Like a motherfucking racehorse on speed.
So,Does anyone know what sucks about not being able to sleep.
Probably....the not being able to sleep part.
I've been thinking alot today(SURPRISE! i know loves) and I found yet another facet of my loveable personality.
I run from relationships like a motherfucking racehorse on speed.
I love getting to know people and I am so great at it. I can flirt outrageously with guys and not even care. I can talk about anything. I can start conversations. And then I screw it all up.
First: I start by distancing myself....not returning calls, turning down dates because I am "grounded" or just can't make it, you know how to hide. I'm an expert.
Second: I usually do something to hurt their feelings semi intentionally and then hope that they love me again. Just less. Talking behind their back helps even more by widening the small crack into a big gaping chasm.
Third: I just stop talking to them and it dies and I move on and make more semi permenant friends.
I can think of two relationships I haven't done this in. Two. wow.
I think the reason I do it is because I don't like to feel insecure or out of control and when people get close to me I worry about really really liking them and then them talking behing my back or hurting me or realizing that they didn't like me as much as they thought. I hate losing control. When I trust someone I lose control(excuse the sappyness) over my soul and heart becasue I put a little of it into them when I decide to trust them. When I'm never close enough to someone to fully trust them then I never lose control of how I feel.
SO anyway. I wanted to say I'm sorry if you've ever been a victim of my failproof way of having a "relationship" but you probably are better off without me and my problems.
This week I've turned down 4 dates. I'm "grounded" and oh yeah....I haven't picked up the phone when he calls about four times now. go me. By the way...did I mention that Friday the 13th is my strongest day astrologicallly speaking this month....go figure.
Probably....the not being able to sleep part.
I've been thinking alot today(SURPRISE! i know loves) and I found yet another facet of my loveable personality.
I run from relationships like a motherfucking racehorse on speed.
I love getting to know people and I am so great at it. I can flirt outrageously with guys and not even care. I can talk about anything. I can start conversations. And then I screw it all up.
First: I start by distancing myself....not returning calls, turning down dates because I am "grounded" or just can't make it, you know how to hide. I'm an expert.
Second: I usually do something to hurt their feelings semi intentionally and then hope that they love me again. Just less. Talking behind their back helps even more by widening the small crack into a big gaping chasm.
Third: I just stop talking to them and it dies and I move on and make more semi permenant friends.
I can think of two relationships I haven't done this in. Two. wow.
I think the reason I do it is because I don't like to feel insecure or out of control and when people get close to me I worry about really really liking them and then them talking behing my back or hurting me or realizing that they didn't like me as much as they thought. I hate losing control. When I trust someone I lose control(excuse the sappyness) over my soul and heart becasue I put a little of it into them when I decide to trust them. When I'm never close enough to someone to fully trust them then I never lose control of how I feel.
SO anyway. I wanted to say I'm sorry if you've ever been a victim of my failproof way of having a "relationship" but you probably are better off without me and my problems.
This week I've turned down 4 dates. I'm "grounded" and oh yeah....I haven't picked up the phone when he calls about four times now. go me. By the way...did I mention that Friday the 13th is my strongest day astrologicallly speaking this month....go figure.