(no subject)
i feel so alive, i feel like ive changed , alot. and for the better, definitely. i voluntarily cleaned the house today, but i didnt just clean the house, i did everydish, dusted every surface, did every tiny piece of laundry, switched all the stuf between my room and the spare room, including the massive computer desk, and they are the cleanest they have ever been, plus i now have a thoroughly cleaned bathroom. i feel like a responsible, productive member of society. my parents and i have a great relationship for the first time in a long time. most of my "friends" have pretty much disowned me, but i guess that teaches who your real friends are. my few real friends have realized that i didnt just outright do what i did for fun, and that i made a mistake, and learned from it. on top of everything else, i got a job at the new theatre today. which is good. the only real bad note for this all is how brandy sees me now. i love that girl so much, with every fiber of my being. i just wish there was someway i could prove to her that the part of me that disappointed her so much is gone. but my feelings for her have never changed. i always wanted to goto college and come back for her, to have her, to hold her, to love her, to marry her and have a family with her one day. i was in the car earlier and "i dont wanna miss a thing" came on, and i almost lost it. i was on a thread from busting into tears. i love brandy nicole baker and nuthing can change that. baby, you are my everything, i love you with all of my soul.