(no subject)
Do you ever wonder how long it would take for someone to find you if you killed your self? With my current life I think it would take a week and a half. That would be when the smell would seep out to the hallway of my apartment buiding. As I start the bath watching the water fill the tub with water the first thoughts in my head are not of death but of the last time I enjoyed a bath. As As I submerge my body in the water I relize how rough my feet have becomed they never use to be as rought as they are now.As I soak more and more of my body under the water to my chin I wonder how it would feel to just keep going under to never take another breath. The lives I would effect and the days my lifeless body would lay in this tub of water. What would happen to my pets? What kind of change would I bring on the people in my life?I had a uncle who drove off a cliff when I was younger. I always wonder what life would be like if he was still alive. How little I knew of this uncle yet I still think of him.How would my mother cope with the loss of a child after being on disability for 3 months and battling a gambling addiction? As I let my body sink mor ein the water the thought keep coming to me and I still find no reason to stop. At the age of 18 I Cherise lucas had so much to live for. Yet as this sentence run through my head I think Do I really have a lot to live for? So far I’ve learned that when some one dies all their items just become items. Their ownership become lost in time and as a new day starts the past is lost. I start to let the water cover my eyes and the only parts of my face still above water is mt nose and mouth. I had told a friend the way I would end my life would be drunk passed out in a bath tub of water. I would pretty much drown. I’ve hear that drowning is one of the most lonlest ways to die.its just you and the water. My eyes are closed and the heat from the bath water feels nice. I wonder if this was how life was like before coming out of the womb?the thought of opening my mouth and letting the water in to fill my lungs is becoming more tempting by the moment. Why should I stop? If I go through with this no one would of expected it.the next morning my body would be stiff wet and cold. I could imagin my cell phone ringing with my work calling me wondering why I didn’t show up. I could imagin my boss saying she always showed up to work.. My friend Ian coming back from seattle calling me at 1 am the next night wondering why I hadn’t answered my phone.Knowing this is a comforting feeling. I could end it at anytime. Why do people care? Why should we all live? What the point? Lets just end it all.