Today I had an epifiny.(no I can't spell it, fuck you)

[blacklace_ice]

OK so today it dawned on me. My sister is brilliant. She is like...I dunno...One of those beautiful people you always hear about but never meet. My sister is one of them. She is driven and smart and cool and funny and bloody brilliant. Today I helped at an ISHA show. I love helping at horse shows.IT is perhaps one of the best things in the world to me. I love horses and being around them and being around horse people. I love showing or not showing. I love just holding horses and watching other people show. I guess, duh...I just love horses in general. So I was thinking about it today....Somewhere inbetween warming up my 12th horse and cleaning bridles....somewhere in there I realized. I'm not brilliant.  At first I was kind of bothered by it. It hurt me a little bit. stung a little, whatever. I don't get the major honors....I don't get to do all the cool "special student" programs(Fuck GHP). I'm a good writer. Very good. I just don't have a wonderful flowing way of writing like my sister who is gifted like a mofo on ice. And thinking about that sucked for a little...And then WHile I was holding Timmy and telling him how wonderful he was and how much I loved him I realized...It doesn't bother me anymore. I still feel a pang when other people get special honors or whatever...but who wouldn't. I'm not saying I think I'm stupid or anything...Just not like one of those really gifted people who get everything. Who are well rounded. I'm not well rounded. I can't do math to save my life. I had to get a special ED thing to say that I could have extra time on the SAT because of "test anxiety"  but all it's really for is so I have time to do the stupid math. I was 10th pecentile in the math last time I took it. I was 98th % in linguistics or whatever. I can't spell. I have bad grammar (er) whatever. I would rather just be around horses all day and have no money then keep trying to pretend I'm something more special then I am. People can make fun of me not being the smartest thing since god but I really don't care anymore. I'm not saying I'm giving up or anything..I just realized that I'm not that great. I'm one of those people who is smart, but not legendary. Then I realized it was because I'm lazy. I really don't ahve the drive inside saying LEARN EVERYTHING YOU CAN BEFORE IT IS GONE! I love learning and doing new things...but I also Like to sit at home and read People(read anything) and I know so much about POP CULTURE that it isn't even funny. I can identify movies within 5 seconds of seeing them on a screen, same with actors and other famous people. i'm just tired of trying to be something I'm not. I'm not that interested in being anything but a person who backpacks and stays around the barn and shows. I want to marry someone with money so I can have horses and show...*shrugs* I want to go to a good college...berry or mt holyoke...I want to get a cool degree and do cool things. Most of the things I want to do aren't related to any sort of job at all. I want to go overseas and help people. I want to show and ride and be fucking good at it. I want to make music videos and photograph models...I want to pick models and be an archeaologist.  I want to do vet med. I want to live in a tiny house that's probably dirty where none of the furniture matches and you probably can't see it anyway because the dogs are sleeping on it.

Most of you will write this off as a cheesy never going to happen rant. But honestly...I really don't care.

[my name is]: Eleanor Grace Bryant

[in the morning i am]: awake? kicking...something. cuddled up on the bed with my dog?

[love is]:blah

[i dream about]:GENIE! no. I dream about lots of things.

-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-

[what do you notice first?]: Them. I dunno. I like nice arms and  hair and good smiles.

[last person u slow danced with]:um....Nate? I don't do that much....

-W H O-

[do you have a crush on?]: ;)

[easiest to talk to]: Cat, Cass, Houston

-H A V E .Y O U .E V E R-

[fallen for your best friend]: Yes.

-W H O .W A S .T H E .L A S T. P E R S O N-

[you talked to on the phone]: Daddy

[hugged]: um Catherine.

[you instant messaged]: NO idea.

[you laughed with]: Cass,Cat, Shelly

-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-

[could you live without the computer?]: yep

[what's your favorite food?]: um, I have no idea.

[whats ur favorite fruit?]: Apples, Plums, Clemintines

[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?]: Emotional. I have high physical pain tolerance. very high. It comes from hitting the ground alot :)

[trust others way too easily?]: meh

-N U M B E R-

[of times i have had my heart broken? ]: 2

[of hearts i have broken?] : none that I know of...

[of boys i have kissed?] : no idea

[of girls i have kissed?] : same?

[of drugs taken illegally?] : nada

[of tight friends?] :two- three?

[of cd's that i own?] : Alot

[of scars on my body?] : haha.hahahahahahahaha. I have two on my legs... one on my left hand and alot on my arms.

[of things in my past that i regret?] : *shrugs* I don't really keep a count.

-O.T.H.E.R.T.H.I.N.G.S.-

[i know]: tomorrow is going to be long

[i want]: to not have to take the SAT or ACT..well....I want alot.

[i have]: two dogs? I have......alot of different things.

[i wish]: I was pretty.

[i hate]: Sarah Woods(the only person I actually hate)

[i miss]: Timmy.

[i fear]: never living.

[i hear]:nothing.

[i search]: ...for beauty.

[i love]: many things

[i ache]: for my dreams

[i care]: for the world.

[i always]: get scared of being alone.

[i dance]: alot.

[i cry]: when I do badly or feel that I have failed.

[i do not always]:understand.

[i write]: poetry.

[i confuse]: myself.

[i can usually be found]: at the barn.

[i need]: nothing.

[have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing]: no

[if so, when and with who]: --

[favorite place to be kissed?]: face or like, yeah this sounds weird, the place like right under your ear.

[have you ever been caught doing something illegal]: Not really, no.

[wuss]: no.

[druggie]:nope

[gang member]: nope

[daydreamer]:yes. I have constant what if moments.

[alcoholic]: No. I don't drink.

[freak]: ...yeah...you totally got me on that one....wtf.

[brat]: can be.

[sarcastic]: usually

[goody-goody]: No.

[angel]: No.

[devil]: No.

[friend]: I can be.

[shy]: rarely.

[talkative]: pretty much

[adventurous]:yes

[intelligent]: sure

-Concerning.The.Friends.(You.Claim.To.Have)-

[impacted you the most spiritually]: none. I'm my spiritual center.

[wish you saw more often]: Houston

[most sarcastic]: me.

[wish you knew better]: opt out

[knows you best]: cat, houston, or cass

[best outlook on life]: cat or cass

[most paranoid]: me..haha or sean.

[sweetest]: cass /cat

-Self-Analysis.You.Probably.Don't.Want.To.Do-

[your best feature (personality)]: I can start conversations with strangers. I like to help people.

[your biggest flaw (personality)]: I am paranoid that my friends don't like me.

[most annoying thing you do]: I dunno. talk.

[biggest mistake you've made this far]: no idea

[describe your personality in one word]: Fun?

[the physical feature for which you are most often complimented]: my hair and eyes.

[person you regret sleeping with]: hah nada

[height]: 5'7".

[a smell that makes you smile]:the wind in north georgia mountains. Horses.

[a city you'd like to visit]: any...I'd like to go back to the yucatan in mexico.

[a drink you order most often]: water.

[a delicious dessert]: chocolate.

[a book you highly recommend]: hahaha, my australian series that houston has.

[the music you prefer while alone]:depends

[your favorite band]: oh lord.

[a film you could watch over and over]: Domino.

[a TV show you watch regularly]: hahahahaha Gilmore girls, runaway, prison break, supernatural.

[you live in a(n)]: House.

[your transportation]: MAZZZDA REPRESENT!

[your cologne or perfume]: Calvin Klein

[under your bed or in your closet you hide]: haha um alot

[something important on your night table]:statue from mexico