September 3rd 2010
hey...
first off, im not expecting you to answer this, nor am i really sure i want you to.
I'm leaving.
tomorrow.
im going to be gone tomorrow...
look i have some theories as to why we havent talked in like 2 months but the truth is..
i have no idea.
i have no idea what caused you to decide to cut me out of your life.
i didnt ask you because im so sick of chasing you.
and i figured that if you didnt make the effort to talk then clearly you wanted me to stay away from you.
i just wanted you to know...it really hurt.
you threw me away...you threw away our friendship.
and you just did it so casually.
it kills me how you chose her over our friendship...again.
i could go on about how it made me feel but i imagine youre sick of hearing that.
i just want you to know how i spent the summer missing you and being utterly confused as to why i was put into a position where i had to live my life without you.
i dont know what all my feelings are towards you...
but before we stopped talking, i was really skeptical about our friendship. i didnt know how it would work but i knew deep down i still wanted it to. i guess i always figured down the road we'd be friends...maybe even back together, i really dont know.
it kills me to have to accept that thats not going to happen.
clearly you dont feel like being friends with me is important right now.
and if im going to be honest with myself, we can never be together because im never going to be good enough for you.
given the choice, every single time youve picked another girl over me.
every single time.
do you have any idea how much that hurt?
im still trying to get over all of those times.
lets face it, it'll never be just me.
and im not going to settle for being your sideline girl.
you cant keep using me.
and yes, you used me.
the only reason we slept together in june was because you were having problems with allie...and i was a distraction.
im not settling for anything less than i deserve. and i dont deserve that.
i dont deserve a half friendship. i dont deserve an "unofficial" relationship like we had for all those months in grade 11.
i loved you.
honestly, i dont know if i still do. i dont want to have to face that....either answer will upset me.
im not sure why im sending you this...ive debated with myself for a long time. but i just wanted you to know...
i didnt want to lose what we had.
but you didnt want it anymore.
so like i said, im leaving.
ill probably end up seeing you randomly at a party or something if i come home on a weekend...thats the curse of having mutual friends.
but other than that, im not going to see you.
ever again.
maybe that will make things easier...i wont have to go through the hell that was high school anymore. seeing you with another girl every day was just...pain. i never got used to it. and how could i? you never had to go through that...in a way im glad you didnt have to feel that but in another way im angry you didnt have to. the pain i went through was unfair. i didnt deserve it. and yet i had to deal with it every day of my life.
so maybe being on the island will make it all easier.
do you remember what i said in your yearbook this year? about how i want you to follow your dreams?
i still stand by that.
i didnt write this to make you feel guilty or to accuse or blame. i know theres no point in confrontation or anger. theres no point in a lot of things now.
theres so much else i could say...but it wont change anything.
so all i can say i guess is i hope you have a good life...
i hope youre happy.
goodbye.
first off, im not expecting you to answer this, nor am i really sure i want you to.
I'm leaving.
tomorrow.
im going to be gone tomorrow...
look i have some theories as to why we havent talked in like 2 months but the truth is..
i have no idea.
i have no idea what caused you to decide to cut me out of your life.
i didnt ask you because im so sick of chasing you.
and i figured that if you didnt make the effort to talk then clearly you wanted me to stay away from you.
i just wanted you to know...it really hurt.
you threw me away...you threw away our friendship.
and you just did it so casually.
it kills me how you chose her over our friendship...again.
i could go on about how it made me feel but i imagine youre sick of hearing that.
i just want you to know how i spent the summer missing you and being utterly confused as to why i was put into a position where i had to live my life without you.
i dont know what all my feelings are towards you...
but before we stopped talking, i was really skeptical about our friendship. i didnt know how it would work but i knew deep down i still wanted it to. i guess i always figured down the road we'd be friends...maybe even back together, i really dont know.
it kills me to have to accept that thats not going to happen.
clearly you dont feel like being friends with me is important right now.
and if im going to be honest with myself, we can never be together because im never going to be good enough for you.
given the choice, every single time youve picked another girl over me.
every single time.
do you have any idea how much that hurt?
im still trying to get over all of those times.
lets face it, it'll never be just me.
and im not going to settle for being your sideline girl.
you cant keep using me.
and yes, you used me.
the only reason we slept together in june was because you were having problems with allie...and i was a distraction.
im not settling for anything less than i deserve. and i dont deserve that.
i dont deserve a half friendship. i dont deserve an "unofficial" relationship like we had for all those months in grade 11.
i loved you.
honestly, i dont know if i still do. i dont want to have to face that....either answer will upset me.
im not sure why im sending you this...ive debated with myself for a long time. but i just wanted you to know...
i didnt want to lose what we had.
but you didnt want it anymore.
so like i said, im leaving.
ill probably end up seeing you randomly at a party or something if i come home on a weekend...thats the curse of having mutual friends.
but other than that, im not going to see you.
ever again.
maybe that will make things easier...i wont have to go through the hell that was high school anymore. seeing you with another girl every day was just...pain. i never got used to it. and how could i? you never had to go through that...in a way im glad you didnt have to feel that but in another way im angry you didnt have to. the pain i went through was unfair. i didnt deserve it. and yet i had to deal with it every day of my life.
so maybe being on the island will make it all easier.
do you remember what i said in your yearbook this year? about how i want you to follow your dreams?
i still stand by that.
i didnt write this to make you feel guilty or to accuse or blame. i know theres no point in confrontation or anger. theres no point in a lot of things now.
theres so much else i could say...but it wont change anything.
so all i can say i guess is i hope you have a good life...
i hope youre happy.
goodbye.