(no subject)
so... im not a very self confident person. i know i seem like it but im really not. im chubby, im not well endowed, im mr five inches and under and its sad. i dont have a cute body. i have an ugly chin and an ugly nose. i have hair on my back that i have to get rid of all the time because its ugly. i have lopsided eyes... everything about me is ugh...
on top of that, i was molested by my grandfather when i was five, which emotionally fucked me up in the head. not sure if a lot of you knew that, but its bugged me forever. and on top of that, ive spent a majority of my life being put down by everybody, from my dad to the so-called "cool kids" from school, whom im glad ill never have to see again after graduation on sunday. ive been called so many things. lard ass. ugly fucker. loser. worthless. fag. all of it hurts. even fag does sometimes. not the word itself, just the feeling behind how its said. for the most part i find it an empowering word. but im an emotionally damaged person, i can never bring myself to feel any different about myself, because ive heard so much over all these years that ive actually started believing it... and i cant take it sometimes.
and that has something to do with why i cant approach a guy... ever. because i already accept rejection before i am rejected, because that is more than likely what will happen. eveybody wants the perfect guy, and i cant be that. it just makes me sad most of the time.
but if theres someone out there, reading this, and you can handle all of that emotional baggage, true or otherwise, then please tell me, because i still have yet to find my somebody.
on top of that, i was molested by my grandfather when i was five, which emotionally fucked me up in the head. not sure if a lot of you knew that, but its bugged me forever. and on top of that, ive spent a majority of my life being put down by everybody, from my dad to the so-called "cool kids" from school, whom im glad ill never have to see again after graduation on sunday. ive been called so many things. lard ass. ugly fucker. loser. worthless. fag. all of it hurts. even fag does sometimes. not the word itself, just the feeling behind how its said. for the most part i find it an empowering word. but im an emotionally damaged person, i can never bring myself to feel any different about myself, because ive heard so much over all these years that ive actually started believing it... and i cant take it sometimes.
and that has something to do with why i cant approach a guy... ever. because i already accept rejection before i am rejected, because that is more than likely what will happen. eveybody wants the perfect guy, and i cant be that. it just makes me sad most of the time.
but if theres someone out there, reading this, and you can handle all of that emotional baggage, true or otherwise, then please tell me, because i still have yet to find my somebody.