established a solar calendar,
Their astrology was superior,
But then along came the Conquistadors,
Came in the name of God as they screwed their whores,
Stole all their shit, gave 'em the plague,
Then jacked off home to a hero's parade,
So what's the moral of this tale, what's made this worthwhile?
The answer's simple, nigga, don't be paedophile.
(Sticky keys and skullfucking.)
Some people say it twice for emphasis,
Other just do it because the 's' key sticks,
I just do it to pad out my licks,
Fill that quota to make sure my shit fits.
I once read the dictionary from A to Z,
By the time I hit 'Total', I'd lost my grip on reality,
Verbs and Nouns, Colloquialisms an' shit,
I'd tickle your vocabulary like a Ho tickles clit.
I gatecrashed a party in 96,
Realised too late it was Quantum Physics,
I'd missed my turning and pulled up at Virginia Tech,
Thought 'Fuck it', pulled out my pencil and started to sketch.
Within half an hour, I'd mastered entropy,
The universe collpasing into a singularity,
So life is futile and all efforts are defunct,
That won't stop me from lighting up a blunt.
So we all got high and talked about God,
Beat down this Fundie who went by the name of Rod,
He said fags should die and abortions shold be illegal,
Hated everyone who weren't his type of people.
So we tied him to a chair and fucked him in the eye,
I started on his ear and someone asked me why,
I shot him a look then I went on to explain,
'The eye may be tight, but now I can fuck his brain.'
(And finally, some observations on Pokemon.)
Y'all talk about Seaking like he's hot shit,
Am I the only one who's got a problem with it?
When I comes to Pokemon, I ain't a fan,
But when the chips are down, I'm a Marowak man.
Keep your Gastlys, your J-Puffs and your Lapras,
My money's on the one who can kick the most ass.
Swinging a bone like he's Ben Kinobi,
No Jedi mind tricks here, he's the one and only.
So screw your Seaking, sushi-fy the bitch,
'Cause Marowak's got that murderin' itch.