My Novel to You
Ive been sitting here for awhile, thinking. About many things all of which I won't tell here. But I feel the need to say some things and let everything out. This will be a fairly long journal so if you dont care then stop reading now. Basically i wanted to analyse my life so you, my friends could better understand me. This will probably be the last journal i do for a very long time, so i got a lot to say. So lets begin.........I am 17 years old and all my life i have been pretty much average. I am, i like to think, average looking, and i am of average intelligence, i used to think i was smart, but i now realize there are many way smarter than me. I have drank alcohol before, and i have also smoked, i have wanted to smoke more but for many reasons, mainly the person i have been around for the past couple of weeks that didnt care for cigarettes, i have not, i think now i will start again at least for awhile. My family is a mixed group. My parents have been divorced since i was 3. I used to stay with my mom and was forced to go to my dads 2 days out of the week. Now that i am older i come and go as i please. My mom, whom i live with, lives in a trailor, not a house, shes very poor and doesnt even have an income right now. I pretty much support myself. Im actually, though i dont like to admit it, very mean to my mom, i talk down on her all the time, even my friends say im too rough with her. In our relationship im pretty much the parent not her. Shes actually very sick, she has had a whole lot of illnesses for a long time, she takes some kind of kemo type treatment for them. I think the reason im so mean to her is to hide how scared i am for her, she in fact could die at pretty much any time, although she probably wont. This is something she has only told me and my older brother. I lover her a lot. Now lets move to dad, he lives in a big house, with lots of money, but i choose not to live with him. Hes not really a dad, more of a friend, and as a friend we get into fights a lot. I think he has always been a little dissapointed in me cause i wasnt some football jock in school like my older brother. My older brother i actually look up to a lot. He was a jock, very strong, and went to war, just got back a little while ago. Its not his fault but i feel like im always in his shadow. Thats my family next comes my friends. I am going to be truthful so dont be offended. Lets start with Lucky, he pretty much is a member of my family, because he is living with me and my mom. Hes really got it shitty, so i try to help him out however i can. We get on each others nerves, but hes really one of my best friends. Now lets go to Andrew, my other best friend. Switch the scenario with him, hes got it a hell of a lot better than me and just about everybody else i know, he doesnt realize this but he really does. I am pretty much a bum that hangs out at his house all the time. I kinda look up to andrew in a way and i really respect and love his parents as if they were my own, the three have truly been the nicest people to me of anybody and i thank them for that. Lets move to amanda, she really is a great person, and just until recently we had been dating, she chose to break up, which im not blaming her for, im sure it was the right choice, im nothing special and she didnt see anything there, i admire her for having the guts to do what she did, and am still her friend. Now lets go to troy, me and troy get pissed off at each other a lot, i mean a lot. I think its because our personalities clash, we both dont like to give in and we both always want to do what we want to do, i dont blame him for that, actually he is a really good friend and im lucky he associates with me. Next is robert, robert and i dont act as good of friends as i do with other people. That kinda sucks because of anybody else i see robert as being the most like me. We think the same, we usually have the same feelings about things, and we both have the same problems and solutions to those problems, I look foward to becoming better friends with robert. Next comes steph, i dont hang out with her as much as i would like to, and that suck because truthfully she is one of the only people that can make me happy just by being the goofy little person that she is. Next is bobby, me and bobby are pretty close, i think of him a good friend, if not a little too passive, im glad hes always there for me though. Next is cody, cody gets on my nerves quite a bit but he is a truly caring person and i like him for that. Next is nolan, nolan is weird as hell, which is cool as hell. I like him and love his parties. Finally we go to margo, derek, danelle, catty and that whole crew. I like all four of them a lot, even if i dont know all that much about them, they are all nice and im glad to be there friends. Well that pretty much sums it up for that most part. Every one of these people whether it be friends or family have had a big part in my life, as have many others that i did not mention here for fear of making the journal absurdly long. There influences have been both good and bad, i have really liked and really hated everyone mentioned on this journal, and also many others. But every one mentioned has had a profound influence on my life. And truthfully i wouldnt have it any other way. Here is to a better future and a breaking of the average bonds that restrict my life. I hope you all have a great last week and an amazing school year.