Feb 01, 2008 22:19
Boyfriend Application
fill out the following to the best of your ability, all references will be checked!
Full name: Keith Allen Badje
Age: 26
Height: 6'1
Weight: Bounces between 185-195. Used to bounce between 175-185. The curse of my family is kicking in, folks.
Eye Color: Blue
Measurements: 36 X 32, or sometimes 34 x 34, or sometimes 36 x 34. Usually large T-Shirts, but I'll wear XL too.
Natural hair color and current hair color if different: Blonde.
Location: Wheat Ridge, Colorado.
How "experienced" are you? Just enough to be jaded and bitter, but not enough to have the wheels fall off entirely.
Do you use any substances? Caffeine, Nicotine, certain forms of alcohol, tea leaf green shampoo and conditioner, deodorant.
Do you work out? A couple times a week. Just enough for it to have absolutely zero effect.
Are you religious? Not at all.
What is your political persuasion? OBAMA 2008!
Best feature: Eyes. Some people are starting to like my pecs, especially if they're of the slightly creepy 40 year old pothead persuasion.
Strangest thing ever done: I do small strange things daily. Wait until you see me bring out the goth line dance at your mother's funeral!
Nicest/least selfish thing ever done: You try answering that before you ask someone else to. Hard question, eh?
On a scale of 1 - 10 how spontaneous are you: 3
Rate yourself on a scale of 1 - 10: 5. Average looks, slightly above median income, slightly below median vehicle.
Sexiest thing about you: The way I get excited about things I care about.
Least sexy thing about you: The way I get excited about things I care about.
Top or Bottom? Top
Strangest place you ever had sex: This is truly sad, but it's always been in beds or on couches. I'm open to changing that, though!
Hobbies: Developing deep opinions on arcane subjects. Bitching about work. Chain-smoking. Shopping. Reading.
Favorite music: 90's Britpop, Triphop, crappy teenybopper pop songs...I'm pissed at the moment because I've had "I Want You" and "To the Moon and Back" by Savage Garden stuck in my head for DAYS, and you can't buy it on iTunes. Jesus, you're Savage Garden...I know the two of you hate each other, but get it together enough to toss your crap on iTunes. And don't pull that "our music should be listened to in a full album sequence" shit either. You're not Rush, and it's actually pretty stupid when they do it too. (Proof of hobbies)
What do you like most about me: I don't know you well enough to know that yet. For all I know, you're a total douche.
What would you do on our first date: Coffee, because if you are a total douche I want to be able to run away quickly.
What makes you so special: I'm probably the most honest boyfriend you'll ever have, whether you like it or not.
1. How many people have you had sex with in 2007? 7. I broke a record!
2. Weed, coke, crack, heroin, oxy, acid, x, k, peyote, mushrooms, opium, hash....out of these 12 drugs how many have you done? Just weed, but I think it was laced with cocaine the only time I enjoyed it. And it was years ago, like "back in the 90's" years ago.
3. Ever cheated on a BF? Never kept one for very long, so it's not like I could.
4. Ever paid for sex? Only with my dignity.
5. Ever been married? Nope.
6. Ever been divorced? Nope.
7. If you had to pick one whats your favorite sexual position? Just ride me all night long, baby!
8. Do you own any guns? Nope.
9. Craziest place you ever had sex? Wasn't this asked already?
10. Ever been to rehab? Nope. Rehab is for quitters. I do adore that show "Intervention" though. Especially when drunk.
11. Ever have a 3 some? No, but I would like to try it at least ONCE before settling down.
12. Ever have sex with anyone that you met on myspace? Connexion. Manhunt. Squirt. But never MySpace.
13. What size is your dick? Lets just say I've had no complaints and more than a few compliments.
14. Do you think Arnold could beat up Chuck Norris? What the FUCK does THAT have to do with anything, and why the hell should it have any bearing on what kind of boyfriend I would be? Christ, they're both Republicans, both ex-celebrities, and both old as hell. They probably like each other.
15. What celebrity would you want to have sex with? Jon Hamm. Daniel Craig. The lead singer of Avenged Sevenfold (not that it makes up for their music).
16. Ever been unemployed for over a year since becoming an adult? I'd be dead if that happened.
17. How many states have you lived in? Two.
18. How many countries have you lived in? One.
19. Do you keep a weapon under or next to your bed at night? No. I'm not that afraid of my own shadow.
20. What celebrity would you want to beat up if you had the chance? Rosie O'Donnell. She pisses me off.
21. Ever rolled into the harsh ghetto to buy drugs? No. And who uses terms like "harsh ghetto," for fucks sake?
22. Do you enjoy sex with or without condoms? With, at least until we're both tested, clean, and monogamous.
23. Ever been paid for sex? I wish I was that good...
24. Would you do "Dave the Goofy Professor" from GoofyAuctions.com? I'd check to see, but the fact that his name is "Dave the Goofy Professor" and is on a site called GoofyAuctions.com pretty much seals the deal as no.
25. Ever hired a PI to follow someone? I do my own stalking, thank you.
26. Ever f*cked a friends bf/gf? LOL. No.
27. Do you prefer a partner with a tongue/nipple/private piercing? I don't mind nipple piercings, but tounge piercings signal "bad at oral sex," and private piercings are pointless.
28. How many times a week do you masturbate? 7 or so.
30. Ever watch someone die? Slowly, yes. But the final throes? No.
31. How long has it been since you had sex? 3 months, almost.
32. Name your favorite Beer? Shiner Bock
33. Do you have a sexual fantasy? A lot of them, which you'll be privy too if you're my boyfriend. :)
34. Ever gone to jail for 10 days or longer? Never been to jail.
35. Anyone on myspace you want to f*ck? I'm sure I could find someone. If I haven't done 'em already.