Once upon a time, when I gave a rat's ass
I was coming down with a cold before Eyecon and now I'm home for the day, trying not to cough so hard that I actually hurl. Some people can't be protected from themselves, apparently, including me. Is there a self-help book called "Knowing When To Stop"? There should be. LOL
Everything in fandom and b&om chagrins and squicks me at the moment. When I say everything, I'm not exaggerating. Just to clarify, that doesn't mean everyONE. I just need to search for areas inside (and outside) of fandom that have a permanent, redeeming value.
The batteries in my mouse are dying.
I'm not sure what that means for this journal except that the level of fannish railing and gesticulating has been and will continue to subside for the foreseeable future. I'll still post crazy reviews and fanfic once in a while, I'm sure, but I don't feel the same attraction to some aspects of this as I once did. It's been fun, don't get me wrong, and it's taught me so much about myself... I don't know, I just feel like I need to start approaching things differently and reconnect with the other things that I began to lose track of in the last few years. I can't place the blame on anyone else - the decisions I made put me where I am and if I want to change where I am, I need to change how I make decisions. Simple thought, but it's so easy to forget that. It's been interesting to read through my old posts and watch how my outlook has adapted through these experiences. I am very grateful for that.
I still love my flist (HEARTILY) ... and very best SPN Friends and Wifey and my IRL friends and family... and I love my husband most dearly of all. I unchecked a bunch of little ticky boxes today for people who had defriended me. But that's really okay, because I miss NOT sitting in front of the computer at night. I miss painting and drawing and taking pictures - the kind that require film and canvas ... turning feelings and thoughts into tangibility - and not feeling like I have to share it - that it's just mine. I have about 10 books I've bought this year that I haven't read. I don't miss acting much, not right now anyway. But it's nice that I'm still being asked.
I am going to pull the ice cream out of the fridge, curl up with my blanket from when I was a kid, read a book and watch a movie that's been in my queue for months, "The Wind That Shakes the Barley". I might even fall asleep. Several times. And maybe I'll wake up knowing what I really want.
ETA: I'm turning comments back on by request. I'm really okay. Okay. And I'm not upset with anyone. Honestly. People come and go. Right now, I'm 'going' - I guess. LOL. But I'll be around. Chagrined fan cannot help it.