(no subject)
Wow. It's been a while since i last updated. Ah well, what can you do... Anywho, here we go. I hate this season. And yet I love it. I find myself wanting everything and yet nothing. September gives me a feeling in my gut that can only be described as a sense that fall is aproaching. Its a terrible, yet wonderful feeling... I cannot describe it... I just want this season to pass, as well as the next. I will be glad when spring is here again...
I had another dream about him last night. I doubt any of you who are reading this know who he is, and no, its not Tony (Will as he was formerly known). I can't seem to get him out of my head. I desire him more than i can describe. Perhaps it is because he is beyond my reach in more ways than one, perhaps it is for reasons beyond my understanding. The fact remains, I want him... I wish i could get him out of my head, but i am connected to him in such a way that i will most likely never be rid of him. I just want to be free of him, free of this, this... hold... he has over me. I fear that if ever he propositioned me, i would be unable to say no... I fear that i would be powerless... Granted that will never happen, but still, the fear is there, irrational as it may be... I long for someone to talk to about it, someone who will understand, but i don't believe anyone would... Perhaps I must bear this for the extent of my life... Dear God, I hope not...
I had another dream about him last night. I doubt any of you who are reading this know who he is, and no, its not Tony (Will as he was formerly known). I can't seem to get him out of my head. I desire him more than i can describe. Perhaps it is because he is beyond my reach in more ways than one, perhaps it is for reasons beyond my understanding. The fact remains, I want him... I wish i could get him out of my head, but i am connected to him in such a way that i will most likely never be rid of him. I just want to be free of him, free of this, this... hold... he has over me. I fear that if ever he propositioned me, i would be unable to say no... I fear that i would be powerless... Granted that will never happen, but still, the fear is there, irrational as it may be... I long for someone to talk to about it, someone who will understand, but i don't believe anyone would... Perhaps I must bear this for the extent of my life... Dear God, I hope not...